The Second Archon War, Carmen Dei 7 (Patreon)

It had been a long time since Alexandria had been nervous, and she found that she was having a hard time standing still. She ended up pacing back and forth in the office as Doctor Mother sipped her tea and pretended to work.

“Not so fast, Rebecca. You’ll burn a hole in my floor,” the older woman said absently.

Alexandria paused, then looked down, and realized she had been burning a literal hole in the carpet with how fast she’d been moving. She muttered under her breath and kept pacing, but at a normal human pace.

“Have some gum, Rebecca,” Doctor Mother said, pulling out a pack and proffering it to Rebecca.

She frowned but took a piece. “Does my breath smell that bad?”

“No, but you used to chew it to comfort yourself. You gave up the habit not long after you triggered, but I figured you could use it now,” the older woman said with a gentle smile.

Grimacing, Alexandria took a stick, then thought about and took a second stick, popping them both into her mouth and began masticating. It helped, a little. But Alexandria was soon back to pacing.

After what felt like an eternity, the door opened, and Contessa walked in, eyes down on a paper as she effortlessly navigated her way through the room, before taking a seat on a chair without once looking up.

“Well?” Alexandria demanded, coming to a stop. Even Doctor Mother looked up, setting down her pencil and resting her head in her hands.

“Hmm? Oh, yes. She’s Raiden, but not the one you met,” Contessa said, looking up from the paper she was holding.

“What do you mean? Is she a body double? A clone?” Alexandria demanded.

“Hmm.” Contessa frowned, her eyes losing focus. “A…Robot? Yes. My analysis and the other Thinkers agree. She’s an artificial humanoid creation of Raiden’s. A robot.”

“What do you mean by she is Raiden then,” Doctor Mother asked, pinching the bridge of her nose. “And try to remember, the rest of us in the room are not prescient.”

“Well, it seems she has most of Raiden’s memories and powers, though she is a bit easier for me to see on my Path. Also, turns out that Raiden is more of a title than anything else. I guess we should have known. ‘Lightning General’ does sound more like a job description than a name.”

“Then what IS her name?” Alexandria demanded.

“Which one?” Contessa asked. Alexandria glared at her, and Contessa shrugged. “Sorry, I mean, I know, but I do try to involve others in conversations. I’m told it’s irritating when I answer questions before they’re asked.”

“It is,” Alexandria agreed, and Doctor Mother grimaced and nodded. “But explain.”

“Well, I’m not really sure as to the original’s name. She’s still almost impossible to analyze for any Thinker. Even me. The best answer I got was ‘mom,’ but I think that’s just what Ami calls her. The other was ‘Thunder Thighs.’”

“I think we can safely dismiss both of those,” Doctor Mother said in a dry tone. “And the clone?”

“The Shogun, or perhaps, Onii-Chan? Maybe The Moon? It’s very vague. I even got Tsukuyomi but that seems a little silly.”

“What’s wrong with Tsukuyomi?” Alexandria asked, though she looked at Doctor Mother when she did so.

“I think…” Doctor Mother tapped a few keys on her keyboard, waited a moment, read something, then frowned. “It’s the name of a Japanese deity. Their moon god.”

“Oh, well, I guess the Moon and Tsukuyomi do make sense then,” Contessa said brightly. She sighed when Alexandria glared at her. “Or not. We could just ask her, you know. We haven’t tried that yet.”

“Because she’s a dangerous and unstable warlord,” Alexandria growled.

“Actually, about that,” Contessa held up a paper. “Do you know what this is? Oh, sorry. I was just trying to be rhetorical. Is that a phrase? Never mind. Anyway, this is a list of orders to the Imperial Residence. There’s a lot of take-out food, video games, and comics. Though they call them manga.”

“I know what Manga is. Taylor loves Lightning Princess Ami,” Alexandria said.

Contessa paused, then raised an eyebrow. “I think I’m supposed to say ‘Who’s Taylor?’ but I do already know who Miss Hebert is. Or I do now anyway.”

Alexandria tried to remind herself that just because Contessa was annoying sometimes, or all the time, didn’t mean they weren’t friends.

“You…you’re confirming that theory?” Doctor Mother asked, looking baffled.

“Mmhmm. Raiden’s staying home and playing hooky, and she appears to have sent out a robot duplicate so she could read…Hokuto no Ken? No, you don’t know that one? Uh…Fist of the North Star?”

