RE: Filthy Gamer In Narutoverse—39 (Patreon)

A/N: This begins Volume 2: Maid In Hell (Pun Intended.)

Title: May The Force

Hentai Shinobi Rule 39: A hentai shinobi uses the ero skills only for pleasure and relief, never manipulation.

***

4th May, Thirstday.

The casual act of inspecting the status after a productive [Shape Manipulation] exercise last night gave Kai quite the surprise. Sure, his days after Team 9’s first C-ranked mission had entered a slightly bland phase of studying, missions, and general skill improvement. It was somewhat familiar to his days in the Shinobi Academy, where he could engage in a mindless routine without caring for the next day since it was usually always planned out save for the monthly one-day breaks when Kushina and Mikoto refused to leave their mattresses, allowing Kai to meet with Minato or Jiraiya to either discuss the former’s improvement in Fuinjutsu or growing culture with the latter.

Sure, Tsunade had gotten more interruptive whenever Kai met Jiraiya, opting to recall him for additional medical studies since he was Team 9’s medic. Alas, her efforts were for a naught. Kai was always the filthy sort. He could just express his interests better in this life. Not that he had anything to complain about spending more time with Tsunade, even if they mostly shared silence instead of scandalous and juicy bits about others’ lives in Konoha. And there were a few juicy deets indeed—Biwako Sarutobi was almost four months pregnant! The Old Lord Third still had that dawg in him, and the same could also be said about Biwako. Kai saw the woman in passing several times, and boy, he wished he had been born a decade or two ago.

As for the surprise—

[Age: 8→9]

Kai stared at the legendary advancement before he paused.

‘Wait a fucking minute!’ Kai furrowed his brows, staring harder. ‘Where the fuck was the revelation of my birthday last year?’ He arrived in this world before May of the last year. Logically, he should have known about his birthday long ago. However, his status never changed. The youth grunted in frustration. It wasn’t like his Trait was overly responsive and customized to answer his every inquiry.

{A/N: And with that, we blame the author, ehm, the Trait for this plothole. I just thought of making Kai’s birthday May 4 because of the May The Force Be With You a few days ago. It’s easier to admit my faults than make the trait more mysterious, leading to more plotholes down the line.}

‘Still,’ A smile widened on Kai’s face. ‘A few more years, and I’ll be officially ready to get a harem!’

And speaking of a harem, Kai was still unsuccessful in locating the Slut’s origins. Whoever they are, they happened to be a better sensor than Kai. Still, it was fun to change things up once Kai maxed out [Ero Hands.] Letting the Slut enjoy the prime services Kai showered Mito’s feet with daily wouldn’t have made the boy feel better. For the most part, Kai detested the bitch adopting Mito’s stately features and fantasized about breaking her in the most humiliating manners… but Kai would hold such judgment until seeing who the shinobi was behind the mask.

And since the unknown slut lost her use in training the last of available skills from the [Ero Skill Tree]—since the remaining two skills involved kissing someone and the requirement of mastering a skill of unknown origin and purpose—Kai chose to put the resident slut through a famine. If orgasms wouldn’t break the kunoichi’s (hopefully) cover, then he would instead push all the buttons by sidelining her and showering his next favorite Cow Onahole with all the love.

‘I wonder if they’ll just attack me one of these days,’ Kai glanced at the nightstand before shrugging. He didn’t care about their response. All Kai wanted to do was rip that disguise before ruining the opponent. As a matter of fact, he was making considerable progress on that front.

[Shape Transformation (C) (39→50/50): While chakra flows, attracts, and dissipates, a Shinobi learns to achieve these aspects in different unique shapes suited to their purpose. This information-gathering skill provides the host with the knowledge of various shapes and the most suitable characteristics of chakra applicable to said chakra constructs. Increases Chakra Control by 0.1% at every level {If Chakra Control<20.}]

First, Kai caved a month after putting Shape Transformation through the grind. It wasn’t that he was impatient. Kai would have already mastered all the cooking and smithing skills if that were the case. However, it eventually became clear that purposely holding back his growth was suicidal and illogical. Kai cared little about the former but chose to rectify the situation because of the latter. A need for consistent growth was even more necessary, with nuggets of ominous news slipping through the cracks here and there, casting a dreaded gloom of the swirling storm of war across Konohagakure.

