Early Access: It's Okay To Not Be Okay E2 (Patreon)

E2. I hadn't thought of this in episode 1, but.. besides the opening animation looking like a goth fairytale, is this story supposed to be a goth fairytale?

I'm undecided at the moment, but right now, I'm leaning towards yes, particularly because our female lead is styled as a beautiful, damaged, probably-good-at-heart-but-otherwise-easily-casually-cruel witch, who's thrilled that she's found the equivalent of her metaphorical red shoes, which will keep her feet dancing even when they're sliced off by an executioner.

I think I'm going to try using a goth fairytale lens for now, and see how that works out. Right now, if I think of these characters as real people, it's really hard for me to actually enjoy the unfolding of this story, because, as some viewers have expressed, a part of my brain just wants to urge Kang Tae to run as far away from Moon Young as possible, immediately. But, if I think of this as a goth fairytale, wherein Kang Tae and Moon Young aren't real people, but characters in a goth fairytale world, I find it all lands a lot better.

Seo Ye Ji is doing a fantastic job being Moon Young. She looks amazing, and I love that unlike most kdrama female leads, she rocks a voice that's on the lower end of the female register. It adds to the darker flavor of her character. Because of her impeccable wardrobe, Moon Young's been compared to IU's character in Hotel Del Luna, and when I imagine IU in the role of Moon Young, I find that IU's higher, relatively thinner speaking voice doesn't blend as well with the character, in my head.

On top of that, I love the languid ease with which Seo Ye Ji infuses Moon Young with, as a character. There's something badass and cool, about a character who's as unfazed as Moon Young is, no matter how crazy the situation is, around her. She has no qualms about throwing a situation into disarray, in order to say what she wants to say, or do what she feels is needed.

The problem, of course, is that the things that she says and does are often socially unacceptable and sometimes, downright dangerous. Like when she wanted to plunge the knife into the patient in episode 1, or when she pushes the book critic / reporter down the stairs in this episode, then literally grumbles about the fact that he doesn't die. That's truly disturbing stuff, and it makes her feel like a dangerous character, like she's a dormant mine that might just get set off one day, when someone takes a wrong step, and end up exploding and killing everyone.

On the other hand, that moment when she chooses to stand up for Sang Tae at the book-signing event, was pretty satisfying to watch. It's completely socially inappropriate, and it's potential career suicide, but the way she gives an eye for an eye, to the couple that had been tormenting Sang Tae, and provides a calm, glib explanation every step of the way, is admittedly satisfying to watch. She won't wait for someone else to dole out punishment, if she feels punishment is warranted. She couches it as the couple needing to apologize to her for ruining her event, but in reality, she's stepping in to help Sang Tae and Kang Tae, as we hear in her muttered self-talk, before she intervenes. There's something alluring about her rogue confidence, even though it's - so far, anyway - expressed in inappropriate ways.

And, even though my brain protests that Kang Tae has enough to deal with, without Moon Young and her issues entering his world, it is quite refreshing to see that Moon Young immediately recognizes her attraction to Kang Tae, and pursues it. Although Moon Young's default expression, if she wears one, is that of boredom, amusement regularly flashes across her face, when she's looking at Kang Tae, or thinking about him.

On the surface, it seems like she wants to have him as some kind of plaything, as we see in her daydream of being a giant and picking him up by the scruff of the neck like he's some kind of tiny amusing mouse. But, later in the episode, she's offering to pay him money, to give him the authority to keep her in check, so that she doesn't explode. That's interesting to me. She wants him to have some kind of emotional power over her, and that's the opposite of picking him up as a plaything. I'm intrigued, to say the least, and curious to see how serious she is, about this.

As for Kang Tae, he makes my heart hurt, the more I know about him. To think that he'd lost his mother - who was murdered, no less - at such a young age, and then had run away with Sang Tae, so that he and hyung wouldn't be separated, and then had basically grown up as Sang Tae's caregiver, is such heartrending stuff. He'd had to function as a grown up, when he was just a kid, and all this time, on top of basic things like finding food and shelter, he'd taken on the gargantuan task of caring for a mentally ill older brother who needed special care. And, to think that he's done it all so faithfully all this time, with so much love and patience all this time, is just breathtaking and heartbreaking at once. 

