Handbook of Erotic Fantasy: Apprentice Apprincess (Patreon)

Somewhere, a half-naked half-orc was running desperately through a forest. Fighter knew this.

Somewhere else, a costumed superhuman in a horse-themed outfit was galloping across a city. Fighter knew this too.

And soon (Fighter knew it all too well!) those two would meet. They would approach the dragon’s lair, and they would stumble upon each other on the trail. There would probably be a dramatic teamup arc. They would try to fight at first, and it would be over some misunderstanding or a point of honor or something equally stupid. Then there would be grudging respect. They would ride boldly forth to rescue their respective princesses. To rescue Fighter. And she could not live with herself if she got damseled by that meddling My Little Pony cosplayer Horsepower.

“I make another Strength check!” shrieked the pinker of the two princesses. It was not a particularly impressive check.

After a time of watching impassively, Elf Princess offered, “Isn’t the DC a bit high for you? My apologies if I am mistaken, but I would have assumed you were a CHA build like me.”

Fighter stopped breaking her teeth upon the iron chain. The acrid air of the cave was a furnace in her voluminous breast. She turned her silk-crowned head by slow degrees, bringing red veined eyes to bear upon the elven noble. The human’s voice was low and dangerous when she spoke. Very slowly she said, “I rebuilt for DEX after the curse. It was a mechanically strong build, and arguably more badass than my old one.”

Elf Princess took a moment to note the length of the mad blonde’s chains. She looked down to her own chains as well. She made a few quick mental calculations. It was probably safe. And because she had nothing better to do than wait she said, “Do most badasses wear Pointy Hats of +2 Prettiness?”

“I MAKE ANOTHER FUCKING STRENGH CHECK!” shrieked Fighter.

And somewhere on a mountainside, Lumberjack Explosion and Ranger stopped their struggle. It no longer mattered who would be first across the Bridge of Honor or Whatever. They had heard the scream of a princess in trouble. And so, with a nod of grudging respect to one another, they stepped forth boldly together to save the women they loved.