Doctor Mother and Alexandria both stared at Contessa blankly.

“Oh, you know,” Contessa screwed up her face and pointed at them menacingly. “‘You are already dead.’ And then they explode.”

“I’ll put a team of researchers on it immediately,” Doctor Mother sighed.

“Should I ask Taylor?” Alexandria asked uncertainly. It was a bit troubling that her primary expert on this was a five-year-old girl.

Contessa blanched. “Uh, no, don’t do that. It’s not really meant for children. Or at least not little girls. She might like Dragon Ball though, Raiden really likes that one.”

Something dawned on Alexandria. “Contessa…are you reading comic books?”

Contessa blushed slightly. “Technically, they’re manga. Mostly on long flights. It started as research to get into Raiden’s head a little better, but…they’re really quite fascinating.”

“I guess…it’s good you found a hobby?” Alexandria said, feeling slightly baffled at this whole development. Then she shook her head. “So, what do we do? We need to find out more about this robot duplicate.”

“Well, like I said,” Contessa shrugged and smiled. “Why don’t we just ask her?”

Doctor Mother slowly nodded. “That might be for the best. Though…did you learn anything about her and Scion? Or what the Parasites she was referring to were?”

“You already know the answer to the second one, I think,” Contessa said, and Doctor Mother blanched and looked away. “As to the second…it’s really past time I had a conversation with her, don’t you think?”

“Not alone,” Alexandria said firmly. “I’ll be there as well.”

Contessa nodded and smiled. “Of course. I’ll see you in two days in DC at the Hilton. Oh, read some Dragonball. You’d like it, I think. And it would give you something to talk about.”

Alexandria opened her mouth, but Contessa interrupted her.

“Yes, I know, you won’t, but you really would like it, and wouldn’t it be nice to have a friendly conversation with Raiden? Or, the Shogun? Hmmm. We’ll have to ask her name.” Contessa then got up, and simply left.

Alexandria watched her go, then turned to see Doctor Mother massaging her forehead. “Does she ever…”

“Drive me batty? Only all the time. Thinkers tend to be like that,” Doctor Mother sighed. She pulled out another sheet of paper. “Something else to think about for you.”

Alexandria groaned, and pulled up a chair. “What else?”

“Nothing much. Just…here,” Doctor Mother passed over the paper, and Alexandria scanned it. Then she frowned, and went over it again, much more carefully.

“New cluster? Green totems? Wind powers?” Alexandria asked, looking up in shock. “But…how? Why?”

“We don’t know. A mutation on the electrical ones? Something else? It will require more research. But there have been three in the past week we know of. It’s a pattern. And we’re not sleeping on this one.”

Alexandria grunted and handed the paper back. “Very well. What’s our stance on the Heartbreaker situation?”

“A waste,” Doctor Mother sighed. “He could have been useful as a C53 if we’d got him first. But, well, speaking as a woman: good riddance to bad rubbish.”

“He got off more easily than he deserved. They’re finding hundreds of his puppets. Multiple suicides,” Alexandria said in disgust. She was personally of the opinion that this was the second time Raiden had done the world a favor. Or, well, it was at least a mark in the duplicate's favor. Letting one of the women he’d controlled execute him had been a nice touch.

She stood and picked up her helmet from where she’d set it earlier. “Back to work, I suppose. The Canadians can’t decide if they’re grateful or mad, and seem to have settled on apologizing to Raiden for the inconvenience.”

“Hmm yes. Do ask her about Scion at the meeting you set up. I do want to know why she behaves the way she does,” Doctor Mother said. “Or who told her what the real situation is.”

Alexandria nodded, then left. She shuddered, thinking back to her first meeting, then the second. There had been something off. She had said it was a hunch, but she hadn’t told the truth.

There was a…weight…to Raiden’s presence. Not a physical one, but a pressure on Alexandria’s soul. The duplicate didn’t have that same feel to her. What that meant…Alexandria didn’t think she wanted to know. But Wyatte would be unbearable when she told him.

Strolling through the city, Capri watched Venti more carefully than she did the passersby. Normally, her eyes would be sweeping the crowd for potential threats, but the glowing purple sphere in her pack gave her confidence that there wasn’t anyone aside from another cape or Vision Holder that could threaten her now. That probably wasn’t true, she wasn’t actually bullet or knife proof, but the huge ass sword she had hidden away in her Vision meant that anyone who attacked her with a knife had made their last mistake.

