The New Ron - Chapter 32 (Patreon)

“I don't have time for this!” I bemoaned overdramatically, dropping my head back to smack against the hard metal of the bank of lockers behind me.

“Tell me again how the school paper's tapping you for content if you're... not on the school paper?” Kim asked, frowning as she shuffled through the cramped space of her own school locker. “Ugh, stupid printer!”

“Here, let me,” I offered, giving her a hip-nudge out of the way before reaching into the depths of my pocket and pulling out Rufus. “Hey, buddy. Got a smidge of a problem and a tiny space to fix it. You up for it?”

The naked mole rat blinked, chittered, and nodded before turning towards the printer and diving into its guts. Kim raised a crimson eyebrow as she looked at me while Rufus worked. “Let you, huh?”

I shrugged. “I mean, I could pull the unit out and do surgery on it if you want, but Rufus is the only way you get that paper printed before class starts.”

Kim sighed, “Point.”

Rufus emerged, shaking his whiskers a moment later, splattered lightly with ink and squeaked at us. “Okay!”

Sure enough, the printer spat out a crumpled page before rolling out the next few smooth and perfect. Kim grinned widely at the rodent, “Oooh! Rufus, you totally rock! This really saved me!”

Playing bashful, Rufus twisted shyly at the praise, accepting a quick peck on the head from my girlfriend. Looking the little guy over, I sighed. “Yep, that's printer ink. Ugh, you're gonna' need a bath later, buddy.”

Rufus stuck his tongue out at me and dived for my pocket, making me sigh.

Sometimes, I swear... if it wasn't for the years of good-natured friendship and mutual aid I'd have words with that naked mole rat.

“Still doesn't like baths, huh?” Kim asked as she looked over the report before reaching for a small stapler clinging to the wall of her locker magnetically.

“Nope... anyway, what were we-oh, right! The school paper bullshit.” I groaned, rolling my eyes. “Ugh, so apparently the editor needs some space to fill for next week's edition and she dug up all of my old applications from earlier in the year.”

“Oh yeah,” Kim nodded to herself. “You had that total bug in your ear about getting on the paper. I totally forgot about that. What happened, you seemed so excited by it?”

“I needed an extracurricular and thought it would be a good fit,” I stated with a shrug as Kim packed up. “Then the whole Mad Dog thing came out of nowhere and I just kind of moved on. But, yeah, I turned her down so she did an end-run around me and got in contact with Mrs. Barch.”

“Ah... I think I see where this is going,” Kim replied knowingly. “Barch is the faculty sponsor for the school paper, right?”

“In addition to being freshman English, yep,” I sighed. “So, anyway, Barch offered me an alternative assignment instead of the book report we're doing and I hate The Outsiders, so...”

“You hate The Outsiders?” Kim asked, surprised. “Really? I thought it was supposed to be a classic.”

“Lots of 'classics' aren't worth the paper they're printed on,” I shook my head. “But, yeah, I thought it'd be an easy pass because the article is only supposed to be a few thousand words instead of ten-plus pages.”

“So what went wrong?” Kim asked. “Like you said, sounds like an easy dunk. Not that I approve of weaseling your way out of an assignment.”

“Weasels are actually very intelligent and cunning animals, so I'll take that as a compliment,” I riposted, grinning at her faus-exasperation. “But, yeah, I've submitted five different articles for the paper. The editor, this senior chick named Casey is drunk on power, though, and wants something with a huge reader hook. Apparently readership numbers are down and she can't cope with the impending death of print media.”

Kim snorted. “Harsh, but fair. What were the articles about?”

“I did one about Wally, since he's enrolling here next semester, but apparently that's 'old new.'” I added the air quotes with my own fingers as I shouldered my backpack and we began moving down the hallway. “Then I wrote one about the latest trip we took down to South America.”

“What was wrong with that one?” Kim asked curiously.

