Esmie the Calamity Chapter 22 (Patreon)

** Y'all are not ready for this chapter. Esmie continues to lead me in wild and uncharted directions. I have never written something like this xD. **

My share ended up being almost two hundred silver alves, which I took in the silver coinage rather than the one and a half gold rosles that the thief originally offered. It was easier to spend that way, and something about being given half a gold coin was… it felt wrong. I mean, cutting coinage up was apparently pretty normal, but it seemed like a defilement of the pretty yellow metal coins.

I took the money back to the house immediately and dumped most of it on Lynlyn’s bed. She could deal with it when she got back from the quest that her and Iria were doing today. It involved combat or something and that just wasn’t my forte apparently. Maybe I could dip my toes back into it when my friends were more skilled and higher level. Then they could carry me while I blundered around like a dumbass.

I spent a bit of time mixing some more potions for the thief, since he’d given my other ones to the wider group and they wanted more. Turns out that all they had was really fast acting and good quality potions, the type you’d use on a big wound. Mine were good for the opposite, dealing with bruises, scrapes, and any number of other small ailments that didn’t warrant the use of a proper healing potion.

As the afternoon skipped its merry way towards evening, I remembered that I hadn’t even accomplished the goal I’d set out to achieve that morning. Drat. I guess I’d just have to go and buy the stuff I needed tomorrow.

Until then… maybe I’d go back to the thieves’ tavern. Assuming my new friends were still there. We’d all added each other as contacts in the game, and I could see they were still online, but… well I hoped, but I was ready to find them gone.

Thankfully, Sandy was still there, drinking at one of the front tables in the corner and watching something on a VR window.

"Sandy!" I said, bouncing up to him. "Can I join you?"

He smiled up at me in surprise. "Esmie! Yeah, sit down. Things are going to get busy in here soon, and I'm on conflict resolution duty."

"What does that mean?" I asked, watching the easy way he leaned on the table.

His blonde hair was long, for a boy at least, almost covering his ears. His face was more pretty than handsome, and that trend continued through the rest of his body. It was a little confusing to me, the subtle overlay of femininity onto an otherwise thin, compact, but nevertheless masculine form.

"I'm on bouncer duty, basically," he shrugged, giving me a twinkling, sly smile. "It means I get to yeet annoying dudes out the door who think that because I'm small they can take me. Us elves pack a lot of strength into these small bodies."

"Oh, that sounds entertaining," I grinned, matching the mischief dancing in his blue eyes. Something occurred to me then, and I hastily blurted, "Wait… you are a guy, right? I'm sort of confused, sorry…"

He laughed, throwing back his head and trilling like a songbird. "Yeah, I'm a dude. I get that a lot, though, don't worry. I went for a bit of a femboy aesthetic, and it's been fun. A lot of guys in CORA who make my character choice extra worth it, if you know what I mean…"

My mouth fell open, and I stared in embarrassed delight. The idea of this tiny dude getting railed by a big manly man was kinda hot… oh wait, what if it was reversed? How did that work? Gosh, I had so many questions!

"A few girls, too," he continued, fluttering his long eyelashes at me in mock seduction. "Not nearly as many, though, sadly."

"I'm sure if I have a few drinks, we can fix that," I giggled, fluttering my eyes right back at him.

Watching his mouth form into an ‘O’ of surprise was only marginally more funny than the fact my own expression of surprise matched it. Where in the hell had that come from?

My face went red, but my grin returned, all squishy with the previous mischief. "Dang, yeah nah, that was like, not what I expected to come out of my mouth when I spoke, ay?"

He blinked, tilting his head in amused confusion. "Sorry, um… your accent, it just got really thick and I was already having trouble with it…"

"My bad," I laughed, and carefully schooled my speech. "I was saying that I didn't expect that to come out of my mouth. I don't have any experience with guys… or really any experience at all, to be honest."

"Huh, I wasn't expecting that," he said, considering me thoughtfully now. "I'll keep it in mind…"

I smiled and began to think of a reply, but a loud thump over near the door caught my attention. Three adventurers stumbled into the tavern, and Sandy's eyes lit up with a wild, almost predatory glint in his eye. "Want to make some money?"

What followed was an almost artful dance of acting, sleight of hand, and manipulation. Sandy produced a set of playing cards and quickly set up the appearance of an in-progress game of poker. He placed a few coins on the table and began pretending to teach me.

I was familiar with the game, but I played along, wondering what his play was here. It soon became evident when the three men, all players, noticed us playing and wandered over.

Over the next few hours, as the tavern filled up and Sandy bought me drinks, I was the bait in his trap. We fleeced the poor buggers while they thought they were grazing peacefully in a lush paddock. It was honestly inspiring, watching Sandy work his confidence game. I needed to ask him for lessons or something, holy moly.

Not that I caught much this time around. Between his silent direct messaged instructions and his distractingly nimble fingers, I couldn't have hoped to pick anything up.

