Stuff that happens. It's in the past. (Patreon)

:(

Guys... i'm falling to pieces.

please let this post load fully, it has lots of GIFs. 

i know what i’m doing is bad. you're not supposed to post big, ugly displays of emotions.... but i'm hurting. i'm really fucking hurting.  

you can hate me, you can throw rocks at me, i don't care anymore.  this isn't worth the pain i'm giving myself by holding this all inside. 

For over a year now, i’ve been coping with Rokudenashi heavily pulling things out of my work.  It’s been absolutely gutting. i've tried to point this out to him, to try to get him to stop, but i've just been politely and firmly shut down by him.

This all began before Rokudenashi launched his patreon page. I was still working on powerplay 2 when i got a notice saying Rokudenashi signed up to me as a patron. He didnt say hi or leave any comments, he just silently collected a few months of rewards, then he went and launched his own page.

I pledged to him pretty much immediately. I recognized his name from Pixiv and was already a fan of his Venom fanart. Even now, if you go to his patreon page, on one of his oldest posts, you can see a comment i left enthusiastically looking forward to his work.

What i didnt expect to see, which made me stop and flinch, was that his page was almost word for word replica of my own. ‘Art pack’ had been switched to ‘Illustration pack’, the pledges he made were adopted directly from mine. The Mini, Monthly, and Premium Art packs became the Small, Medium, and Large Illustration packs, and they were followed by commission pledges. The formatting of the rest of the page was the same. Sentence by sentence, he had gone through how had i described myself and my artwork, then converted it to describe his own tastes. Even how I was writing out my posts with ‘View Online | Direct Download’ at the heading had been replicated.

 It sucks to see something like this happen, but you know what? End of the day, it really doesn’t matter. There are only so many ways to write up a patreon page, so who cares if one looks the same as the other? You’re here for the artist, not the campaign page. I still pledged, and i was happy to give my support to Rokudenashi, whatever the page looked like.

It’s what happened several months later on that just made my heart completely fall out of my chest….

Rokudenashi released a comic called Zark 2... it featured entire pages with scenes and plot that flow almost identically to Powerplay 2. 

Zark was not the featured character of this comic. Instead, on the first page Rokudenashi introduced a new original guy. A very tall, very built, black spiky haired, red eyed badass, complete with tattoos and cocky anti-hero attitude. He’s shirtless with a dark combat outfit, complete with wraps around the forearms and boots. He’s scruffy and has tribal tats working down his torso, and his name…. is Daigo.

Rokudenashi released 2 colored versions of this comic. In one, Daigo’s hair and eyes have been drained to total white, in the other, it’s his tattoos and skin that are whitened. I took at these two versions, and realized almost instantly: This isn’t two versions of one character, it’s one VERY specific character design that’s been split into two. 

I opened photoshop, placed the two designs over each other and with a layer mask, i put the red eyes and black hair from the second version back onto the first. This is what I got:

The resemblance of this character is painfully close to Drake. Yes, there are differences… Daigo trades in pointy ears for a scar across his nose. Both guys have pointy black hair, but Daigo’s is easily much longer and pointed down, while Drake’s points up, anime style.

So, fine. Maybe the characters look similar, maybe this is legitimately a fluke. Or worse, maybe I'm forcing myself to see something that isn't there.

But then…. why is the rest of the page itself nearly identical? Go through it, panel by panel…. They both start with 2 page-wide panels showing a stoney, destroyed scene. There is a frightened victim cowering on his knees, he’s looking of panel to an approaching menace. The menace is revealed fully in the center of the page, powerfully moving through the scene directly towards the reader. His fists are featured as his weapons, Daigo’s fist is bloodied, while Drake drags a guard with his through a similar scene of destruction. The next panel flips to an over-the-shoulder shot of the menace finally reaching his victim from the earlier panels. Daigo and Drake both pick him up by the head, leaving the action on a cliffhanger for the next page. It's literally the exact same number of panels achieving the exact same actions per panel, just with a couple of orientation tweaks.

Huge similarities like continue throughout the comic. The characters from powerplay that are not related to the sex stuff are gone, but the big visuals and turning points remain. I’ve put these pages beside each other the as little editing as possible so you can see what i see when i read this. 

 Daigo and Drake’s cocky recline. Look at the angles of how they sit, look at the wooden throne behind drake and how it lines up with the concrete behind Daigo. They two of them both motion to their dicks and mock their victim, telling them they'll settle the dispute with their dicks.

Following their fuckscene, both comics lead to this next event.  These pages seem different at first, but look again. They both accomplish the same plot turn in the exact same way. This is where the cocky badass gloats over his victim. Drake has left the demon king flipped upside down, facing the ceiling, covered in his own juices. Daigo has done the exact same thing to Zark. 