I grimaced. “I actually think she got a call from someone in the government and they told her to kill the story. If only because of how twitchy she was and how she started raising her voice and looking around at various appliances in the office while she was telling me to write something else.”

Kim sucked in a hissing breath. “Okay, yeah... that makes more sense than I want to admit. Probably don't want anything about the mind control tech getting out.”

“Probably. I'll see about having Wade comb the school computers for bugs, though. Just in case someone else is listening in.” While I could take the government spying on me to a degree, I'd like to avoid the possibility of foreign governments and villains doing so.

“Good call,” Kim nodded, turning back to me. “What about the other... three?”

I nodded. “Yeah, three. I wanted to do one on our general save-the-world stuff, but she shot it down as a fluff piece without much substance.”

Kim stiffened in quiet outrage, her green eyes lighting up. “Rude, much?”

“Rude, very much,” I snorted. “There was also something about it not being school news, which... eh, I can kind of see? I guess. Even if it's all about two students from the school doing stuff and the paper prints club activities all the time. But, yeah, four and five were pretty standard workups for a field trip to the observatory and Mr. Barkin's detention policy.”

“Wow, you know you're swinging for the fences when you interview Barkin of all people,” Kim giggled. “And she said no to all of those? Yeah, total ego trip.”

“Who's ego trip?” Tara asked as she and Bonnie approached shouldering bags of their own.

“Casey, the senior girl in charge of the newspaper,” I shrugged.

“Oh, her. Yeah, total ego trip. She tried to lecture me on fashion! Me! Can you believe it? All because she had some stupid fashion column for her paper and thought plaid was coming back in!” Bonnie... and Kim and Tara all shivered dramatically over the declaration.

“My horror knows no bounds,” I replied tonelessly.

Bonnie sniffed and rolled her eyes. “Puh-lease, Stoppable. Your secret's out. Everyone knows you actually know how to dress yourself when you feel like it. Even you have to know what kind of fashion sin it is to recommend plaid.”

“I knew a stylish makeover would come back to bite me in the ass,” I groaned.

Kim and Tara both giggled and even Bonnie's superior smirk twitched in amusement.

“Anyway, losers,” Bonnie began, and I had to subtly nudge Kim as my partner's hackles rose. Bonnie's casualness and Tara's lack of offense clued me in that this was just Bonnie being Bonnie. “I wanted to make sure our fearless leader remembered she can't go flying halfway-across the world immediately after school if she wants to keep the team captain's spot.”

“Gee, thanks Bonnie,” Kim replied, saccharine sincerity dripping from the words. “I'll make sure to run it by you if I have to help a village in the arctic whose only road got wiped out in an avalanche.”

“See that you do,” Bonnie declared with all the pomp and circumstance of the Queen at a gala. “Oh, and Ronnie? I want another one of those foot massages.”

This time, both Kim and Tara gave the brunette a bit of the evil eye and, judging from her sudden blush and avoidance of eye contact, she received the message.

“At the risk of inviting disaster, I'm going to tentatively agree in the name of keeping the fragile peace between you and Kim,” I stated slowly and cautiously.

“Ron, you don't have to do what she says-”//”Bonnie, can we talk about asking my boyfriend for favors-” Kim and Tara began, crossing their arms and talking over each other.

“Time Out!” I cried, loud enough to draw attention from other passing students and a few warning looks from teachers manning the hallways. Still, it did the job and both girls halted their rants to let me speak. “As I was saying, I'll agree to your extremely polite request if you can throw me some juicy gossip around school. I need to write this stupid article that's eating my free time and I think Casey wants an asinine rumor-monger piece. So, if you've got the scoop on a break-up or a secret romantic meet-up or something, I'll tend to your highness' needs.”

My girlfriends exchanged a quick look before Tara handed the ball off to KP first.

Kim sighed. “Ron, you still don't need to do what Bonnie says. You can totally ask me if there's any gossip around school.”

Bonnie snorted.

I shook my head. “KP, love ya' ta' bits, but you're waaay too straight-laced to get the dirty stuff. Ms. Class President.”