Berlin was much as she remembered it: the streets were kept clean and the buildings freshly painted, the people dour if polite and the homeless problem getting worse by the day. Cologne was still remembered in a few memorials or murals but was generally forgotten by the populace as the tired eyes of a middle-aged man hiding in the shadow of a building told her.

Venti’s reaction was interesting. He was no longer staring goggle-eyed at passing cars or someone talking on a cell phone, but he was certainly more observant than his chatting with Capri and Naomi would have indicated. He seemed…subdued. Sad. Capri wasn’t sure why; they weren’t in a part of the city where the neo-nazi graffiti or slogans would be tolerated.

Then she saw the large billboard with the symbol of the Land and Social Labor Reform Party on it, and hopeful-looking blond-haired and blue-eyed people looking off into the distance as the words hung above them: Keeping the land and people clean through hard work and unity.

It sounded nice, until you realized that they meant to do that by killing off people like Capri, and seizing land that they claimed was “properly German.” The same old song and dance.

She was so lost in her black mood and thoughts that she didn’t even notice the wall she ran into until she smacked into it face first. She stumbled back, then looked up, realizing that it was less a wall of bricks and more a pillar of muscle with rocks for brains.

“Hey! I didn’t think I’d see you guys here!” Itul said brightly, smiling down at Capri. “What’re you three doing in Berlin? Oh, wait, don’t tell me: Super secret Knight business, right?”

“Itul?” Naomi said, then smiled. “It’s good to see you! But, ah, maybe don’t shout about…that…to the world?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah, no, it’s cool, it’s cool, I can keep it on the DL, don’t worry. Your bro Itul ‘Keep a Secret Until his Dying Breath’ Armburst won’t be spillin’ these beans, don’t you worry! Just, uh, no actual beans. Allergies, you see.”

“Did you follow us?” Capri asked suspiciously, glancing around them. They were on a somewhat busy sidewalk in a commercial district, and people were going by them to either side, some of them glancing at the overly loud and boisterous giant who was grinning at her. “What are you doing here? I thought you were going to help Leon and Gunter out at the Ferret.”

“Oh yeah, I got gramp’s back! There just, uh…well, there’s like, a super secret mission here, ya know? Had to make a little trip,” Itul said in a whisper that probably only carried to the end of the block. If you were half deaf.

Looking around, Capri spied a small cafe, and grabbed Itul, pulling him inside and to a back table, with Venti and Naomi following. It was about lunch time anyway. “Keep your voice down,” she hushed Itul.

“Yeah, it’s cool, it’s cool, I got a cover story,” Itul whispered. “But I’m like, on a recruiting mission. My girlfriend is going to be in town, and I think I can get her to sign up and stuff.”

“You have a girlfriend?” Naomi asked, trying to hide her incredulity.

Itul looked offended. “Yeah bro! She’s from Japan, so you’ve probably never met her, but- hey! Don’t laugh, she’s real!”

Capri didn’t bother to hide her snigger, while Naomi had put her hands over her mouth. Venti was grinning as he examined the menu, clearly amused. “Oh, do tell, my dear oni. But why do you think this mysterious woman from another land would be a good fit for the Knights of Favonius?”

“Well, for one thing, she’s super hot!” Itul bragged, which had absolutely nothing to do with anything as far as Capri was concerned. “Hey! She is! Look, I got pictures and stuff.” He pulled out his phone, and showed off some grainy pictures of what was admittedly a very pretty Japanese woman. There was only one problem: she was in costume, and even Capri had a pretty good idea that she was a model of some sort.

“Oh, she’s Sara Tengan?” Naomi asked, putting a hand over her mouth again. “I’ve seen her on TV. She’s quite famous in the cosplay circuit.”

“Yeah! Yeah! So you’ve heard of her!” Itul said, warming to his theme. “We met a few years back before she got big at Otakon in America! That was before Raiden even showed up, back when Otakon was just a little gig for us real fans, you know? She was cosplaying as Twilight Suzaku, and I was Gene Starwind, so we made the perfect couple! We hit it off and we’ve been going out ever since.”

