Esmie the Calamity Chapter 16 (Patreon)

Iria’s PoV

Before I was finished with character creation, I asked Ruth for her thoughts on the character. She was extremely happy with my work, saying that I would be a good counterpoint to Esmie’s cuteness and Lynna’s pretty face. I guess that meant I was still rather far into the hot end of the spectrum.

With that done, I made sure to pick the closest spawn to where the other two were. Of course, there was a degree of luck with the spawns, so I’d have to let them know where I was. They were planning to come and find me, which was nice.

Materialising within the game, I immediately began to take stock of my situation. There was a bastard sword in my hand, old and rusty, but functional. A weight at my hip told me I also had a weapon there, and a glance told me— hips. It told me hips. Dear god. I bit my lip and glanced skyward, battling against an internal foe that felt… strange. Best put the sword away before I hurt myself.

I was wearing skin tight leather breeches that were so soft they may as well have been tights, and they hid absolutely nothing. The shape of my hips, thighs, shins… it was all on display, and it was incredible. God, that was me down there. Me! I was a hot, strong woman! It was unreal.

The weight I had felt was far more familiar at least. A parry dagger on one side and my scabbard on the other.

Further up, I wore a cut-off leather jacket that hung open at the front to reveal my… uh, chest, which was held in check by the world’s bravest medieval sports bra. Telling myself that yes, I was definitely testing my range of movement, I bounced up and down while I stared at them. There actually wasn’t as much bounce as I had been expecting. I guess I’d played too many anime-style mmos in my youth.

That didn’t stop the whole arrangement from moving at all, and I once again found myself with cheeks reddening over this body I now inhabited. Weirdly, I also had a smile on my face. This wasn’t nearly as bad as everyone had said it would be. In fact, it was actually kind of fun? Sort of? It was hard to tell under all the embarrassment, to be honest.

I mean, my stomach, waist, and abs were on full display right now. It was a lot to take in, and I wasn’t even getting the full effect, considering I was looking from the inside out. I wondered what your bog-standard straight guy would think if he saw me? Cue that strange tube sound that always means someone got a stiffy. It was like, beeaaaeooooo, or something.

The silly sound had me chuckling, and for some reason the sound of my own amusement in this new voice turned it into a full laugh. I sounded… fun? My laugh was great, rich and melodic, and not at all grating on the ears. The randomiser had done well with it. I was happy.

Okay, so I had established that I didn’t mind being in this body. Next step, see if I could actually move with any degree of grace.

I had spawned into the ubiquitous redwood forest of the region, the trees towering over me in every direction. Even down, I imagined. I wasn’t an expert on trees, but these things had to have some pretty fuck-off big roots.

My first few steps were tentative, and right away I noticed the difference. Holy shit, the way my hips rolled with each stride, it was a lot to take in. Step, roll, step, roll, step, roll. My heart was hammering away in my chest at a mile a minute as I just experienced my new body.

After what must have been five minutes, I dared to try a jog. Surprisingly, it felt pretty good to jog around like this too. Every movement was more fluid than my male body, but for some reason the difference wasn’t throwing me off. The body felt and moved naturally under my direction. Weird.

I kicked it up to a run, then drew my sword and spun in a low circle, decapitating a poor unsuspecting bush. It flopped to the ground limp, and again I found myself giggling. God, this was all soooo very strange. I was having fun though, which was an unexpected bonus. This job was going to be a lot more tolerable than I had thought.

Speaking of my job, I opened my menus and sent off twin friend requests to the other two. In moments, I was in their party and they were typing away with an excitement I could feel even through text.

We agreed to follow the party sense towards each other, because unfortunately I didn’t have any landmarks to judge my position. So that was it, just follow the strange tugging sensation whenever I thought of them.

Since I’d connected better with Esmie, I followed her signal as I made my way through the trees. She was such an interesting character. Cute and playful, but with a mischievous streak a mile high. Ruth had mentioned that she and I shared the same problem, which I assumed to mean we were both male outside of VR. That was a bit odd, considering that during the meeting, she had been by far the most feminine person in the room. Her mannerisms just screamed cute girl. Made me wonder what her story was.

