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Chapter 121 - combined (Patreon)

Published:
2019-05-22 14:51:25
Edited:
2019-07-03 23:46:17
Imported:
2021-01

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Content

***4th July - FINAL Version ***

Hey everyone!

I've been doing some edits of the last chapter and have combined both halves into a single "Chapter 121". There's a few extra additions as well, but nothing major.

Thanks very much to everyone who let me know about any errors they spotted, hopefully they should all be fixed now!

Tefler

Comments

Tefler

I've written 9k of chapter 122, so I should be finished by the end of the month!

Nchalada

Fabulous!

Muledrvr

Yay, have to check out the changes tonight

Anonymous

Now I have something to do this afternoon. Thanks Tefler!

David Shmilowitz
>>22962346

now that the 2 halves are combined, will there be further edits to this chapter or is this the final version?

Nekronom

Thsnks a bunch

Anonymous

you sir, are the best

Michael

Thanks!

Anonymous

Thanks, Tefler!

Jedi Khan

What might these "few extra additions" be? Are they hard to find?

Anonymous

Well done our fine friend. Keep on keepin on!

Anonymous

Thanks Bruv!

Anonymous
>>22964067

I think there are no major changes. A couple of sentences were rewritten, a few more were shortened or lenghtened a bit and some comma's added or removed. One 'naught' became the less-common 'nought' for reasons unknown; Dana says 'shit' instead of 'crap' now, she gets fatigued at a slightly different spot, and no longer has a flooded subconsciousness, and then there's the addition of eleven (yes, I counted them) shaken heads (instead of deflating, frowning, nodding, gaping, smiling wryly and the such). And now nobody cares about near-extinct Trankarans anymore. (Edit: the error list works the wrong way 'round, too, so I removed that. I feel stupid enough as it is.) All hail diff!

Alphaonetango

Got excited and thought it was a new chapter, but this makes it a lot easier to read now. I will take a look at it a few times to see if I can spot errors. Keep it up and vote Lord Bucket Head for PM.

Anonymous

An update from the Grand Narrative Overlord helps ease my withdrawal between chapter posting. It does wonders for my emotional well being.

J B

Oh holy hell, you magnificent bastard.

Who Me

Question - If all of the Maliri females who have "been with" John all have white hair, why do John's "Thralls" (the Invictus crew) all have different colored hair?

Kensyi

Easier reading, little sad it isn't the next chapter, I'm dying to know what happens next. Also really sad about Faye

J B
>>22980167

They're Terran, not Maliri. Instead of a follicular makeover, they got the Change.

Kensyi

3rd time reading this chapter, and it struck me, has it been discussed in the story about how there seems to be an awful lot of insectoid species in the galaxy?

ringill

Noticed one normal/telepathic mismatch left, *Holy fuck...* Dana gasped, shocked at how quickly the situation had deteriorated. “Wait... does that mean John had to kill his own dad?!*

J B

The whole Faye portion hit me harder than in Wounded Little Birds. The underlaying reveal to the organic crew that the whole robotic crew are a 'collective' just adds to the emotion. Changing the boys' face to show the tear was inspired, as was honoring the three missing boys with masks. I wonder if one or more of those 3 might still be stuck in orbit.

Big Dude

Ladies and Gentlemen, I wonder what will happen when Sakura gives John Larn's wand and while he is twirling it he accidentally points it at Faye's cyborg body. THEN... In the words of 2001 Space Odyssey "Something magical occurs."

TF4EVA

Faye wasn't considering stealing the Invictus she was trying to put John and the girls into a safe space for a time. She didn't actually get the opportunity to steal the invictus. In John's current state of mind he is says he is going to delay babies for the girls. In his rejection will he put the girls more at risk as he becomes exactly what he says he does not want to be - a progenitor.

Anonymous

Faye's soul is not in her body, so unless she did some self-modifications/upgrades dead is dead. Otherwise, you'll get a Frankenstine type scenario where the body will be "ALIVE" but it won't be Faye. But what is this soul forge? Is that what was used to create all these different species; Maliri, Lenarrans, Trankarans, Drakkar? If it is maybe John can build one and create a race of Faye and infuse them with everything they loved about her.

