Chapter 551 - Interlude - Auri - The Bakery (Patreon)

Earlier the same day

Why had I wanted to return to civilization? WHY!?

Civilization had invented such tortures like lines and gate tolls and grabby toddlers with sticky hands. I ignored such nonsense somewhat existing around The Dungeon. That didn’t count, civilization was required there. 

“Birdy!” The sticky-handed bandit in question tried to reach up and grab me again. “Birdy here!”

His parents had started scared of me, then when I didn’t burn him to cinders like a mage…

“NO! Go away!” I shrieked at the kid, knowing he’d only hear brrrpt. 

Why were kids so fragile!? I probably couldn’t even [Mage Hand] him without accidentally breaking everything! I couldn’t lose my spot in line!

Unfair! Tyranny of the helpless! At least he couldn’t get this hi - WHY WAS HE CLIMBING A CART. NO.

I fluttered higher, considering putting a pillar of Fire to help hold my spot in line. But noooo, grubby-guts would probably walk into it. The coolest Lava I had was [Spun Sugar], and I’d used that exactly once against a monster before declaring never again. No matter how much of a tiny monster the toddler was being.

I did make some hands and waggled a finger in the parent’s face.

“It’s just a bird.” One said to the other.

Ooooooh, those little! If I ever saw them in the bakery, I would double charge them!

No! Wait!

Triple charge them! Ha!

Ughhhh. At the Phoenix Peaks I could just burn anything giving me problems. 

I shook my beak.

No no no! The Phoenix Peaks had their own problems! The wood wasn’t drier on the other side! The wood was drier where I put it in the sun! There was no flour, no sugar, no kilns, no adoring fans - none of that! Most importantly, there was no Elaine, no Fenrir, and eh, I suppose no Iona was also a big minus.

“Pretty birdy!”

Yes! Exactly! Like THAT! I slowed my wings down, letting [Fancy Flying] and System nonsense keep me in the air while I showed off my beautiful plumage to an adoring audience of at least one.

Then I was at the gate, getting Looks from all the guards.

“Hey! Long time no see! Where’s Atlas?” I asked them, knowing they were getting a bunch of brrrpts. I knew how much Elaine liked guards, and I relented a little, writing my request out in flames. One of the guards swallowed nervously.

“Ah, excuse me, gate toll is-”

“I’ve got it here!” I said, reaching for my messenger capsule.

Best. Dungeon. Loot. EVER! Near-unlimited storage on my leg? YES PLEASE! I knew I had a bunch of coins in there from-

Wait.

WAIT.

Where was it!? My storage! Who had - oh water.

I had screwed it up. When I’d thrown it at idiot-face who wouldn’t stop bugging me about making eggs together. The look on his silly beak when I’d hit him with an entire ocean of water had been priceless, but I’d completely forgotten to get it back in the mess!

Nooooooooooooooooooooooo… eh whatever. It was filled with a literal ocean’s worth of water. I didn’t need everything to be that soggy anyway. 

I sparked, like Elaine’s sigh.

I knew I was being a bit of a grape wood over it all. It really was a shame I’d screwed up and left it behind. My fault, something to remember. Hopefully Weavy and Chompy would find it and pick it up! They were going to make a bunch of eggs, and there were all sorts of goodies inside a young phoenix could use! Yes! I had basically everything at my feather tips here, and-

An awkward cough brought me back to where I was, and the fact I was holding up a guard. WHOOPS!

Ahem.

I’m a phoenix, no need to donate to me to let me into the city. I wrote out in flames.

Sure, that wasn’t how it worked… buuuuut I also knew how twitchy they were around phoenixes, especially after seeing Sasha and Ra fly roughshod over Sanguino for a few months. One of the guards coughed awkwardly, but the senior - she had the fancy hat, Elaine was right, guards did have excellent taste - waved him down.

“If you’re willing to wait a bit, we’ve got a special escort for one of your… plumage?” She suggested.

Atlas! Yes please, he’s the best! I wrote back, moving off to the side.

My message raised a few eyebrows, a [Runner] went off, and I felt as pleased as a roaring bonfire with myself.

I both didn’t need to pay AND I’d gotten them to go find Atlas for me. Perfection!

“Bye pretty birdy!” The bestest toddler EVER waved to me as he entered the city, and I set off a Fire show for him. The guards got a little twitchy, but eh. Bestest Toddler was nice, deserved a show, and his sticky hands were now somebody else’s problem!

Atlas came jogging up a few minutes later, a whole squad of guards with him. He relaxed when he saw me and waved.

“Hey Auri! Welcome back! We’ve missed you!”

“Brrrpt!”

Missed you as well! What’s with all the extras?

Atlas turned and gave a few quick orders, and they went back off being good guards of the city.

“Well, we frankly weren’t sure if it was you or not, so we were being careful.” He explained. “Can’t be too careful.”

Tell me more! What have you been doing while I was gone?

Atlas raised an eyebrow.

