Fucking Day: Another 469 Dirty Drawing Prompts (Patreon)

I’m a pretty confident and creative person, but I don’t think I possess the erotic imagination strong enough to come up with 469 Dirty Drawing prompts, let alone ANOTHER 469 Dirty Drawing Prompts. Who is going around with nearly a thousand Dirty Drawing prompts locked and loaded in their gray matter, and what has that information replaced? How many stories, friends, and non-Dirty Drawing prompts did they have to forget?

In 2022, Barbara Kortekaas could have written a complete flash fiction instead of just the words "Jill Off" and then a full blank page for your erotic imagination to run wild. You might be thinking this is a Chat GPT hack job, but I asked Chat GPT for 469 erotic drawing prompts, and it told me no. I had to drop my request down to "semi-erotic" drawing prompts, and then it crapped out stuff like "the soft brush of a hand across a cheek in a moment of affection," which is a far cry from "Jill Off," you tasteful robot nerd.

You might notice that there are multiple erotic art prompts on each page. The intro to the book suggests you can "amp up the sexy challenge and create a single image incorporating all three ideas into one masterpiece of sexual art," but if you draw someone jilling off a fucking animal with jumper cables, you're probably going to jail. Not the horny one, the regular kind.

The intro also says that you may publish a completed book with drawings on every page as an erotic art book. This could be a promising start to a new career for me. What do you think? Should I publish mine?

In case my drawing needs some interpretation, I made two star whores who are scary as fuck, and two who are erotic scholars, which are represented by their graduation caps and dildos. One of the star whore erotic scholars is happy because her parents are rich, and the other regrets taking out 100K in student loans for a PhD in erotic studies. My erotic sketchbook would obviously make millions, but then I would have to learn how to pay taxes, so I guess I'll stick to comedy.

Many of the prompts, like Star Whores, are vaguely puns because nothing is more erotic than puns. However, these are the kind of puns you would make if you have only the vaguest understanding of what sex is. Puns like "Twin Cheeks," "Mount Gush More," "Chest Nut," and my personal favorite…

Is this a Justin Bieber sex pun? Of all the pop culture references, this seems like a wild one to pull out (also a sex pun). Just In Beaver is such a casual way to describe having sex. You just go bowling, or just do some homework, you don't just in beaver. I know these puns aren't connected to anything, but as strange and shocking as some of them are, Just In Beaver is the one that's stuck with me the longest. It's such an unnecessarily long leap to a celebrity sex pun when Huge Jacking Man was right there! Or Amyl Nitraylor-Joy. Loose Penis Nyongo. Richard Kind (Of Has His Dong Out). Andy Dick. Whorey Feldm– h-help, I can't stop.

Another category of prompts that takes up a lot of my brain space are the ones that aren't sexy at all, like "Rusty Muff," "Old People Sex," and "Cunt With Teeth." Some of those prompts could be phrased a little differently and made way more erotic. For instance, if instead of "Old People Fucking," Barbara could have written "Cast Of Golden Girls Orgy." However, some of the prompts are so deeply haunting they can't be saved.

Foreskin should not be mean! I'm ignoring the most upsetting interpretation of this prompt and moving on because this is a comedy article. There is no way to make foreskin jerky less upsetting. I even tried combining it with the other two prompts on the page, "Gender Bender" and "Passion Patent Pending," which are mostly nothing, and all I got for my efforts was the phrase "Patent Pending Foreskin Jerky For Her" and I didn't want that at all! I should have heeded the warning on the back of the book.

It warned me not to open it, and I should have listened. Now I'm stuck with 469 pages of foreskin jerky and friends. I never thought that too much creativity would ever be something I complained about in a book, but here I am. This book is at its best when it's blunt and deliberate– when it's not trying to be fancy or make any puns… when it's delivering what it promised: erotic prompts and nothing more.

BUCKETS plural. Multiple buckets. I don't know why you would want to choose another prompt, but the same page also suggests "Nipple Play" and "Sixty Nine" which are simple, easily understandable sex prompts. I found this page safe and comforting in the confusing world of erotic art so I chose to draw it. Please enjoy my work titled: Buckets of Cum with varying emotions about being buckets of cum.

Some of the prompts in this book have taken something from me that I can never get back because I looked them up on Urban Dictionary to figure out if they were actually a thing or if they were just word salad. So, I'd like to pause here and memorialize some phrases I can never hear again. Rest in peace, Double Meat Sandwich. You're forever in my heart, Piping Bags. Backseat Driver, I should have known what you meant, but you got me, you little rascal.

There are also some phrases, like our friend "Crusty Cream," that are straight up horror. Not erotic in any way. Cream should not be crusty. If you find the cream is crusty, you should get out of there. Also, is this an attempt at a pun on Krispy Kreme donuts? I'm not even sure anymore. I might be seeing erotic puns in places where only erotic nightmares lurk.

I take issue with the word carnal here. Carnal makes it sound spooky, like a broken terminator that will not stop fucking, which is basically Arnold Schwarzenegger. He is the carnal cyborg, and I fear him. I think the author threw this one in because they love alliteration more than they hate the consequences of creating a carnal cyborg.

"Peekaboob Penis" is beyond my artistic interpretation. This is something a fourth grader contributed to the book. They should have stopped at peekaboob. Peekaboob Penis is a hat on a hat. It's an overworked mess. It's the Vorey Footstuff when a Horny Feldman would have been just fine.

There are a few other prompts in this book that were born from pure laziness. Things like "Titillating Thingamajig." That doesn't count as a prompt. That's how Barbara's husband tries to explain what his wife does to co-workers. If your imagination is so sparse you have to purchase a book of erotic prompts, "Titillating Thingamajig" is no help. It's an impossible task. It might as well say "I Couldn't Think of One" or "The Erotic Prompt Was Inside You All Along." At least "Peekaboob Penis" gives you firm landmarks to start from.

And some of the prompts are barely erotic at all. For example, "Being Very Bad" could mean anything. I chose to depict a woman stealing dildos from a small business and swearing to make it sexy enough for this book's intended purpose.

Look, I know I have a unique art style. I draw like a Dickensian orphan with rickets, which is in high demand in some areas, but please do not beg me to publish my erotic journal. My "Wanking Warlock" would win the Nobel Prize for art, and then I'd be too famous to keep writing for this website anymore. The remaining 466 erotic works of artistic genius I created are going deep into the hotdog vault so I remain undiscovered until the world is ready for art this erotic and plentiful.

This article was brought to you by our fine sponsor and Hot Dog Supreme: Mort, who can draw a fully nude Tim Daly penetrating an airplane using one unbroken erotic line.

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