As for Kai… he just wanted to be as prepared for the war as he could be. Sure, Team 9 accomplished a few more C-ranked missions—six additional missions, to be exact. However, nothing compared to the fleeting thrill of fucking with a Jonin, especially someone with a Kekkei Genkai.

Besides, young geniuses existed across the continent. Kai had yet to surpass supreme talents in terms of fame like Lord Second. So, the boy wasn’t afraid of showing off.

With [Shape Transformation] out of the way, Kai could engage in [Shape Manipulation.]

Of course, Kai needed at least 375 points in chakra and perception stats. However, no rule limited him from practicing it without the trait’s assistance to get a good feel of the technique. After enlightening inquiries from Tsunade, Jiraiya, Orochimaru, and Mito, Kai summarized the skill as manipulating chakra into rigid shapes.

Chakra flowed, attracted, and dissipated—Chakra’s golden description allowed others to not only delve into advanced theories and practices but realize that something too advanced had little application to the Shinobi Profession.

Essentially, Shape Manipulation purposely centralized the Chakra into rigid forms. It differed distinctly from Shape Transformation since the shapes maintained the Chakra’s flow. Meanwhile, Shape Manipulation took things further by transforming the Chakra into a mirror, for example.

Still, limited by Chakra’s constraints, such a mirror would eventually dissipate.

There was also the issue of items still being chakra. They did not possess any other quality. So, the top brass of the healthy community of assassins and surprising social workers widely regarded this advancement as useless.

Yet, did Kai care about their opinions?

Nope.

That was a freaking level 100 skill! If he wasn’t wrong, irrespective of their ranks, level 100 skills represented the peak of their respective categories.

Kai also showed promise in other aspects of his training.

[Four Symbols Seal (B) (6→9/10): A fuinjutsu of four directions and the unending vortex seals it all. This information-granting skill informs the host about the unique sealing matrix involving a few unique and private symbols known only to the Uzumaki Clan, which remain unknown to the rest of the world to this day. Mastering the seal allows the user to seal what they desire in whomever they wish.

Next Level: Perform the seal 240/296 times or 12 SP.]

Religiously performing the jutsu twice daily showed decent growth since Kai had almost mastered the skill. Meanwhile, smithing was based on Kai’s needs whenever their team left Konoha for C-rank missions, so its growth was less than stellar.

[Novice Smith (E) (1→9/10): Across the continent echoes one voice—let’s get smithing. This information-granting skill enables the host to learn and practice the basics of smithcraft, including but not limited to blacksmithing and carving.

Next Level: Craft/Mold/Modify 60/64 items or 1 SP.]

[Noble Cook (D) (8→10/25): Only experience and knowledge set a novice from Noble’s cook. Yet, these dishes only satiate the tastebuds. Stand tall, you can cook. It’s an information-granting skill that offers hundreds of recipes and bits about unique reactions between several ingredients to bestow heaven upon the tongue.

Next Level: Cook 818/891 different dishes Or 2 SP.]

For his bukijutsu, Kai prioritized kenjutsu since it was Kushina’s preference and offered Kai a reliable sparring partner. So, Team 9’s training days on Mondays and Fridays revolved around more diverse bukijutsu training.

[Kenjutsu Basics (E) (10/10)]

[Leaf Slash (D) (7/10): A standardized kenjutsu intermingling with a Shinobi’s footwork, deception, and norms to efficiently slay the enemy. Adds one stat at every level {If Physique<100.}

Next Level: Perform 46/48 times {Active Title: Konoha’s Genin} or 2 SP.]

[Comprehensive Emergency Treatment (D) (5/5): A know-how skill to perform emergency treatment on the line of duty—a skill necessary for every aspiring Iryo Ninjutsu since only by learning the basics of healing would the host master its advanced concepts and when to apply them.]

The last was the guide forced onto Team 9 by their Sensei and the first skill Kai mastered from Iryo Ninjutsu Skill Tree.