“Me? Your stories are going to be far more interesting. The forbidden North! I’ve never met anyone who's been there before. Come on, dish. Did the Wardens swear you to secrecy or anything?”

Wardens? Those losers? Pfffft! They took one look at me and my friends and ran away! Wait, wait, let me start at the start…

We swapped stories while making our way over to my bakery. I went to fly in by a little gap in the wall - excellent for ventilating the place for customers - only to find it was boarded up!

What! A travesty!

“What’s going on here!?” I brrrpted, kicking the offending wall, then flying back down to Atlas. He put his hand on the door, and with a sharp click, it unlocked.

I dramatically gasped.

A guardsman of the law with the ability to pick locks! Scandalous!

Atlas rolled his eyes at me and pushed the door open.

“What, do you want us to break doors down left and right instead when we need to get in buildings?” He asked. 

What a wise and thoughtful decision for [Guards] to be able to gently open doors and other locks! I shamelessly wrote in front of him before freezing at the sight of my bakery.

MY BAKERY! I wrote out in all capitals, just to hammer home the severity of the offense. HELP! GUARDS! I’ve been robbed! Ransacked! Vicious scoundrels have pilfered my domain! Quick, arrest them! Crucify them on the main road! 

The place was all rearranged. Tables in the wrong spot! I know I’d left the chairs on the floor, now they were neatly put on the counter! The displays were all different!

Theft! Robbery! Murder!

The last one was what I was going to do to the lowlives once I caught up with them!

Atlas folded his arms and tapped his foot.

“Auri, you’re a smart phoenix. You know better than this. Exterreri has laws, and especially for prime real estate in the middle of the city, that includes laws around not leaving it idle. Sentinel Dawn and Valkyrie Dusk were required to rent it out or have it seized, and even then they nearly paid more in taxes than they got in rent. Too many Immortals, not enough land, if we let people take a decade-long vacation and leave their stores unattended we’d have a dead city!”

Harumph. A firestorm on their laws!

Atlas could see that I was clearly unconvinced, but he knew me.

“If half the shops here were owned by an Immortal on vacation, nobody would shop here. Then you’d have no customers.”

AH!

All hail intelligent business laws! Thank you, kind caretakers, for looking after my bakery so well in my absence! Your good deeds will be rewarded, and I’ll send a cake your way as soon as possible!

I flitted over to the kitchen to take stock of what I had. A dozen [Mage Hands] were conjured and opened the various cabinets and ovens, opening all the drawers for inspection.

They’d rearranged everything noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo… I thought I’d been such a clever bird wanting to open the bakery up again today instead of going with Elaine to reorganize her [Tower] - I had no shame in saying so - only to find myself reorganizing here. Derp!

I dusted the oven stones off with a blast of Inferno, noting that a single muffin tray had been forgotten inside an oven when the prior owners had left. Thankfully, it didn’t have ancient muffins inside it, that would’ve been so gross.

As my conjured hands started to shuffle and rearrange everything, I also went and checked on my secret coin stash under the floorboards, nodding my beak in approval.

Good! It was still there. It’d been a bit of a risk leaving it there for so - wait. Ughhhh there was a note on it. 

Oh well! I didn’t need to run back home and get coins, I could get started now.

Hey Atlas! Can I please get a few [Runners] to start placing orders? 

Atlas knew better than to invade my kitchen when I was working, and I sent the flaming words out the door to him before halting them in front of his face.

“I’m supposed to prevent you getting in trouble and problems finding you.” He shouted back.

What’s going to cause more problems? Me bustling around my kitchen in a closed bakery, or the two of us parading down the street to the Courier’s Guild?

Atlas sighed.

“Three runners you reckon?” He asked.

Yes please! Thank you, you’re the best!

================

The first [Runner] was a gangly teenage girl, barely panting as she skidded to a halt inside my bakery.

“Excuse me?” She called out. “I was told there was a request for a [Runner] here?”

Yes! Thank you! I need you to go to Farina’s, and pick up…

I wanted to say ‘five’, but her level and physique… yeah…

Three sacks of flour please!

I did my usual trick of sending the words out of the kitchen, hovering them in front of her face.

“Whoa.” She leaned back, then tried to poke them. “Cool skill. Umm, excuse me! Whoever’s back there! I, uh, can’t read. Makes me really good at carrying messages, you see? ‘Cause I can’t, you know…”

Oh by the first flame! I didn’t have time for this! If I wanted to open vaguely today I needed to get working now!

I flew out of the kitchen and yelled at her a bit, mostly incoherent brrrpts. She leaned back right as a second [Runner] came into the store, panting and gasping, sheets of sweat falling off him. Another teenager. Was Atlas getting back at me somehow, subtly fucking with me just because, trying to expand my horizons, or giving great opportunities to kids? I had no way of telling.

“Phidippidia! No fair! You cheated, that one doesn’t count!” He complained between gasps of air. “Whoa! You set the owner’s bird on fire!? Not cool!” He said.

“No I didn’t!” She shot back. “She sent me some sort of message, but I couldn’t read it.”

