Handbook of Erotic Fantasy: Dex vs. Strength (Patreon)

It started over wine. These things usually do.

“My enemies fear me,” she said.

“My enemies are dead,” he replied.

She glowered. They drank.

“I could snap you like a twig,” she said.

“You’d have to catch me first.” Yet being within grappling range, he said so with respect.

She smirked. They drank.

“What’s your body count?” she asked.

“Slain or lain?”

The big woman quirked a smile. “Either.”

“I doubt you can count that high.”

It was then that Oracle excused herself. She could see what was over the horizon. Sorcerer followed soon after. Attuned to the elements, he could sense the storm that was brewing.

“I lead The Anti-Party,” said Barbarian. “See that you remember it.”

“Hmmm,” said Assassin, swirling his wine. “And here I thought we were a company of equals. Besides which, don’t you owe me your life?” His eyes drifted down to the bottle of red, a hint of insinuation curling the corners of his mouth like poison.

Her glance darted down to the seemingly-innocuous goblet in her hand. In that moment of distraction, his hand darted to an envenomed blade. Her hand closed around his throat. His other hand struggled vainly against an iron grip, while her other hand desperately parried dagger with the stemware.

And that is when the walls of the world fell away.

Gone were the booths and bar tables of the King’s Arms. The warm candlelight of the inn hushed to an expectant darkness. The murmur of an unseen crowd in cavernous space floated all about. A spotlight shone from somewhere high overhead, and both combatants were transfixed in its glare. Neither looked nor cared, locked eye to eye in a contest of primal Will.

A voice rose from that darkness. It said, “What started as friendly banter has escalated in tension and intensity.”

“Right is Bard,” said a smaller voice. “Three-time champ Barbarian and upstart newcomer Assassin! Face-to-face! Biggest match in Non-Canon Arena history!”

The lights came up. The arena roared. Neither combatant blinked.

“So,” she said. “Let’s settle this. Slain or lain?”

“Either,” he replied.

And the crowd went wild.