Offended, Kim turned to Tara... who grimaced, but nodded. Bonnie grinned as Kim's green eyes found her brown. “Ronnie's got you pegged, Possible. You're miss goodie-two-shoes. No way you have the info he needs. Or, hey, prove me wrong. You dig up a dirty secret for him to write up in the newspaper by the end of the day and he won't have to pay the piper.”

“Oh, it is on!” Kim huffed, turning and stomping off.

I sighed and gave Bonnie a mild glare. “Did you have to?”

The bitch-queen shrugged. “I have to get my kicks in somehow, Stoppable.”

Tara glared at her friend. “Why don't you just get a professional massage? I know you have a credit card your parents don't check.”

Bonnie winced and the draining flush to her cheeks returned as she mumbled something. Tara blinked and leaned closer. “Sorry, didn't hear that.”

“I said,” Bonnie sighed, slumping. “Stoppable's better than the masseuse I normally use.”

Tara blinked and looked over to me as I puffed up a bit with pride. “Okay, maybe I'm good with you just having to say that a few more times as payment.”

Bonnie rolled her eyes and glared at me. “Like hell, once was enough. More than enough. You'll take your gossip for the school's rag of a newspaper and be happy with it.”

Tara giggled again, sliding over to me as her friend marched off in a mirror image of Kim's own defiant move. Turning to me, she raised an eyebrow as we laced our arms together even as we walked off in a third direction towards our shared first period class. “Soooo... should I be worried about you and Bonnie? Considering your history together and your apparently magic fingers?”

I snorted. “Unlikely. Anything between Bonnie and I was, is, and will be purely transactional. Heck, you know her well enough. What do you think of the odds of us having an actual relationship?”

Tara sucked in a breath through her teeth. “Not good.” She paused. “At least, unless she learns you're rich. Then she'll try to milk you by playing at being a loving girlfriend.”

My eyebrows rose. “Huh, I expected you to be more...”

Tara rolled her eyes at me. “She and I are friends, Ron. I know what she's like. I'm not going to lie to myself about what kind of person she is. She has reasons for doing what she does and, even if I disagree with them we each have our own lives to live.”

“That's an extremely mature and tolerant outlook on life, Tara,” I praised her sliding my arm out of hers to give her a side-hug.

“Also... we might be mutually-blackmailing each other over our darkest secrets,” Tara admitted sheepishly.

I paused, then shrugged. “Eh, if mutually assured destruction worked for so long for the United States and Soviet Union, it can't be all that bad a foundation for a relationship.”

Tara giggle-snorted, smacking me in the arm. “Casey's really being that much of a bitch?”

I sighed. “If it were that alone, I could manage, but I've got some projects with Wade on the back-burner that I really want to get back to.”

“Oh?” My blonde girlfriend asked curiously.

“He and I looked over the feasibility and profitability of an audio-video sharing site that we're nominally calling 'youtube.' It's... not looking too good, though. Even if we pick up an ad revenue model and institute some kind of platinum service to raise money... Well, it would make bank for just Wade and I, but it'd also eat up huge amounts of time and we can't afford to focus on that at the expense of everything else.” I explained at length, gesticulating with my free hand.

“Sounds rough,” Tara nodded. “What are you going to do, just drop it?”

I grinned. “Actually... I'm thinking 'startup, cash in, sell out.'”

She blinked at me. “Huh?”

“Create a small company that exists mostly on paper, file a bunch of patents for coding and algorithms, trademark the name, and run the site temporarily. Then, when some big tech giant looks our way, we sell it to them and cash out of the business for an easy payday and divide up the shares.” I explained.

As Tara mulled over the idea, I reflected that it really was a shame I didn't have the time or resources to really get behind the wheel of something like Youtube, but facts were facts. I had other commitments that took priority, but...

That didn't mean Wade and I couldn't write a better algorithm. Or, at least, a less deliberately provocative one that produced information silos and incentivized disinformation.

