BCC 25-32: PSD (Patreon)

So the other day I got Horizon: Zero Dawn from Gamefly, and the copy I got had some kind of problem and crashed after playing for I think half an hour (I wasn't timing myself or anything). But that first half hour was lame enough that I've totally lost interest in the game, and I just kind of want to discuss why, since it's just been weighing on my mind for a bit.

Before that, though, I just wanted to mention how terrible the name "Horizon: Zero Dawn" is. I don't know if the title has significance that pays off later in the game, but it's just so generic. It's basically a game title made from the subtitles normally reserved for mediocre sequels in long-running franchises.

Anyway, the start of this game is not good. The game starts with a long, slow sequence watching an old man carry the main character (as an infant) up a hill. At the start of the sequence I remember thinking, "Wow, this is going to be an annoying sequence... I know my controls are going to be hampered because I'm carrying this stupid baby". But it's actually not even a controlled sequence... it's probably only 3 minutes long, but in my head it felt like 10 minutes of just watching an old man climb a mountain while giving exposition to a baby and the credits appear. The visuals were nice, but I just didn't care. I wanted to get to the game part of the game, and I felt like all the exposition he was giving could have just been gradually revealed later in the game, since it's not like the premise was particularly complex. I was just glad for it to be over, since I could start up a new file and get the game going. Or at least, I thought I was glad...

One thing that can instantly make me resent a player character is for the game to force me to play with them as a useless child with no abilities. Especially if all it does is put you in a linear mission with no challenges or dangers, which is of course exactly what HZD does. This was another sequence that was probably like... 2 or 3 minutes long? I don't know... it felt like 15, though, and all that really got established was that the game is set in some kind of distant post-apocalyptic future (which was established in a single shot from the opening sequence when you see some future-tanks overgrown with plant-life) and establishes that the main character is an outcast shunned by the other members of her village (which was one of the facts that Old Man Exposition stated, again, in the opening). So we end up with a long, slow sequence where you play a shitty version of the main character having information you've already been fed given to you again.

Once that sequence was finished I thought I was finally getting to the game part of the game, since there was a fade to black and everything. But we go back to once again playing as shitty child version of the main character, only now I have to listen to Old Man Exposition walk slowly up a hill while he walks me through the tutorial. Which, to a certain degree, I understand the logic behind... the game seems to have a decent number of gameplay systems for the character to learn, and having you play as a literal child is a decent enough excuse to have another character explain them to you... but it's just not fun.

The game teaches you about how to hide from robot dinosaurs which, eh... maybe it's just me, but that didn't make me excited for the game. Like... I'm sure it has potential for some good gameplay elements, but in my head all I could think was "crap, there are going to be some really slow sequences in this game where I have to sit in the grass like a jackass waiting for something to walk past me". But that's just my own preferences... I don't really like when games have forced stealth elements especially when it's a game that's not primarily about stealth. But anyway, once that was done there was more following Old Man Exposition who I was starting to think probably had knee problems or something because he's walking so damn slow... so I'm running ahead and doing other shit because I'm just bored, only for him to finally reveal what the run button is, then when I caught up to him he yells at me for being too slow. So that's not really something that would upset me too much, but after such a long, slow opening it felt like a real insult to have the game treat me like I'm the one who needs to speed up.

So I don't know how far into the game I am at this point... Probably around 25 minutes, but honestly it felt like I've been sitting there for at least an hour just waiting for something exciting or interesting to happen. And this is when I learn that I need to collect rocks, so that I can throw them to distract enemies. And this might be just my personal taste again, but when I heard that my first thought wasn't, "wow, what a fun new tool I'll be given to face future challenges in this game," but rather, "Oh no, this is another stupid resource I'm going to have to manage to do something boring". Like, I know that I'm already going to be given a bow and arrow later in this game, so what do the rocks do that I can't just do with that? Either way, finally, what feels like 90 minutes in, something exciting finally happens: I get to kill a robot dinosaur! Or rather... I get to throw a rock to distract a robot dinosaur while Old Man Exposition sneaks up and stabs it in the throat. The one cool thing I've been able to watch this entire time, and all I contributed was throwing a pebble.

At this point I'm told how to harvest resources from the dead robot dinosaur... and I get to use them to make arrows! Also, my character I guess had a bow this whole time, because she pulls one out of wherever video game characters store weapons that aren't in use. And juuuust as I'm about to finally learn how to kill robot dinosaurs with a bow and arrow... the game crashes. And nothing was saved, so I can't pick up from the last checkpoint or anything. And as I've mentioned, realistically 30 minutes have past, but it felt like 2 hours, and I wasn't about to sit through all that boring shit a second time, so I sent the game back to gamefly.

The start of a game is really important, and as I've mentioned before, it's very important for me to get to the game part of the game. And although I appreciate that everything I played might have helped the story, functionally it was all 100% pointless. I could have just as easily learned any of the important information shared with me during that sequence during actual gameplay. If I needed to be taught about stealth and throwing rocks, I could either just have that information conveyed through pop ups, or maybe my character could be teaching someone else to do these things. I'm willing to bet that Old Man Exposition dies, since the only thing this opening 4 hours (or however long it is) manages to establish is that he's a super nice guy, which I'm guessing they need to establish as much as possible since he doesn't stay alive very long.