Jedi Khan
>>23025198

A Soul Forge has been implied by Larn, when he was observing the Battle of Terra against the Kintark, to be used in the construction of ships. What you're thinking of is Mael'Nerak's lab, which we currently do not know the location of.

John P

A self-replicating cyborg race with no defined lifespan = a nicer version of the Borg?

Anonymous
>>22989080

If you go by arthropods (insects, spiders, centipedes, isopods, crabs/lobsters, etc.), they are the largest single group of known animal species on Earth. I think Tefler is just extending that into extraterrestrial species. Unlike most pop culture scifi that relies on a mammalian body plan; most likely because the cheapest special effects technique was to put an actor in makeup and a costume). To the best of my knowledge, every species has some parallel to an actual species on Earth (colony animals like the Bolon actual exist, e.g. corals). My only technical issue is the evolution of intelligence, the physical ability to manipulate technology (species with wings or eel like species), and the language ability to communicate complex ideas/concepts (like bees and ants that communicate using pheromones and/or physical displays).

Taco1085

although her sever is dead, why can't he bring her back to life with the wand and pull in her memories as a catalyst to rebuild the body and make her a real girl... lol, without having to grow a long nose when she is not telling the truth. just a thought, wishful thinking... I like where you went with that oldman64. the wand enhanced LarnK's psychic powers. so this will enhance John's. I am glad Sakura picked it up. We don't need Rahn using it against John... As for the maintenance bots... I thought they had thrusters on their feet to do maintenance outside the ship in space and in dry dock. but then again they are not shielded for reentry into the atmosphere.... dang it... I liked the bots...

rich ed

i really hope 7 and 13 maintenance bots were not the ones that are in the vacuum of space

thomas rodrian

I think the Raptor is Lost in Space.

Anonymous

any words on the status of the next chapter?

Anonymous

Can anyone explain why ancient beings are evil? Shouldn't they be enlightened? Where is Yoda when you need him? Can he make a cameo?

Anonymous

I only noticed a couple of typoes this time. "One even glanced down the corridor that Sakura had been standing in only moment earlier," should be "only A moment earlier" or "moments earlier". "There was an ornate chair that could more readily described as a throne" should be "more readily be described as a throne"

Anonymous
>>23073722

The ancients Devoured all of the good guys, that pretty much makes them all evil.

Anonymous

Darn you for making me cry for a robot funeral. I hope Faye is not gone for good. Too much has been invested in the character to throw away at this point. Computer prodigies on board and no one thinks about backups or distributed servers? It seems unlikely that an AI wouldn't have the sense of self preservation to have made contingency plans and made backups at one of the bases if not multiple bases with appropriate triggers. Possibly Little One is the key to bringing Faye back.

Anonymous

In chapter 120 I came across the following: “Climbing the illuminated steps up to the Command Podium, the purple sprite sat down in John’s chair, tucking her feet underneath her. It had just turned 11:00 pm, so she decided to check on the crew, flicking through the internal security cameras and watching as the girls settled down in bed with the dozing Nymphs. John was still with Marika in Jade’s bedroom, the latest catgirl sleeping in his arms. Faye desperately wanted to talk to John about something she’d seen on the security cameras, but he’d been busy all evening and she hadn’t had an opportunity.” She never got to talk to John because of ensuing events… Rather curious as to what she saw and could it possibly help in recovering Faye?

bigdawguw65
>>23091533

I think (completely with no great inside info ) it might have been an abnormality in the scanners that turned out to be the shielded Larn's Black Ship . It might have made their capture a little different , but considering the vast gulf in tech & power the outcome probably not to much .

Anonymous

I have just listened and watched bad girls 3 by GMV on you tube, have a look with work it could apply to John and the girls, what do you think.

rich ed

So Mael made nexus and odds on Irillith's hacking deck. Maybe the deck was a portable nexus?

Anonymous

When????

Anonymous

i think Faye is coming back, here is why. she has had 2 feedings of that ' psychic catalyst '. she ran a diagnostics but can not detect her own changes. her server was blackened, not damaged. by all rights she should have come back then. her consiousness must be elsewhere. I bet the blast sent her mind to the astral plane leaving her body inert.