Capri rolled her eyes and glanced at Naomi, who winced slightly. “Ah, I see, Itul. You um, were talking about going out with Venti though…”

“Hey, I’m a big man, and she’s far away! I wouldn’t two-time her or anything, but you know, maybe I’d have to break her heart,” Itul said with a shrug. “Long distance is tough, you know? Anyway, she got powers a year or so ago, before I got mine, and I figured she’d make an awesome knight! She has this sick bow she calls Yumi-Chan from Raiden and everything.”

“Well, I’m afraid a Japanese national wouldn’t be a good fit for the Knights of Favonius. I don’t think we’ll be limited to just Germans, mind, but if she’s loyal to Raiden that would preclude her joining us,” Venti said, which made Itul deflate. “Not that I wouldn’t like to meet her! She could be an affiliate member, perhaps. Has she met Beezlebul personally?”

“Who?” Itul asked, frowning in confusion.

“Ah, sorry, Raiden,” Venti said, waving it off, but Capri frowned. That sounded important, like Venti was testing the waters again. That, and Naomi’s brow was furrowed in thought. She knew something, what it was Capri wasn’t certain.

“Oh, yeah, loads of times, she cosplays as Raiden and Raiden’s totally cool with it,” Itul said with a shrug. Capri couldn’t decide if he was just delusional or if this Sara Tengu was too. It was probably just Itul though.

“Well, you’ll have to introduce us then!” Venti said cheerily.

Itul snapped his fingers, his face lighting up in a grin. “Oh yeah! You guys are a band, right? They get bands to play at MEX! I know the organizer, she could hook you up! We go way back.”

“Sure you do,” Capri said, rolling her eyes.

“Yeah, let me just text Cookie and we’ll get a meeting,” Itul said enthusiastically, picking up a menu. “What’s for lunch, I’m starving!”

“You’re buying, right?” Venti said, batting his eyes.

“Uh…” Itul looked worried at that and double-checked the prices.

“Pay for yourself and I’ll pay for us, we still have some of the money Leon paid us,” Capri said, wincing. He’d given them pay for three days, so they owed him, but she hadn’t thought to return the money. Plus, they sort of needed it.

Capri ended up just having a sandwich and soda, Naomi a salad and seltzer, while Itul and Venit had three beers and a bratwurst with a load of chips. Despite his smaller frame, Venti proved more than capable of keeping up with the much larger man in the eating and drinking department.

After lunch, they took the bus with Itul to meet with ‘Cookie,’ who apparently was looking for a band for the Manga Expo in a few days. The event itself was three days long, and took place at a large convention center. That wasn’t where Itul led them though, instead to a large commercial complex with several shops, from clothing, to electronics, to bikes. The store Itul took them to in particular was a two-story affair with a large sign that read “FANTASTIC DAYS: COMICS, MANGA, TRADING CARDS, AND MORE.” The sign featured what Capri would call “nerd stuff” from video game and comic characters to a picture of Raiden Shogun herself, deformed and cute, like from that Lightning Princess show.

“Hey hey hey!” Itul said as soon as they entered the shop. “What’s up, Arataki Gang!”

“What up, bro!” a reedy-looking man behind the counter called, smiling and looking up from a comic book he’d been reading. “Though you jetted for the day!”

“Itul! My man!” a more rotund man said, coming over and performing an elaborate handshake with Itul. He leaned in close and whispered. “How’s the Red Oni doing?”

“Oh, you know, kicking names, taking ass,” Itul said proudly.

Capri stifled a groan and that, while Venti snorted. Naomi gave a pained and confused smile.

“These are my homies. They’re like, you know…” he dropped his voice to a whisper, “My sidekicks. On my cape team.”

“Oh shit! They’re the Knights of Favonius?!" The man bowed deeply, waving his hand in a weird manner that was probably supposed to be fancy. “You can call me Akira! Uh, my civilian name is Arnold. I’m like, Itul’s squire! We’re totally bros!”

Capri glared at Itul, and he managed to look abashed. “So, you’ve just been telling everyone?”

“Well, uh, I, you know, we didn’t say it was supposed to be a secret or nuthin’, and since I’m like, a founding member and stuff…I needed a network! So I recruited the Gang to help! They’re like, my bros. They totally wouldn’t betray me!”

“Does everyone in this building know you’re the Red Oni?” Capri demanded flatly.

“Um…probably not?” Itul looked desperately at Arnold, who shook his head.

