The Bloody Traveled Road 1 (Patreon)

The Bloody Traveled Road - or ‘I was turned, I bleed, now let me rest!’ (Adventure Time, Vampire!SI)

Three Centuries Ago…

Many stories start in happier tones but… this starts at the end of one of the most difficult adventures I had been part of.

To put it blunt, I haven’t been a human for… a while. A long while actually. And though I could make a case on how much ‘Human’ I was deep inside, the biological and spiritual truths were both quite firm in the camp of me being a vampire.

How it started? A botched attempt at my survival damning my soul. Or maybe, I should go even deeper… I woke up after a big war. Humanity got the shank for some reasons, people went nuclear, both literally and magically, and then vampires and other monsters came along.

Earth died, and the Land of Ooo came to be. Not suddenly, but as an evolution. Science was mostly sidelined, magic became a normality. Animals could now mostly talk. Humans ceased to be as other creatures appeared to bear some resemblance with the former Apex Predator of this world, but only in some basic details.

I was… a relic of that bygone era. And one that was cursed with immortality. I lived long enough to know where I was, I lived long enough to know how to feel inside my knowledge of this universe and… I did my best to help this situation.

Many stories start outdoors and under the sun, this one ‘ends’ within a massive metallic tomb that was about to be properly enclosed. I wasn’t the subject of it- the monstrous entity that deserved this punishment already sealed within a thick coffin that was reinforced with special Love Magic.

It took me two decades to get it to work as intended on such a small scale, five years to get the process expanded so efficiently to the entire structure that was about to be enclosed around the coffin. And I wasn’t alone to witness the end of a painful era.

Beside me stood the ‘First Greatest Hero in the Land of Ooo’. Billy was a powerful guy, without a doubt, but he was also someone that had been limitless. When I found him, he was aimless. He thought of me as a monster to beat, but I taught him many things and granted him the beauty of wisdom beyond his years.

He still regaled the world with his rambunctious personality, one that turned into a determined conflagration of emotions when it came to be a good hero. He was amazing in his actions and… and this would be our last battle with the Lich.

The monster had been a pressing issue for two centuries at that point. I had been actively fighting it a century before this event, and I managed to get Billy’s help in cornering it here. In the best tomb for a creature as foul as the Lich.

“Will it hold him down forever?” Billy asked again and again, but I couldn’t fault him.

Previous attempts had yielded failures. Each of those chipping away at my patience and my ‘kindness’ around the Lich. I grew more ruthless, vicious and methodical with each passing. Ultimately accepting that to keep down such a monster, I had to get the most expensive, the most lasting and, best of all, the unreachable tomb I could prepare for this monster.

“It will,” I assured calmly, almost relieved as we were walking out of the large tunnel leading to a cavern.

Doors behind us were shutting in a permanent manner, thick shells that further grasped and squeezed the bastard contained for the time being. Billy looked around, attentive and amazed by the craftwork put behind by me and my automatas.

“I still can’t believe it. I mean, I do but… is this what you meant, Juste?”

Ah yes, my new name as a vampire, Juste Vampyr. Truth be told, I still went with John early on, but it became such a ‘weird normal name’ that it kind of stood out as a sore thumb.

Hence why I picked something people could remember and not mistake in its pronunciation. And yet, this was a distraction from a very peculiar question. One that I answered with the right kind of manners.

“Elaborate.”

“You told me that I would feel the most empty once this tale was over and… It sure does feel like that,” Billy explained quietly. “Like, I know I should be happy but-”

“But you feel like you have no purpose now?”

He cracked a grin. “Always knowing what’s in my head. But yeah, is this… is this right?”

“It is,” I reasoned smoothly. “You set yourself a goal, you accomplished it. You trained, you fought and you conquered this journey. You should feel full and yet empty. You won, but now you have no goal beyond this.”

“...And?”

I offered him a simple smile. “Do you remember what you told me about girls? That you were too busy with the journey to think of settling?”

“Yeah- wait, you think it’s the time?”

I stopped, he did so too. We were now outdoors, the cave’s entrance crumbling as flying drones started to ditch dirt over the debris, making it seem like a nice hill.

“Billy. I taught you a lot about life. I shouldn’t be the one pushing you into this. You should.”

His shoulders sagged a little. “It’s just… I love being a hero.”

“That you do.”

“And I would still like to do it.”

“Then do it with moderation while settling a family. Small adventures to keep you sharp,” I advised kindly. “My boy, you are a man that is of proper age to be a father. Once you will have children on your own, you will know the joy of taking care of a little rascal that… will eventually become the best hero yet.”

Billy smiled at this, then looked down at his hands and… nodded.

“Thanks, dad.”

I smiled, feeling truly satisfied that this massive pain in the butt was buried.

Time to lay my weapons down, go back in the manor and… get more stuff studied and discovered, I guess.

After all, it was too early for Finn and Jake to be around and roam this slice of land I was now the complete ruler of.

—--------d-d-d-d—--------

Current Day.

The sudden buzzing alarm woke me from my planned 5 years-long slumber, tearing me off the bed and having me groggy and angry at the frustrating alarm. I was in a moody mindset, but one that I was soon pulled out when I felt a familiar buzzing on the side.

“Sir, your fake blood.”

The automata maid standing beside my bed, beloved Gemini, was soon offering me a cup with some ‘red’ that I had carefully stored away in a massive container many centuries ago.

It wasn’t blood, but the sugarish sweet flavor I had developed while experimenting on it made it possible to make it as tasty if not more flavorful than mere blood.

In a world as hostile as Ooo, having your own massive home can be tedious. But I had centuries to build a huge one, then create drones and automatas to fulfill all the basic cleaning and service-related chores, and finally establish camps meant to produce the needed resources to sustain this unique self-sufficient apparatus.

Still, the reason for my ‘power naps’ was less about sparing on resources. I had plenty of those. No, I was more concerned about losing my mind. I considered inviting citizens, but the last time I tried to do so, I had to deal with some exaggerated cult around my fridge.

So yeah, I am no longer housing people unless they were adventurers passing by that could make use of the stuff I had stored away that could be used by potential heroes.

And as the sweetness kicked in, I felt my irritation backtracking and leaving me perplexed as it’s not been five years just yet. So, I glanced, offering it a quizzical look.

“What is going on?”

“Bzz, intruders have been welcomed inside. They call themselves adventurers and have been given access to the ‘Adventurer’s Special Storage House’.”

I blinked, perceiving that Gemini wasn’t being complete with her report. But as I was about to ask more, I heard the distinct sounds of walls getting cracked, as someone was clearly rushing towards… me.

“Gemini, how come the intruders are not being stopped?”

“The source of disturbance is just one of those. And she has been granted immunity from punishment as requested by your prerogative.”

My brain was failing me at the moment since I have been sleeping for a long while and I couldn’t think fast on who it could be. And then, it clicked to my brain as I thought of a tiny detail in Gemini’s response.

Wait, she!?

Right as I got off the bed, still wearing my marine blue quality PJs, I saw the doors of my bedroom explode and crash down on the ground. I was quite tense, my body ready for a fight, but my mind knew who was causing such a mess- I had been caught by someone I had wanted for them to think I was no longer around.

And that someone was…

“JOHN?!?”

“Hello… Marcy.”

—----d-d-d-d—---------

AN

Next time, it will be time to go for a trip down memory lane! This time, through Marcy!