Anonymous
>>23141269

I too don't believe we've seen the last of Faye... Tefler has invested too much in her to just snuff her out like that. I have faith!

Anonymous
>>23141269

DS, I would personally love to have Faye come back. But like Game of Thrones, there has to be some emotional cost and some real peril on behalf of the crew. While the girls are basically immortal, I wonder if Tefler is running into the problem that plagued the original super hero (Superman) comic writers. When a hero is so completely "over powered" you have to introduce some device to make them vulnerable again. Faye's death might act like such a device. The other common device to introduce real peril is to have the villains on par with the hero in qualities but opposite in character, e.g. Holmes vs. Moriarty. Faye's death still sucks though.

Anonymous

F5!!!!°

DCM
>>23141269

Sooo, some modified / metaphor of Faye. Something through the bots and little one. I still want to think that a traumatized Faye will continue in the network watching over everyone. I just think she will not want to be a real person, at least not right away. She has experienced some aspects of love, has managed her family of bots, kept her humans mostly safe, and created a new “life.” Maybe “ether Faye” will be pieced back together over time. There is no way she will feel successful over the events leading to capture of her family and destruction of her ship. She will be damaged. She will be hard on herself. Just as John would be.

Anonymous

Tef ch110 '...getting blasted across the room and being stuck here' should end 'stuck there'

Anonymous
>>23141269

Maybe, as with the other non-psychic girls, after the 3rd feeding is the one where Dana gets a brainwave about using the Ashanath or Bolon psychic interface & adapts it so Faye & Alyssa can bond!

Anonymous

That was beautiful. I'm crying, that's how attached I've become to all of your characters. I'm so happy that they aren't floating in the vacuum of space anymore.

Anonymous

Faye also mentions that she's been uploading data and I think memories into 'little one'? With all the psychic tech they've been working on for talking and sending information psychically, it seems fairly probably to lead into Faye being able to communicate with the girls and John at some point. From a plot perspective, simply introducing that tech just to send blueprints seems silly, especially with how long they've been talking about it. I'm guessing either Faye will come back, like Jade but with more drama (not trying to be insulting), or 'little one' may take her place like with Data in that one Star Trek movie. Also possible that Faye will become a fourth Matriarch. There's hundreds of Thrall ships needing pilots, and Progenitors needing killing. Who better than a psychic Faye? The plot demands an exponential increase in the power of the crew. I can't wait for it.

Bad Dog
>>23201872

I like to point out that they have already been communicating with Faya psychically for a long time. I mean, how else is Irillith talking to her in the computer realm? Is with her mind!! And not only her, remember that John and Alyssa have both been there to so is not just something that’s is exclusive to Irillith. I think that they just need to have that’s epiphany and they will realize that there is no inherent reason they can’t communicate with her directly.

bigdawguw65
>>23201872

While I've not got a handle on what the exact difference is , the Cyber realm is different from the Physic realm .The cyber realm where Faye lives & Rill hacks into computers is physical , & the things they run into are software programs . Riil , Alyssa & John were able to visit there when doing a Spirit Walk by "diving through the portal" . When they visit the Physic realm , or Astral plane they are Spirit Walking but are not in a physical world . It's my interpretation anyway .

Jedi Khan
>>23201872

John and Alyssa both needed Irillith's help to visit Faye in the digital realm, so it's not a place that either of them can go to on their own. It requires Irillith's unique abilities to accomplish.

BlackPhoenix

I really like this chapter. Packed with lots of action, some long awaited answers given, but also new mysteries introduced. Such a sad ending though. I really hope another wounded little bird gets saved. I have Faye-t in Tefler. ;-)

Anonymous

I’ve just finished reading and I’m a new patron. Tef you’ve been...arg.... words cannot express. I’m quietly considering my life at this moment. I’m good

ringill

D'oh, just reading the SOL version now it's up and spotted something that had slipped through our editing net! *I agree, you thrice-damned fool!” his guide screamed. “Free me so we can gut this cretin like the pitiful maggot he is!*