“Nah, that’s a secret! We wouldn’t tell anyone, not even-”

“What are you idiots blathering about? Itul! What have I told you! Do not go bragging to everyone about you know what!”

Capri turned to see a woman with bright green hair and purple eyes striding towards them. She had on glasses and a professional-looking collared shirt with slacks, and a lanyard with a name tag on it that read “Guildmaster: Katherine ‘Cookie’ Schmidt.”

“Cookie!” Itul said brightly. He gestured broadly and declared, “This is the Band I told you about! The Tone Deaf Bards! They’re totally awesome!”

“Uh-huh,” Cookie said, looking Capri and the others up and down. Then she snapped her fingers at Arnold. “What am I paying you for? You’re supposed to be taking inventory! Back to work!”

“I was on break,” Arnold said defensively, but he was shuffling away.

“You’ll be on unemployment! We have to get the shop ready before the big rush during MEX! And I still have a million things to plan!” Cookie told him, then made a shooing motion. Arnold broke into a run, heading for the back. “Now get going! And Mark?”

“Y-yes ma’am?” the man behind the counter said, hastily hiding the comic book.

“You charged that to your employee credit, right? If you’re going to read on the clock you’d better pay for it.”

“Uh, yes! Doing that now, Cookie!” Mark agreed hastily, pulling the book back out and ringing it up on the register.

“Great.” Cookie sighed, taking her glasses off and rubbing her hand over her face. “Now I know why dad told me never to hire my friends…”

“Ah, don’t be like that, Bro!” Itul said, putting an arm around Cookie’s shoulders.

Cookie glared at him. She came up only to Itul’s shoulder, but he cringed at her iron gaze. “I’m not your ‘Bro’ when I’m at work, Itul! And what’s this about a band? I had to have all that scheduled weeks ago! Who are these people?”

“They’re uh-”

“Let me guess: friends of yours who need a paycheck,” Cookie sighed. She shook her head. “Look, I’ve got the entertainment booked already. You can try out later and I’ll put you on the backup list if you’re good. But I do need more hands to monitor traffic and stuff. Itul!”

“Uh, yes ma’am?”

“You’re drafted! You speak Japanese more or less, right?” Cookie demanded.

“Totally! Watashi wa Itul-san. Watashi wa nihongo jozu!”

Venti’s eyebrow’s rose again, and his lips quirked. Then he turned to Cookie and bowed deeply. “Kono hito wa kenkyo ni, jibun wa yūnōna hon'yaku-sha ni narudarou to mōshidete imasu. Watashi wa kono gengo ni tsuite tashō no chishiki ga aru node, yorokonde anata no torikumi o shien shitai to omoimasu.”

Capri probably shouldn’t have been surprised, but it was still a mild shock to hear Venti rattled that off in what sounded to her like perfect Japanese.

“Yeah, I, uh, I totally understood that,” Itul said, folding his arms over his chest and grinning. Cookie gave him a flat look. “Half. Half of that. You’re pretty nihongo jozu yourself, Venti!”

“I dabble, from time to time,” Venti drawled.

Cookie nodded, then motioned them towards the back. “Let’s talk in my office.”

They made their way through the store, which Capri noted was nearly immaculate in its cleanliness, with a well laid out floor plan. It was all full of “nerd shit” in Capri’s estimation, but the few customers were quiet and orderly and the walls were decorated with colorful murals with more comic and movie characters, a few of which Capri recognized, especially Mushu of both flavors.

“Hmm, you have trading card games?” Venti observed as they wove through isles with Pokemon and other card games that Capri didn’t recognize. “Do you sell Genius Invocation TCG?”

“Genius Invocation? Never heard of it,” Cookie said without turning around. “And If I haven’t heard of it, it’s not popular, especially not in Japan. We’ve got Pokemon, Magic the Gathering, and Duel Monsters, with some sports cards and a few niche ones like Transformers, Star Wars, and Dragonball.”

“Oh, a pity. I have my Casket of Tomes with me and haven’t had a game in ages,” Venti said mournfully.

“Hmm, a new product? Well if you’ve got a sample you can leave it with me and I’ll take a look after MEX,” Cookie told them, leading them through a door painted with Gandalf, Naomi had made Capri read Lord of the Rings, declaring “YOU SHALL NOT PASS (except for Employees)”.