“Are you sure yo- BY AION’S LEFT TIT!” He swore and jumped about a foot in the air, going pale and swaying slightly.

What now? Ugh, I should go back in the kitchen and… yeah that’s what I’ll do.

I pulled out some chairs with [Mage Hand] and pointed them to the chairs. Where words failed, charades would work, and if the third runner couldn’t read, then maybe the second one could translate for all of them. I did it so fast that the second dude hadn’t gotten a chance to say anything more.

Shaking, he sat down, Phidippidia sitting down across from him.

Good. Stay you two, and don’t make a mess until I can send you all out to be useful! Kids these days - oh no.

Was I getting old!?

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo… hang on.

If getting old meant I wasn’t as stupid as hawk-face from the Peaks or the teenagers here, then please, bring it on! I quickly changed my color scheme to various off-white, then conjured a little flaming cane out of classy black flames, then hobble-flew back to my bakery.

Ca ca ca ca! Little old lady baking mysterious goods! Yes! It was perfect! A beautiful return to form! Just needed some magical peaches or something to top it all off. The kids started to talk in the back.

“Did you see his level!?” The second runner tried to ‘whisper’ to his friend.

“I’m pretty sure the bird’s a girl, and no.” The first girl said.

“Almost 900! What is it doing here in the middle of the city!? Where’s the owner!? Do the guards know!?” He said.

“Uh, duh, the guards know. One of them sent us here, remember? And, again,, I’m pretty sure the bird’s a girl.” She said.

“How would you know if the bird’s a boy or a girl!? It’s not like you’ve studied them!” He said.

“I just know.” She said.

“Is not.” He said.

“Is too!” She said.

Yes, yes… talk about me more? I think? I wasn’t quite sure if I should be happy or not with their discussions. On one wing, they were praising how good I was, on the other…

AH! What was I doing thinking about them! I had things to do! The kitchen was a mess! I needed to clean it! Sort things! Organize them! Get the right things on the counter and prepped! Pie dishes and oven stones, mixing bowls and stirring spoons, stations ready! Fires banked!

Oh good! The third one came in! Messages away!

I need you to go to Farina’s, and pick up three sacks of flour please!

Sugar! I need a small barrel full. You can get it from…

====================

Restocking the store had money burning like a single dry leaf hurled into an Inferno. Bowls were being stirred, meat was sliced and seared - NOT pork, Elaine hated the stuff - vegetables were rinsed, and we! Were! In! BUSINESS!

Atlas got as much free food as he could stomach, and his friends were also invited to come get free food. I remembered Amber’s rules! Well, a couple of them. Here and there. They were really more ‘suggestions’ than rules, right?

Another [Runner] came in with an order for several dozen pies, with a familiar signature and a heart on the bottom. Three by three, loaves of bread made their way to the front as I debated an age-old question.

There was no way I was going to sell everything today. Opening late after years of not being in business, I’d be lucky to have a dozen people go through the door. At the same time, if my shelves were practically bare, I’d scare away even those few. It would take SO LONG to become famous again.

What to do, what to do…

I debated while using [Spun Sugar] to manipulate the molten sucrose into an impossibly delicate shape for a wonderful three-layer cake. I was feeling quite pleased with myself! Real baking skills! Something I couldn’t have done without this skill! A delicate spiderweb draped from the cake. I was going to put it out as an attractor piece today, then deliver it to Susan at the start of the night. She’d love it!

AHHA! Marketing! I just needed to become famous today! Perfect plan. Nothing a gigantic pillar of flame wouldn’t fix.

But… hmmmm… it was breaking the rules quite a bit. And I knew part of why I was Atlas’s favorite and tolerated so well was because I did follow the rules. No burning everything to the ground, paid my taxes, didn’t make outrageous demands… I did have to live here for a long, long time. No sense in annoying everyone…

AHHA! Brilliant idea! 

I was a phoenix, and the last six years had helped hammer home just how special that was. I was going to break the rules juuuuuuust a little. One short giant pillar of flames. Oh! I could try to do a little better than that! The smell of food made people hungry, so maybe if I could get the burning smell to smell like freshly baked bread and cake, they’d… go flocking to whoever was nearby. 

Water!

Well, figuring out how to make flames make the smell I wanted after was a good exercise. It was all relating to flames, I was a phoenix, how hard could it be?

I popped out front, checking my stock again and the time. I was going to have to work so late just to get everything prepared enough to come in before dawn tomorrow to have a shot at actually doing decently today. The three funny [Runners] were gone, but Atlas was sitting in a corner by a window, keeping an eye on the street.

Hmm. He was the best! He deserved something nice! 

I put a little flaming badge on his chest. Looking very closely, it read Best Minion Ever. He sputtered.

“I am not your minion!” He protested. “I’m a Captain of the Guard!”

Uh huh.

“Suuuure!” I brrpted at him. “Enjoy!”

I fluttered back into the kitchen. Out of the corner of my eye I checked on Atlas, burning a little brighter at his actions. 

He was smiling and rubbing the badge.