However, he also made open and secret progress in—

[Beast-Fu (B) (1→10/100): Being water is to master any shape and volume, thus mastering beasts. Almost all forms of taijutsu and martial arts are rooted in the essence of different animals, from which the creator of said techniques inspires movement and focus. This information-granting skill compiles the nature of other beasts, their movements, and the most efficient route of utilizing the various beasts’ strengths, from a bear’s claw to a gorilla’s upper body strength and a falcon’s flight. Adds one stat at every level {If Physique<375.}

Next Level: Perform 977/1240 times or 12 SP.]

And—

[Sensing Technique (C) (13/15): Every shinobi, by their nature, sense large quantities of exerted Chakra in their vicinity. However, techniques available to Sensors allow them to notice and remember chakra signatures at their discretion. This skill enables the host to warily sense chakra signatures around them by releasing a pulse of discreet chakra. Increases sensory range based on host’s perception and chakra control using—(Perception+Chakra Control)0.5Skill Level. Adds one stat at every level {If Perception<200.} Current Range: 1263 meters.

Next Level: Sense and memorize 16888/18638 chakra signatures or 5 SP.]

It was a skill from an unknown Skill Tree.

Remember Orochimaru’s explanation about sensors tapping into the World’s Chakra Network to perform impossible sensory feats?

That was a fucking lie—or rather, a half-truth.

It was all about talent. Some naturally born sensors could eventually show such feats. Most around Kai already could or had the potential to accomplish such incredible notions. However, Kai had to push through the basics.

There was a reason why Kai’s perception and chakra control determined its range.

Perception decided how sensitive Kai was when it came to accepting the feedback from the technique. Meanwhile, the Chakra Control represented the limits of the distance from his body where he could still control his chakra. Essentially, this skill worked like a Chakra Sonar instead of what Kai imagined—him hacking into an ever-present network to peek at the dregs of society and make their life more challenging.

What?

It was for their own good!

Amidst the pleasant growth, Kai also had to cope with one bad event.

The crash of D-rank missions.

Things were better, and Team 9 could still complete one D-rank mission daily. However, Kai’s SP gain had fallen to 3 SP a day. The occasional C-rank missions instead became welcomed vacations since Kai enjoyed leading a few chakra boars or horny bears around before knocking them out.

[Name: Kai

Age: 9

Title: Konoha’s Genin

Gamer Traits: Skill Tree; Sleepless Gamer

Skill Points: 551→788

Chakra: 158→166 (2/hr) (1+100%)

Physique: 169→183

Mental: 151

Perception: 157→174

Chakra Control: 20→20.3

Skills:

Titles:]

Sensing chakra signatures, mimicking Shape Manipulation, constant kenjutsu, and Beast-Fu alongside the chakra mesh shirt heightened Kai’s stat at a consistent pace. It didn’t seem much on the status display. However, every stat demanded the effort required for the sum of all the previous growth!

Regardless of the titillating numbers, Kai fancied another thing over the past few weeks.

“Huhu,” the youth chuckled as he looked at his reflection. He’d grown taller!

A cursory observation made Kai giggle at the realization he reached 155 centimeters on his birthday!

His growth was as drastic as Kushina, resembling many early teenage unemployed Genins loitering in Konoha’s streets instead of making themselves useful. What was the point of constantly shooting Kai angry glares? They should have applied for C-rank missions if their D-rank mission quotas were insufficient!

With a few stretches and a change of clothes, Kai was ready to take the world once again—

He paused, catching the stray red-headed bullet to his torso with a frustrated grunt.

“Hey! What the—wait, you timed it?”

Kai let the devil loop her arms around his back. She was a full head taller than Kai, just like Mikoto. Yet, the short king exacted his respect during the spars.

“Yep, dattebane!” Kushina looked up, cradling her chin against Kai’s chest with gleaming violet orbs demanding all the appreciation in the world. She bounced her heels up and down until Kai huffed and reluctantly pecked her forehead. How was it fair that Kushina could get kisses from everyone, but he couldn’t get any more sugar from his reserved harem candidate, Cow—ehm, Tsunade?

“Hihi,” Kushina grinned. “I can just close my eyes and sense things now! It’s just like Granny told me.”

Kai thinned his lips—comparison truly was the thief of joy.

“Can’t believe Farty-chan gets such a busted technique,” the boy pouted as Kushina raised her skull, smacking it against his chin.

“Don’t call me that—Ow!”