Unlike the well organized front, the back was a chaotic mess, with piles of merchandise  scattered about, half finished pallets, and corner that was full of painting supplies and half finished projects. Arnold was digging through a pile of action figures from various brands and scribbling something on a clipboard. He looked up and smiled when he saw Itul, then paled and hastily got back to work when he caught sight of Cookie.

They were taken to an office in the back that said “THE COOKIE MONSTER’S LAIR” with  a crude but creative depiction of Cookie breathing fire on four frightened individuals that Capri could recognize as Itul, Arnold, Mark, and a red-haired woman they hadn’t met yet, as all ran desperately away from her. The room itself was also a chaotic mess, with papers stacked on the desk, a pile of clothes and costumes on one side, and a microwave with a pile of instant noodles and other ready to eat meals atop a small fridge.

As soon as they stepped into the office, Cookie took off her glasses, untucked her shirt, and sat down in a creaky office chair with a sigh. “OK, I can already tell. You’re Itul’s new cape friends, aren’t you?”

Capri and Naomi both turned malevolent glares on Itul, who rubbed the back of his head abashedly, while Venti chuckled. “Ehe! I suppose you could say that…”

“Well at least he didn’t get killed when he went back to his hometown,” Cookie sighed. She pried open the fridge and pulled out a can of beer, which she cracked and took a long pull from. She pulled more cans out and tossed them around, with Venti giving her a grateful salute. “Sit down, I guess we should talk.”

“Aw, come on Cookie, you can trust them! They’re totally awesome!” Itul said eagerly. “I told you, I was gonna be an awesome cape! I even fought Stuka and totally stomped her and her goons!”

“Stuka. You, a Brute, who’s powers are, as far as I can tell, fueled by sheer himbo energy, took out Stuka, who’s kit is so perfectly designed to counter yours that you’d probably have a better chance fighting freaking Legend or Alexandria than Stuka. That Stuka.” Cookie’s tone was flat, and she took a long pull of her beer after, then glared at Itul.

“Uh, well, you see…Venti helped! Yeah! And, well, Capri and Naomi don’t have powers but they’re super great and playing-”

On an impulse, Capri stretched out her hand to the side, calling forth her weapon as Venti had shown her. To her satisfaction, Skyward Pride fell right into her hand, and she let it down on the carpeted floor with a satisfying thunk. Naomi mimicked her, pulling her much smaller blade out and flourishing it.

“-uh, playing up their new secret powers! That’s sick, when did you learn to summon weapons!?” Itul asked eagerly.

“Yesturday,” Naomi admitted. “We, um, we triggered…or…no…we got our Visions right after we left you.”

Cookie eyed all three of them with a look of disgust, especially Capri, for reasons that she could probably guess. There was that old saying: Europeans weren’t racist, until you mentioned Romani.

“You didn’t have to scuff my carpet, you know,” Cookie grumbled.

Capri blushed, and looked down to see she had indeed cut a chunk out of the floor. She hastily dismissed her sword. “Oh, uh, shit. Sorry.” Ok, maybe Cookie wasn’t racist, Capri was just a moron.

…Itul’s idiocy wasn’t contagious, right?

“It’s fine, this big idiot has done worse, and I imagine you managed to keep him alive when he ran off after I turned him down,” Cookie said with a long sigh, leaning back in her chair. “I was worried about you, you big lug.”

“Ah, it’s OK, bro! You’re ready to come out of retirement now, right!? We could totally be partners!” Itul said eagerly.

“No. I have a job, and a life. The last thing I need is to pick up that damn paperweight again and nearly get myself killed a second time. Besides, I’m busy with MEX,” Cookie said dismissively. “Now, about you, Braids. What’s your name?”

“I’m Venti, and this is Capri and Naomi. We’re the Tone Deaf Bards! But also, members of the Knights of Favonius! We’ve already recruited your friend the Red Oni, but we’re looking for individuals who wish to spread freedom and justice across the land!” Venti said, pulling out his harp and strumming a dramatic tune.

“What I want is to spread profits so me and my employees don’t starve to death. I’ve tried it, it sucks,” Cookie stated, then let out a blech and took another pull of her beer. “So, you’re, what do you call it? Nihongu jozu? Well that’s good. Because let me tell you: I have landed the guests of the freaking CENTURY.”

“Yeah, Sara says she’s coming!” Itul said excitedly.