“Sounds a little shady,” Tara admitted, holding up two fingers a tiny distance apart.

“Hmm... a lot of people do it, though,” I replied.

“I feel like Kim would say that's not a good enough excuse,” Tara stated with a raised eyebrow.

“True, but I'll die on the bridge when it comes to it,” I nodded.

“I don't think-” Tara began, but I cut her off with a deadpan expression.

“I know what I said. This is Kim we're talking about here.”

Tara burst out laughing again.

The day went by smoothly enough from there, though I did have to explain to Barkin why the paper didn't want to take the interview I'd done with him, which wasn't pleasant. To his credit, the man seemed less irritated at me personally for once and more directly at the girl running it. Apparently, they'd argued about the appropriateness of various content before and he'd come out on the losing side. Informing him of the fact that she was low-key threatening the principal's son to interview his mother earned me a bit of leeway as well.

All of that isn't to say the man wasn't still unusually focused on me to nearly the level of a personal vendetta, but it was nice to know I could expect him to act semi-reasonably.

Kim had decided to bite into Bonnie's challenge with her typical assertiveness, finding that few schoolmates were willing to share good gossip with the class president, true to our predictions.

In the end, I had to give a series of massages that were both physical and metaphorical to keep several relationships copacetic.

Which explained why I was sliding my finger's between Kim's toes on the bleachers after cheer practice, my Mad Dog costume sitting in a large bag nearby, when her Kimmunicator beeped. I stilled as she groaned, reaching for the offending device. “You've got Kim, what's the sitch?”

“Oh, I'm glad you picked up Kimmie! I just wanted you to know you're on your own for dinner tonight. I'm going to be here at the hospital for another few hours.”

Initially shrugging the revelation off, given Mrs. Dr. P worked more than a few emergency shifts when necessary, my eyebrows rose at the next exchange.

“Okay, sure. Ron and I can hit up Bueno Nacho on the way home, it's been a few days. Should I get some for Dad and the twins?” Kim asked.

There was a moment of silence, then her mom sighed. “Oh, that man, I swear. Your father must not have called you like I asked. Your brothers decided it was a great idea to copy some stunt-woman on the television and parachuted off the roof of the house, Kimmie.”

Kim's eyes went wide as her face paled as I felt the muscles in her legs tense. “Are they-?!”

“They're fine, dear. Well, mostly. Jim has a fractured arm and Tim broke a leg. They're going to be in casts for a while, but it doesn't look like the falls did anything serious beyond that. Your father and I are just going to be busy for a while yet. We'll pick up something on the way home after we finish explaining to the boys how little television or video games they'll have access to for the next week-”

A pair of groans were heard over the speakers.

“-I'm sorry, I believe I meant month. Don't give me that look, you boys scared me and your father half to death! Kim, I've got to go, you take care. Love you, sweetie.”

“Love you too, mom,” Kim replied automatically, her shoulders drooping as her mom cut off and groaning as she dropped her head into her hands. “Ugh... this is all that stupid show's fault they've been obsessed with. That bitch, what's her name... Adrena Lynn! If I get my hands on her-!”

Meanwhile, my brows furrowed. The name rang a bell, but... a vague one. It had been a while since I'd seen the series, maybe this was one of the one-shot villains? Like that dude who used Smarty-Mart gear?

Oh well, I had better things to worry about.

~~~

Alright! This is the last story chapter of the month. Nice bonus-length New Ron chapter doing some normal stuff at normal school, which isn't something we've had for a while. This will probably be a relatively short three-episode arc for one episode that usually gets forgotten. I'm looking forward to Sink or Swim next, though.

In other news, expect a Semper ad Meliora quest update (Code Geass Quest on SV) in the next day or two. I'll sneak that in and probably do the poll for next month right afterward.

While the poll's running, I'll do... something. Spin the roulette wheel and see what comes up.

Thank you all again for all your support through March! I hope everything's been going well for all of you and that it continues to do so.