She pulled back, rubbing her head with a collected look. “You should start treating a lady right, Kai-chan.”

“You’re nine,” Kai drawled as they approached the exit.

“So are you! And I’m taller,” Kushina stuck her chest out, mimicking a proud peacock.

“If only height was the mark of absolute skill,” Kai snickered as the redhead’s expression cramped.

“Whatever,” she snorted. “I’ll learn the hiden soon enough and surpass you. I also learned to transform into different species of koala, remember?”

“Just hundreds of thousands of different organisms remain,” the boy taunted. He glimpsed before questioning.

“Oh, what’s your sensory range?”

“I guess a few kilometers?” Kushina tilted her head. “I didn’t test things all the way yet.”

Kai almost buckled and fell face-first.

Why?

Why did so many talents surround him?

Mikoto was already enjoying specific sensory training from her clan alongside other Sharingan-sponsored skills. Heck! Kai wouldn’t even be surprised if Minato came out of the closet as another budding sensor!

“Say, Kai-chan?”

“Hmm?”

Kushina looked away as she tucked a lock behind her ear. “I promised to help you make a harem, remember?” The girl mumbled. “I think I found a target.” Her voice grew softer as she felt Kai staring at her. Blood rushed to her cheeks as she didn’t look up even after leaving the residence. The longer Kai maintained the silence, the more embarrassed she felt.

“W-what?!” She stammered with a forceful tone. “Too good to accept my help?”

“Huh?” Kai blinked. “Ah, sorry. I decided to postpone that dream.”

“You can’t postpone a dream. How is that even a dream if you can postpone it?” Kushina snapped at Kai.

“Well, I did,” the boy shrugged. “I realized I like grown-ups. The only way they will take me seriously is if I’m of sufficient age and experience in their eyes. Besides, I won’t bother with the weird chicks who want me to get in their beds as I am, so it checks out.”

He looped his arms behind his head as Kushina couldn’t help but mutter.

“Grown-ups?”

“Yep,” Kai hummed. What would be the difference between the youngest Jonin and, say, Hiruna if I got laid just because I felt pressured by others to do the same? That’s why Minato is the best rival I could ask for!”

Virgins always appreciated virgins.

“Who’s the youngest Jonin?”

“Me, in the near future.”

“But I’m better than Minato,” Kushina furrowed her brows, forgetting her earlier words and accepting Kai’s most recent boast at face value as she listed her accomplishments. “I’m better at Fuin and Kenjutsu than him!”

“So?” Kai blinked. “I’m your guardian. And I can’t take you seriously. I mean, just yesterday, you let out a big one in the bath—”

“Shut up!”

“Kushina!” Kai rolled his eyes. “It bubbled!”

“I’m gonna kill ya, dattebane!”

She pounced as they flickered through the roofs in a fatal chase of cat and mouse. And Kai refused to be manhandled and then have his cheeks assaulted on his fucking birthday!

Although… he could have just stayed quiet.

<<<>>>

Hiruzen felt healthier than ever!

Turns out, smoking did suck!

Resisting the urge around his now-pregnant wife extended to the same behavior in the office. It wasn’t as dramatic as Hiruzen expected. The usual withdrawal signs wouldn’t have affected a Shinobi of his caliber either way. It was simply the case of one day looking at one’s addiction with a question.

Why?

Why did he have to smoke?

So, Hiruzen chose to open his office’s window that day.

He had been more productive lately, sleeping well, and—

“Why exactly is Root not permitted to seek potential Shinobi?” inquired the bandaged Danzo, barely containing the cold wrath brimming inside his being as he narrowed his sharp gaze.

—butting heads with Danzo more than ever.

Hiruzen took a deep breath, letting the warm summer air fill his lungs. He interlocked his fingers, repressing a sigh at their worn and aged conditions. Years truly flew by him.

“Root has enough operatives as is,” Hiruzen calmly dissuaded. “I don’t see why more children need to hide their faces when they can eventually join the academy and choose to become Anbu of their free will.”

Danzo paused and did little to cover his surprise.

“Have you gone mad, Hiruzen?” Danzo demanded. “Sentiments? Now? When we are at the brink of war?”