“Wow, what a take,” he grinned, back in one of the booths in the den. “That was fun! You’re very good at your job, you know?”

“I am?” I asked, then puffed out my chest and nodded proudly. “I mean, I am!”

“Oh god, you’re so cute!” he exclaimed, flopping sideways to lean against the wall as he stared at me. His smile went all lopsided, and he quietly asked, “You had enough to drink yet?”

Heat rose to my cheeks, and I pushed my almost empty tankard around on the table. “I’ve got to be honest with you… I’m curious, so it’s a uh… a yes. I just, I’ve never kissed a guy before, and I’ve only kissed a girl once. I uh, I’m also a dude… like, outside the game.”

His eyebrows shot up, but his smile didn’t falter. “That’s not a problem for me, but it’s thoughtful of you to clue me in. I know some other guys would be awful about it.”

“Not going to ask me about the dysphoria?” I giggled, watching him get up to join me on my side of the booth.

“Nah,” he said, smiling ruefully. “Contrary to what a lot of people say, some people just don’t feel it. It depends how rigid your gender identity is.”

“Oh,” I murmured, feeling strangely shy now that he was close. My heart was hammering wildly against my ribcage, and my leg was bouncing like crazy.

“I was sort of just planning to have some fun and make out with a pretty girl, but this seems like it’s actually important to you, so I’ll let you explore and set the pace, okay?” he said, giving me a sweet, wholesome look.

“God, you’re really chill,” I blushed, happy to have made such a good friend. Yes, apparently I liked to kiss my friends.

“Mhm?” he chuckled, slipping an arm around my waist. Oh god, I was so nervous, and he was so pretty. Was it even kissing a boy when he looked like that? I guess it still was, he called himself a boy, after all. Plus, his jawline was… sharp, nice, I don’t know. It was really hard to—

He leaned in and kissed me, slowly, softly, gently. A quiver ran through my body, and instinctively I placed a hand on his chest. It was a lot like Iria’s muscles, actually, but without the boob. A little disappointing, really. I liked boobs, they were nice and squishy.

Deepening the kiss a little, I explored the flavour and texture of his lips with my own, marveling at how soft they were. He let out a quiet, high moan, and I laughed against his lips. My tongue peeked out and brushed his lips, then his teeth, tentative and curious. The tongue thing made him shudder, and to my surprise, I felt warmth blossom in my stomach. Oh. Okay. Okay.

Before I could process what that meant, I was pressing him back against the seat so I could straddle his lap. My hands drifted downwards, finding his hips, which were actually fairly wide, and more importantly, squishy. I could definitely work with that.

His hands got more exploratory, stroking up and down my spine, worshipping its feminine curve. Oh god, oh god, that felt good. That felt really good.

They moved to my thighs next, kneading them like dough. A growl bubbled up out of my throat, surprising us both, but before I could increase the heat, the curtain shifted.

We broke apart and turned to see Shiori standing there, staring in surprise at the two of us.

"Uhm… I… they said you were in here… sorry…" she squeaked, blushing a furious red. "I can uh… leave, if you want. I didn't realize… wow. Hot. Sorry, that's really weird of me to say, it's just…I i mean, who hot, pretty people making out, it's a lot, and they're both my friends? At least, Sandy is, and I know what he tastes like, which means my tummy is all warm, and then Esmie's thighs are like, literally heaven on earth—"

Sandy and I shared a quick glance, a conspiratorial one, then lunged for her at the same time. Her embarrassment melted into a startled laugh. "Oh! Yes, okay! This is good."

God damn, she was so fucking cute. All rambly and blushy...

My lips were on hers before she could even get sat down properly. She gasped, hands darting up to tangle in my hair, and all of a sudden I was on my back.

Oh gosh, pretty girl on top of me! A pretty girl with… wait, huh?

I pulled back in surprise and watched her shining green eyes cloud over with worry. "I… yes… it's…"

Sandy, who I was still half laying on top of, pushed an affectionate hand up under her shirt. I could see him dancing his fingertips over her spine in exactly the same way he'd just done to me. I liked that.

"What she means," the calm, feminine boy said, pulling the shirt up so he could kiss the small of her back. "Is that she has a dick."

Suddenly, anticipation and arousal exploded like a little firecracker in my stomach. "She does?" I asked, and glanced a question at the girl. "You do?"

She nodded, trying to read my expression. "Uh, yeah…"

"I mean, I was making out with him, so uh… yeah. That sounds… fun," I said, a grin spreading over cheeks that were beginning to match hers in colour.

"Don't mind?" She asked, smile returning to her face.

"Oh, um, I'm not going to assume anything will happen but…" I mumbled, embarrassed now. "You know, it's… yes? It's yes."

"Good," she said softly in relief, and dove back down for my lips. Out of the corner of my eye, I watched her hand slip into Sandy's pants. Oh gosh. Oh dear. Yes.