“Oh, you saw my advertisements? Well, wait until you hear THIS.” Cookie pulled out a paper from within the stack, somehow knowing exactly what to look for despite the apparent chaos. “You know how Raiden’s doing her World Tour? Meeting with all the leaders and stuff? Well, she’s going to be in Berlin during MEX. Flies in on Friday right before we start.”

Itul’s eyes went wide. “No way! You’re going to have THE Mommy Thunder Thighs?!”

Venti let out a snort and then started coughing, as apparently his beer had gone up his nose. Cookie apparently didn’t notice, and Capri noted that the other woman’s eyes flashed. Normally, that was just an expression, but this time, she felt a spark and stir of energy that showed itself in Cookie’s pupils.

“Maybe. But you know I AM going to have? Someone arguably even better?” She turned the paper around, showing the familiar image of a young girl with a pet dragon and lightning sword.

“LIVE: THE INAZUMA NO HIMEI HERSELF, LIGHTNING PRINCESS AMI! ONLY AT MEX! 19-21ST OCTOBER!”

Itul stood up, knocking over his chair. “Holy shit, are you serious?!”

Cookie nodded, looking smug. “She called me, actually. Apparently, she’s coming with her mom. I need a translator because her German is nonexistent and her English isn’t very good either. She has her own personal translator, someone named Clara, but I want my own on staff to interface with the VIPs.”

“I can speak German and English,” Venti offered. He frowned. “Which language is English again?”

Cookie stared at him flatly. “<You’re fucking with me, right? I can tell if you can speak English, I went to Oxford. I have a master’s degree, moron.>”

“<Oh, this language? Hmm, I haven’t really spoken it in a while, but how’s my accent?>” Venti asked innocently.

“American, but that’s fine,” Cookie said with a shrug. “I’m mostly worried about the Japanese. Any other languages you’re good with? We mostly get German speakers but there’s plenty of people with other languages and it can make communicating confusing.”

“All of them?” Venti said with a shrug. “Last I checked, anyway.”

“You’re funny, but at least you’re cute.” Cookie turned to Capri and Naomi. “I’ll be straight with you: I don’t want cape trouble, but it wouldn’t hurt to have a couple of other capes on staff in case there IS cape trouble. I’ll give you 1.5x the standard rate for staff. You’re both hot, so you can be booth bunnies. How do you feel about cosplay?”

“She was in theater,” Capri said, pointing to Naomi. “I don’t do dress up.”

“Oh, come on Capri, some of those costumes look cute!” Naomi burbled. She batted her eyes. “Besides, I’d love to see you in a sexy outfit.”

Capri blushed, but sighed. “Fine. I’m just not cosplaying as something tacky.”

“Hmm. We’ll find something. You’re a band too? How good are they, Itul? Never mind, you listen to that idol crap.”

“Hey!” Itul protested, but Cookie had already moved on.

“I can probably use you at some point for that, I’ll pay a fair rate, don’t worry. Right, I’ve got contracts around here somewhere. Just don’t bring any cape bullshit to MEX. That goes double for you, knucklehead.”

Itul looked wounded, but they shortly had a contract for not half bad pay, and Capri walked out of Fantastic Days feeling much better about life than she had going in.

“I think Cookie’s a cape,” she told the others once they were back at the van, which was parked in a vacant lot on the edge of the city. “I could feel… I guess it’s Electro? Coming off of her.”

“Her Vision was in her desk,” Venti confirmed. “I smell a story there! But I’m more interested in Raiden potentially being here. I’d like to have a talk with her, see what she knows.”

“Why did you call her Beezlebub?” Naomi asked curiously. “Is it the same as you being Barbatos?”

“Beezlebul, actually, but yes. That’s her divine name. Raiden’s just a title, much like I’m the Poet Laureate of Mondstadt,” Venti agreed.

“Cool, but I take it we’re not just kicking it until Thursday when we help set up,” Capri said. “What’s the plan?”

“Well, I want to learn more about our enemies. Turns out, there’s a lab here! I’ve been listening in all day, and the Gesellschaft have some interesting things to say about it,” Venti said. Then he pulled out three domino masks and three sets of spandex. “How do you feel about becoming burglars?”

Capri grinned and rubbed her hands, small sparks flying off as she did so. “Just fine and dandy. When do we start?”