“Are you saying Root won any of our wars?” Hiruzen’s retort cut through the tense atmosphere. “How does adding more untrained orphans to Root help Konoha? It would be better for them to learn different skills and trades to contribute to our economy. The most recent incident with D-rank missions should have been an appropriate warning.”

“Yes,” Danzo bit back a hiss. “Mito-sama’s caretaker.” The subsequent silence hinted at another unspoken conversation that must have left a bitter taste in Danzo’s mouth as he cleared his throat before speaking.

“The Root exists to deal with the consequences of wars and stall the overwhelming demise that follows for as long as possible. You should know better, Hiruzen. Let’s cut to the chase. Why are you limiting me when I have much to offer to Konoha?”

Hesitation flickered in Hiruzen’s gaze as he maintained his silence. Danzo didn’t push for an answer and instead chose to get more comfortable in his chair.

“I have done you an incredible disservice, Danzo,” Hiruzen began. The bandaged Jonin furrowed his brows as the Third Hokage continued. “Tobirama-Sensei’s passing left me vulnerable. He was a brilliant Shinobi who reformed the Shinobi in ways I cannot hope to measure.” He chuckled bitterly. I’m not as gifted as Lord First and could never advance Konoha as Sensei. That thought haunted me. It made me weak and often stagnant—helpless, even.”

Hiruzen’s gaze brightened, reminding Danzo of the young and reckless Saru that ceased to exist since donning the Hokage’s white and red.

“Say, Danzo. Have you ever considered the Chakra needed to create the forest around us? Or the thought process behind Konoha’s stability with the Uchiha despite the Valley’s incident?”

“You’re making little sense, Hiruzen. Pick up your pipe and smoke for once,” Danzo scoffed.

“I made you my enabler, Danzo,” Hiruzen admitted with a tone that left little for rebuttal. Lord Third reflected, “Where I should have treated you with the respect you deserved, I ended up pushing you in the shadows to cover for my weakness. I’m sorry. However, apologies alone won’t change anything. I should have never shared Kage’s burdens so irresponsibly. So, I will abolish Root after things settle down. The last thing we need now is more instability.”

The man grinned at his childhood friend. Yet, despite always wanting a similar recognition, Danzo couldn’t mimic Hiruzen’s reaction—not after the things the shadow allowed Danzo to hide.

<<<>>>

“Very funny,” Mikoto raised her voice, keeping it as bland as humanely possible as she glared at two white and black koalas hugging the tree beside the Hospital’s entrance. She placed her hands on her hips and began tapping the sole of her sandal in an annoyed fashion. “Get down! What if Sensei reduces our grades because I got late because of you two?”

“What dis human speaks?” the black koala uttered with a raspy groan.

“Me, Koalaaaaaaaa~!” yawned the white koala.

Truer words were never uttered before.

Mikoto let out a defeated sigh.

“Okay,” she muttered. “I got it. I shouldn’t have yelled at you two yesterday.” Mikoto crossed her arms and looked defensive. I just had some issues, alright? Training outside and within the clan can be overwhelming, along with all the books Sensei asked us to memorize. I… I’m sorry I vented on you guys.”

*Poof*

*Poof*

Plumes of smoke covered the Koalas as Kai and Kushina dropped from the tree with similar smirks.

“For the record, we didn’t ask for an apology. You were just so humble.” Kai snickered.

“Yeah,” Mikoto pouted. “It’s not as if you two would have played dumb for three hours and made us late again.”

“But you always wait for us,” Kushina grinned and hugged Mikoto’s arm. “And who cares what Sensei thinks? She only decides if we can remain a genin forever or are capable enough for a promotion.”

“Such low stakes,” Mikoto resounded with dry sarcasm before smiling at the duo. “So, I take it you two didn’t lose sleep over the results of yesterday’s exam?”

Kushina instantly lowered her head. “Well, I slept like a baby… not that I did any good in the exam.”

“I never sleep,” Kai hummed. “And I aced that shit.”

“Orochimaru-san put things out of the syllabus,” Mikoto retorted.

“So? You should have used Sharingan better and memorized every book,” the boy smirked. “Well, it’s envious how you two can be so irresponsible. As the team’s medic—”

“Yes, yes,” Mikoto rolled her eyes as they entered the hospital. “You’re riddled with so many responsibilities. Be a clan princess for a day. You’ll realize what responsibilities are.”