 Daigo and Drake both look down to admire their ruined victim and taunt him with more insults. Then, both of them are interrupted by some huge sound coming from behind them. We get a close up shot of their faces spinning around over the same shoulder, same close up of the eyes, even the same yellow question marks to show their surprise. An exaggerated text of ‘Shlurrrrrrp!’ and ‘Thooooom!’ catch the attention of either stud, pulling their focus away from their boys. 

Now, look at the paneling on the page that immediately follows these in either comic:

The two huge final boss characters of either comic  are introduced in panels that literally line up perfectly.. The action is mirrored so similarly, you can even make Thade and Daigo point at each across the comics. 

This is the power play twist in both comics. Zark gets super amped by Daigo’s jizz, telling Daigo he’s gonna ruin him with his own power. In Powerplay, Drake gets boosted up from dealing with a regular king up to the massive High King, Thade. Zark and Thade’s giant builds occupy almost half of the page to show their ‘big’ tattood boys what real size is. 

Here’s the blowjob sequence. It goes across 2 back to back pages. This is definitely chronologically different for plot. Drake fucked the king’s mouth earlier in his comic, in Zark 2, Zark is the one fucking Daigo’s mouth. Zark 2 panels follow a Japanese orientation, the heavy horizontal movement moves from from right to left. In Powerplay, the movement is from left to right. You see this a lot in fucking scenes in mangas, too. 

So, i flipped the page over. Look what happens:

 Each page has 5 panels which do almost the exact same action. The top and bottom panels are page width, with 3 denser scenes in the middle. I’ve put each panel directly over its other comic counterpart. 

The dramatic bj ends with the same, massive pose of the sucker’s entire body getting powerfully yanked and dragged, along with tons of dramatic speedlines everywhere. It’s the biggest scene on either page. There is also a FPOV shot of the dick popping out of either guy’s mouth. 

And here are your covers. Biceps flexed, hands around the hips...

So that’s about it. Maybe you don't agree with what i’m showing here. There's really only so many ways to  draw sex scenes, and a powerplay  theme that features the flipping of a tough guy from top to bottom is very common in comics.  This could totally be the case, and by putting together all these images, i'm just making an ass out of myself.

But this is what I see when I go through the two comics. i get this horrible feeling like i’m being ripped off, and I can’t shut it out. It feels like i’m seeing another artist take  Drake and rehash him, just slightly twisting his design. The artist takes him, re-labels him and makes him commit to whatever sex acts they want. 

The weirdest thing in all of this is that, when i read through Zark 2, I don't switch into indignant outrage or anything. i dont scream and tantrum that this comic is making me feel ripped off. No. no. no..... the worst, and weirdest part of this is… 

I think this work might literally the hottest comic i have ever read.

This first night i downloaded it, I fucking jerked my brains out to it. Watching big Daigo getting his ass blown out and  handed back to him by mega-Zark is insanely hot. I’m not really into inflation and fat bellies, but the power drawn into all these panels is really incredible. I wanked to this multiple times, i could not stop myself.

It was only then, after all that hormone flux finally died down. My heart turned into a blackhole, and i felt fucking horrible. This feeling seeped into me that i had just seen the powerplay comic i had burned myself out on get completed by someone else . With a character that really felt and looked like mine. i took the PDF, dragged it into the recycle and deleted it off my comp.  

I said nothing and posted nothing about this. I kept it all to myself and thought that with  enough time, i would move on from these feelings. Did it get better? No, of course not.  eventually, I did what any sane comic lover would do. 

I fucking bought the comic again on Gumroad!!! I jerked to it again, and then deleted it off my comp again!!!!!!!! I threw myself right back into the fire, because i needed to see Daigo getting ruined again. I am that nerdy.

I strung myself out so badly trying to convince and un-convince myself that the comic had been copied, that i ended up messaging Rokudenashi and asked him directly if he had referenced my comic. His answer was... No. He didn’t. 

I accepted his answer. I was relieved to hear it. Then, after a little bit of time passed, I started feeling strung out again. The answer didn't seem to hold. I went back to messaging, this time pointing out the similar character designs and scenes. He sent me a polite, sympathetic reply saying he understands my frustration, but that any resemblance is ‘unintentional’ and he shut the topic down. I frantically tried to spin all of this exchange into something positive, maybe collabing on some fun project together, but our messages petered out. I never heard from him again. 

I was left with these two characters, Daigo and Drake. Staring at them, looking at how I could achieve any version of them just by adding white to a particular feature.

or start with the other Daigo version...

I try to match what I see to what Rokudenashi has told me in his messages...

and that's all i feel.

I blocked him and unblocked him across the course of a few months, thinking doing so would somehow distance him from my art. That was how the story ended.

---------

It took me a long time to finally move away from all this. I found it very hard to draw Drake during that period. Every time i would try to put him in a more subby-extreme situation, i would flood back to that horrible place i was in after reading Rokudenashi’s comic. I couldn’t turn the bad feelings off, trying to pick up Powerplay again, or just putting Drake on the canvas would make me freak and revisit the hurt again.