Kang Tae's sacrificed a great deal for Sang Tae, what with the multiple job changes and the constant moving, to keep ahead of the seasonal butterflies that trigger Sang Tae's anxiety attacks, and he's done it without complaint, and with compassion, even though it has meant transient relationships all his life, except with Jae Soo. But this episode, Kang Tae articulates that he's probably also constantly moving for his own sake, because, as he puts it, "When life is unbearably hard, the easiest way out is to run."

That layer of Kang Tae wanting to run away and hide from his unbearably hard life, just makes everything about him ten times more poignant. He's such a caring brother; that scene of him throwing his own jacket to cover a terrified Sang Tae, and hugging him and apologizing, while trying to soothe him, just hits me right in the heart. Whenever Sang Tae acts out, Kang Tae always responds with patience and love, and this is such a stark contrast to the ignorant couple who'd insulted Sang Tae and treated him roughly. We've seen Kang Tae pour out so much love so many times, that it's extra painful to realize that he's hurting so much on the inside. He's hidden it well, and all we can see are glimpses of swallowed anger or displeasure, so the reveal, that he's running from the unbearable hardness of his life, is gut-wrenching.

With this reveal, the playing field is more evened out, in the sense that both Moon Young and Kang Tae are in need of some kind of healing. And, that scene where Kang Tae teaches Moon Young the Butterfly Method of self-soothing, seems symbolic. In this scene, he's attempting to teach Moon Young how to take a step back, but she turns it around on him, and tells him that trauma is best dealt with face-to-face, as she gets up close in his personal space. I'm guessing that this is an early metaphor for how they will help each other. He will help her self-soothe and control herself, while she will help him stop running away, and face his trauma face-to-face. It's a touch heavy-handed, but it works.

Given the very crackly nature of the chemistry between Moon Young and Kang Tae, I'm definitely curious to see more of them together, now that she's tracked him down to Seongjin City. There's a very natural rhythm that seems to exist, between Kang Tae and Moon Young.

That scene where he steps in to hold her back from arguing with the book critic, each time he reaches for her arm, her wrist, or her hand, it feels so deft and natural, like he's done this many times before, with her. Except that he hasn't. Which makes it all the more thrilling. My favorite moment, was when he grabbed her by the hand, to stop her from reaching out to probably hit the book critic. That felt more respectful and intimate than the wrist-grabs. But, the combination of it all - the grabs to the arm, wrist, hand and then wrist again - came across like some kind of dance. And I was quite enthralled.

Jae Soo is such a loyal friend. Even when Kang Tae tells him to stop following them around so that he can settle down and live a more stable life, Jae Soo instinctively refuses, saying that it's up to him to decide what he wants to do. That's how much love he has for Kang Tae and Sang Tae; he's willing to be nomadic, so that he can be with them, even if that means that life is hard. Aw.

I also want to give major props to Show for bringing Sang Tae's world to life, to our eyes. That snippet, when Sang Tae was joyously going to the book-signing, and everything just took on extra life and color, popping to life and basically jumping off the page to meet him, was so well done. It made me feel like I was seeing the world through Sang Tae's eyes, and it was weird and different and quite wonderful, and I felt like I could understand Sang Tae better, because of it. 

Also, I know I've said it already, but Oh Jung Se is incredible as childlike Sang Tae. That scene when he was getting ready to leave for the book-signing, is just brilliantly done. Sang Tae recites the entirety of what's playing on his screen, from the cartoon itself, to the commercials, and also, effortlessly recites the note that Moon Young wrote in the book that she autographed for him, and all of it is rattled off a mile a minute, like some kind of soothing mechanism that gives him stability, and he does it almost absentmindedly, and it's so pitch perfect, that I find it hard to believe that I watched Oh Jung Se be a scheming GM not so long ago, in Stove League. He's freaking brilliant as an actor, and I'm jaw-on-the-floor impressed with him, in this role.