Kai paused and looked at Kushina.

“What?” the redhead demanded, arcing her brow and making a threatening hand gesture that promised some cheek-glomping.

“Nothing,” Kai huffed at the most irresponsible and carefree clan princess.

“Will you pass?” Mikoto asked Kushina, looking concerned. The latter also revealed a nervous expression. However, steadily honed by their missions, the trio sensed a slight disturbance near the staircase leading to Tsunade’s office. They simultaneously looked up the adjacent staircase leading to the first floor, noticing a flurry of scattered documents swooshing left and right as a figure cut through the sudden metaphorical smokescreen and fell at them.

It—the figure—was a sudden accident. Yet, the girls had absolute faith in Kai. His reflexes were nothing to scoff at, sometimes even requiring Tsunade to give the youth personal humbling experiences to keep him stable and down-to-earth. So, the girls flickered to catch and assemble the scattered documents.

Meanwhile—

*Thud*

The strange figure landed on her side, rolling a few more times before stopping. Of course, Kai’s reflexes were top-notch.

So, he chose the most sensible option and got out of the figure’s way to let nature follow its course.

“What are you doing?” Mikoto hurriedly scolded as she walked to the fallen girl.

“What?” Kai defended. “I’m using my training undershirt. There is no way I’m dealing with more baggage.”

He casually strolled ahead with an exasperated Kushina, lightly tapping her knuckles on his head.

“Ugh…” the girl sat up, rubbing her scraped elbows with a distressed expression before patting her hands around the floor. A few nurses looked eager to help. Yet, they cautiously glanced in Kai’s direction before clenching their jaw as if recalling past aggravations.

“Here,” Mikoto placed the half-broken glasses on the girl’s hand as she let out a grateful smile.

“Thank you,” the girl wore her glasses, peering at Mikoto with her expressive, pupilless emerald eyes. Her light-brown hair, now disheveled after the fall, scattered about her features as the girl hurriedly combed the loose strands with her hands.

“Hey,” Kushina elbowed Kai, slightly sour after seeing the girl’s state, especially her broken glasses. “Shouldn’t you apologize, Kai-chan?”

“Hmm?” Kai tilted his head, still indifferent. “Kay~!” He sighed. “I’m sorry you’re clumsy?”

“Don’t be so insensitive,” Mikoto groaned. What did she even expect? She helped the girl up, smiling warmly. “Are you alright?”

“Oh, yes,” the girl nodded, quickly bowing as she accepted the stack of papers from Kushina. Meanwhile, Kai momentarily glanced at the stack before resuming his utter indifference.

“I’m Nono Yakushi,” the girl introduced herself. “Thank you for helping me. I accidentally tripped and…” she blushed. “Sorry.” She touched the forehead protector around her waist. “Everybody calls me a klutz.”

“Told ya!” Kai informed.

“Shush,” Kushina promptly commanded, earning a well-deserved roll of Kai’s eyes.

“I’m Mikoto Uchiha,” Mikoto returned the favor before nodding. “Be careful. We should also be heading our way.”

“Ah, yes. Of course!” Nono dipped her head. “Thank you again!”

She hurriedly jogged towards the exit before promptly tripping on her leg and falling face-first again. This time, her skirt accidentally flipped from behind as she landed, leading Team 9 and a few others to witness—

“Am I crazy, or is that a Konoha’s symbol on her—”

“We’re leaving!”

Mikoto and Kushina dragged Kai away with furious blushes on their faces as the man took another glance, not out of some sick need but pure curiosity. He wanted to know where he could get Konoha-printed undies… they could make for good target practice on his onaholes.

Nevertheless, he saw it.

Now, he could create it.

*Tuc*

*Tuc*

*Tuc*

*Tuc*

Mikoto and Kushina walked with additional force on their steps, indicating their foul moods. Of course, one of them erupted shortly after.

“What the hell was her problem?!”

Often quiet, the basement level’s emptiness ensured Kushina’s voice echoed further down the corridor.

“Maybe she’s truly clumsy,” Mikoto smiled wryly.

“No way,” Kai blinked.

“What?” Kushina snapped. “You’re the one who said she was a klutz.”