Any thoughts of my new coworkers was axed by the hair on the back of my neck standing up. My long, pointed elf ears had picked up something… from the left!

Bending like a tree that had been struck by a sudden gale, I dodged a crossbow bolt by a hair’s breadth. Gaze hardening, I sought out my attackers. They appeared to be some sort of humanoid rat species, and they moved deftly through the trees in a way that made it hard to determine how many there were.

Still, my first priority was to deal with the ones that had crossbows. I didn’t need to know how many there were, other than that they outnumbered me.

With a mental command, I activated my first ability and lunged forward through the air. It was a simple dash, but I was surprised to see a multitude of flower petals spinning in the rush of air caused by my movement.

My sword embedded itself in the neck of the first crossbow rat, and I gave it a vicious twist as I pulled it free. I probably should have realised what the SWAT team would be like when they'd been teaching me how to do as much damage with a strike as possible.

Another ratman rushed me from beyond my peripheral vision, this one swinging an axe as it screamed incomprehensible rage. A swift, flowing movement to the side pulled me from the path of its stone weapon, while simultaneously burying the point of my dagger into its chest.

It was then that I really noticed my reaction times. They were inhuman, and that was a literal description. Out in reality, my reactions had been above average, but nothing to sing about. It had been my quick thinking that was my strong suit. Being able to quickly determine what to do in any given situation was my real strength. Now though? It appeared that this body synergized incredibly well with my brain, on top of it just being faster than my male one.

I didn't have time to stop and ponder why any of that was the case, though, because more smelly, screaming ratmen were converging on me.

The next one went down in a spray of dark blood as I caught its throat with a lunging slash, before I twirled out of the way of another crossbow bolt. The bolt, humming with a desperate need for death, found its home in the flesh of a ratman, who fell screaming to the ground. I drove the bolt further home with a vicious stomp of my boot, nailing it to the forest floor.

My carpenter’s antics kept me from being able to dodge the next incoming blow, a large mace swung by a larger ratman. Praying that my second ability did what it said on the tin, I raised my sword and activated it at exactly the right moment.

For less than a second, a shield made of wispy white energy and fluttering pink flower petals manifested along my blade. The wild incoming blow struck it, forcing me backward. At the end of its brief life, the shield transferred its energy into my blade, which struck out of its own accord. Razor sharp petals of energy whipped forward, slashing the larger ratman in a dozen different places and sending blood spraying out in a fan of gore.

The effect of the ability was the first thing to really surprise me in this fight. Holy moly. That was going to be a staple, for sure. Although, I wondered what might have happened if the shield had instead shattered under the strain. Would the attack have backfired on me? I’d have to test that later.

For now, I needed to end the rest of these gross rats. If they’d been cute rats like the ones you can get as pets, I might have tried to reason with them, but nah, these were pretty rank looking rats. Was that shallow? Yes, but also…

Another two fell to my blade without much effort, and then I was down to the last sneaky little shit with a crossbow. It tried to come at me with a dagger, but I swept its feet out from under it and then impaled it in one abrupt movement.

Phew, what a fight! I hadn’t been expecting to run into a whole band of angry little bastards so early. It was nice to know I could still hold my own like that, even if I wasn’t well versed in swordplay yet. I’d have to remedy that, because not every enemy would leave their guard wide open like these fools had.

“Wow…” I spun on the spot, sword arm twitching but not lashing out. I’d recognised Esmie’s voice a microsecond after my instincts kicked in. Thank fuck, otherwise I’d probably have rushed her.

“Oh, you two are here,” I said, smiling at the both of them as they stood staring at me.

Lynna developed a wry smile, and she glanced around at all the bodies. “Damn, Ruth wasn’t kidding. You know your shit.”

“Ha, yeah,” I chuckled, wiping my blade off on a leaf. “I’m a little rusty, so I’m going to need to do some training, but this lot weren’t exactly difficult.”

Lynna nodded, then gestured around at the rats. “Should we loot them and head back to town?”

“Sure thing,” I agreed, my eyes straying to look at the still silent Esmie.

She was still staring at me, her cheeks faintly red, eyes wide with… what, fright? What on earth was that expression?

“You okay?” I asked, giving her my best calming smile.