It was only til earlier this year on Patreon where I just said fuck it and started applying myself to some new stories for Drake. I pushed my mind out of the Powerplay setting and started developing this new concept for Thade and Drake to get it on, something i missed getting to do in the other comic. 

That concept was Labrynthe. A huge sex dungeon with deep, descending levels. Each lower level is marked and introduces you to more hardcore, intense sexplay. The Labrynthe complex is owned by Thade. He brings Drake there with the intention to train the demon from cocky brute into wimpy sub. the stage is set for Drake in Labrynthe.

what happens a month or two after posting this....

Gozz in EML. A new comic by Rokudenashi. What is EML?  A multi-level sex prison for the rehabilitation of sex offenders. If features several descending levels, each growing in hardcore offerings, until you reach monsters and demons at its lowest level. …….and the big plot reveal is… 

It's all owned and run by Zark. He brings people here to re-train them, getting into the sex action right alongside them.  You can see Daigo resurfaces on this page, towering over everyone on the left.

...

Drake in pink lighting and panties... Labrynthe level 1 is emblazoned above him in a pink roman numeral. Next is Gozz... pink panties, EML level: Monster indicated at the top.

Drake descends to level 2, now in a slut costume and G string. Thade threatens to bring him even lower to have Drake fucked by his army.

here's Gozz.... and another level.

So……….. Yeah. I just..... don't know what to make of this. 

I don’t really even know what to say to everyone on Patreon. I finally started getting going again somewhere new… and then this happens. Once again, i’m forced to figure out whether this plot is imitated or not. I post a detailed outline of this setting, then moments later, this happens.

I don't know if I can do this anymore. I can’t figure out this cat and mouse game of what’s original and what isn’t. I will never get closure on my past gripes with this artist. He chooses to no longer communicate with me. now, i have this in front of me,and i have no choice but to deal with this frustration all over again. 

I’m shattered, guys. I’m losing my grip…. I can’t make heads or tails of this anymore. I’m trying to write this post as politely as possible, when my inside voice is screaming  ‘How the fuck can ALL of these things be a fluke?!!  Of course i'm getting copied!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Holy shit.... 

But WHY?! 

Rokudenashi is a massively talented artist! My work should have absolutely nothing to do with his!!!!  Zark 1 and Zark 3 were totally original, so why are these other comics freakishly identical?? How do i convince myself that this artist is not taking from my work, when my very starting point in meeting him was watching him go through my patreon page and replicate it nearly word for word!!! even now, you can open our pages beside each and read one sentence at a time from one, and find it's corresponding line on the other!!

I’m so SO sick of these thoughts.

And of course........ I read the EML comic, and of course… i hugely enjoyed it!!! As soon as I saw Daigo walk back onto the set alongside Zark, I found myself hoping he’d be forced down to level 5 and end up getting fucked by the huge demon!!!  I fucking I hate that i love seeing more of this artist's work and characters.I keep ending up re-visiting Rokudenashi’s page, hoping for more, i keep touching the fire over and over and burning myself every fucking time.

I have no desire to get into some ridiculous art feud. I dont want to see this blow up into a situation where one of us somehow gets the boot from Patreon. I don’t post this to try to tell people to pick a side, or delete a pledge, or do anything petty. I’m letting all of this out because i’m am finally reaching the point where i am completely and totally wrecked.

I’ve love drawing these kinds of comics. Probably too much. Drake is my favourite character, he’s become a piece of who I am. I’ve called myself strung out a number of times here, but i dont really feel it's right to say that…. I love my character. I put a lot of energy into my original work, much more than with fanart stuff. when i feel my stories start getting twisted, i end up getting deeply twisted, too.

This is me. hotcha the person, not meaningless pen name that shows up in your email when porn is posted. I make Drakes, Thades and elderdemons.

Right now, i am fried. I keep trying to draw my beloved character, Drake, and instead of excitement and creative fun,  i keep dragging myself down into a distorted world of pain and hurt. I've been scrambled really hard this year. I don't know where I'm going anymore. 

I think i need to teach myself to stop grinding at things i know i will never find a solution to.  I need to let myself take this hit and just lie down in the mud for a bit. I know, with time, i will be fine.

I’m gonna do something super melodramatic and tacky, and close this post with these lyrics from a song that finally pushed me to set all of this information, and lengthy Patreon experience, out into the open:

'

.....

Anything plain can be lovely,

Anything loved can be lost.

Maybe I lost my direction,

What if our love is the cost?

Anyone perfect must be lying,

Anything easy has its cost,

Anyone plain can be lovely,

Anyone loved can be lost.

What if I lost my direction?

What if I lost a sense of time?

What if I nursed this infection,

Maybe the worst is behind.

Maybe the worst is behind’