“You guys don’t know who Nono is?” Kai tilted his head and informed Mikoto. “She’s one of the early graduates from the academy. I thought you would remember her since you joined the academy before us.”

Mikoto paused before shaking her head.

“Nope, I don’t recall her. Must have been another class.”

“So, what else do you know?” Kushina questioned.

“Don’t tell me you didn’t even see that?” The boy instantly regained the mischief in his eyes, taking a mysterious route of discovery as the girls instantly felt ticked off. Yet, they played along. They had no other choice.

“First!” Kai walked ahead of them. “Those glasses were fake. You would have noticed those glasses had no depth variation or curves.”

Mikoto recollected the memory but failed to notice the critical differences as Kai continued.

“Also, if you focused on those stacks of finely printed papers, you would have noticed that it wasn’t anything related to medical ninjutsu but a fictional story.”

Kushina and Mikoto stopped.

“Are you serious?” Kushina’s lips parted in shock.

“Why would I lie?” Kai looked back at the girls. “Oh, a wire was also attached to her skirt's hem. Maybe she’s a pervert and likes the attention.”

“Why were you looking so closely at her flipped skirt, Kai-chan?” Mikoto deadpanned.

“Because everyone else was busy staring at a girl’s ass,” Kai shrugged with a shit-eating grin. “And as the team’s medic—”

The duo sighed explosively.

“—You have to be better than everyone else!” they chorused with a sarcastic tone.

“Correct!” Kai declared.

“Konaha’s filled with pervert,” Kushina huffed.

“Says Bubbles.”

“Hey!” Kushina snapped.

“It’s the best nickname you’ll ever get,” Kai replied smugly. He loved getting just vengeance for every cheek-glomping.

“I like Bubbles,” Mikoto smiled, knowing there must be another embarrassing story for Kushina somewhere within the name.

<<<>>>

As the trio entered Tsunade’s office to hear the result of their most recent exam, a figure flickered from roof to roof, unhindered by her broken glasses or alleged clumsiness. Her light-brown hair and fair skin seemingly fused under the bright afternoon sun before she shortly climbed into one of Konoha’s darker alleys, not seen leaving it by anyone else.

***

Alternate Title: Kai’s a Star Reference All Along; May The Force Be With You, Young Padawan; Kai About To Use Force Orgasms; Mito Never Stood a Chance; Kai’s Ready To Throw Hands With Everyone; Growth; Near Jonin Level; Nearing Another Advancement; Orochimaru Really Fooled Ya; Orochimaru Is The Type Of Guy To Explain Integrals In a Basic Division; Kai: I Can Sense! (Kushina: I’m About To End Your Whole Career) (Mikoto: Prepare for Trouble) (Minato: Make It Double); Mito Is So Bored She’s Just Letting Things Slide (Pun Intended); Koalaaaaa; Koala Mood; Hiruzen’s Character Arc; Hiruzen’s Shonen Advancement; Danzo’s Seinen Regression; When Naruto’s Talk No Jutsu Fails; The Light and Dark (Kai Being A Maniacal Spectrum Of Harem And Gore Instead); To The Hospital; Important Exam; Orochimaru Pulled a Classic Out of Syllabus; The Meme About Studying In Class, The Homework, and The Stuff In Exams; Nono Yakushi; The Outlier; Kai Sees Things Beyond Our Understanding; The Secret Story About The Hospital’s Staff; What Did Kai Do?; Kai Terrorizes Everyone; The Symbol of Equality; Everyone Catches These Hands; Kai Is An Example For The Society. He Lets The Fallen Rise; The Fake Eyes; Nono: Fooled Ya, Tehe (Kai: Laughs In Emotional Instability); New Gamer Trait Unlocked: Focused Culture; Kai: You Look At Asses, I Look At It And Beyond. We’re Not The Same; Weird Nono; The Abyss; When Kai Uses a Fraction Of His Skills For Anything Aside Onaholes: I’m Batman

***

A/N: I didn’t have pics for Nono fresh out of the academy and didn’t wanna draw children myself since I prefer chibi more (a comic strip will be published with a future chapter; I hope it’s as funny as I’m thinking, lol.) Anyway, I’ll post Nono pics when she’s a teen. Saves me the trouble of drawing and focus on writing another chapter instead.