A Dark Magician's Most Evil Trip 1 (Patreon)

A Dark Magician's Most Evil Trip - or ‘Skeletor stomps on Modern Heroes/Villains’ (CartoonLogic!Skeletor goes to MHA)

It was too early in the morning.

Shinji Nishiya, known to many as Kamui Woods, didn’t know how this sentence was going to repeat frequently in his mind, but as he was called for a sudden villainous attack, he didn’t think much of it.

The police had isolated the mall, all civilians had been evacuated and… there was pretty much nothing stopping anyone from suppressing the villain.

Except the fact that skeletons using bow and arrows plus swords were keeping the entire building secure and protected.

Guns had been used to try and clear out the main entrance, but the villain’s power would see the bones fixed and reformed, the armor would bounce off the regular bullets and blasts would fail to disperse the guards for long enough to mount an assault.

A hero was needed, and Kamui was on the job. Shifting fast around the mall with his stretched arms to get a proper look of the situation with his own eyes, the professional hero understood where it was best to strike- from one of the windows.

A kick and the bow-wielding skeletons was temporarily out of his path, but he was surprised to find so many ‘warriors’ waiting in the halls. Lots of them at that. Luckily for Kamui, they weren’t able to reach him as he shifted around the ceiling, using the various lower columns to eventually push his way through the mall to find the source of this skeleton issue.

As he got closer, or felt he was getting closer, Kamui was attacked by winged skeletons armed with lances, forcing him to be more careful with his rush forward and actually smack a few along the way.

He was handling the situation relatively well, these monsters being far from troublesome for him but-

Then he found himself captured by vines and tendrils tied to a strange violet tree growing within the mall’s main square.

“NYE-HEH-HEH! Well, well, well, if it isn't the hero of this land. Or one of many!”

Refraining from rolling his eyes at the somewhat cliche devilish tone adopted by this villain, Shinji focused on eyeing the source of the disturbance. Having a skull-like head, the hooded figure didn’t seem to wear much. With an armored loincloth that was of the same dark blue shade as his skin, the muscular villain held a goat-skull scepter by his side.

“Tell me your name is not Professor Skull.”

“Bah, you simpleton. My name is Skeletor, Dark Sorcerer and the future Conqueror of this land!”

…

“That’s even more lame.”

“Says the fool currently bound in a bad spot,” Skeletor rebuked dryly, his sass matching Kamui's. “Still, it matters not, we shall leave as soon as my henchgirl is almost done with her test.”

“You will be stopped. Once All-Might.”

“We will just leave with magic. As if that buff idiot can ever match my former archnemesis! Nye, such a weak-minded brute!”

Kamui was surprised by the mention of magic. Up to this point he had thought this villain was just someone with the power of resurrecting skeletons, but with how he managed to also use other abilities… there was no way this was a mere rookie.

Also, was there another one? The police hadn’t noticed much beyond the skeleton and his summons. Were those part of his quirks or… was this actually an entirely different threat?

He tried to wriggle out of his restraints, but it was all in vain. He just couldn’t get out or even reach his communicator. He was actually stuck, and if things couldn’t get any worse, he saw a tiny girl march up from a nearby clothes shop.

Light-gray long hair and red eyes, a tiny horn prominent on the side of her head right beneath her sun hat matching with her pretty white dress. He was about to scream at her to run, but then he noticed her bags. Some were filled with other clothes, others were from the local jewelry store.

“I think I am done, Skeletor-sensei!”

The Skeleton grinned. “Glad to hear that, Henchgirl. I- Wait, are those… Why did you pick clothes too?”

“Well… you said I had to be evil.”

“That’s the case, yes.”

“So… I decided to also steal clothes,” The girl explained. “Expensive ones.”

“You wish to keep those for doing my bidding loyally?”

“...Yeah?”

…

Skeletor clapped his hand. “Good, good. Yes, I reward my good henchmen with things such as this. If it is what you wish for your work, then sure,” Nodding at the giddy girl, he turned back to Kamui. “However, we have another lesson to discuss.”

The child turned to Kamui and slowly nodded. “Is that a hero, sensei?”

“Yup. Now, do you remember what I told you would happen when I told you about handling your first hero?”

Red eyes went wide. “Y-Yeah? You mean-”

“Yes! Do it!”

Kamui felt very uneasy as he saw the girl retrieve a bag and fish into it. He struggled some more, but, much to his growing dread, the plant keeping him stuck only got him closer to the short kid, creating some vines for the girl to climb on and then soon be at the same height as his head.

“W-What are you-” His eyes widened astronomically as he saw what she retrieved.

It was a marker. A permanent pink marker.

“S-Stay put, Hero-san. You need to… learn your manners!”

“Yes, yes! Humiliate your foe, show him who is in charge, henchgirl! Show him who is the apprentice of Skeletor!”

The words seemed to act as a pep-talk, getting the girl in the right mindset to actually draw on the face/mask of Kamui Woods. It took her two minutes to get the job done. Smiling eye-to-eye, she turned to her teacher, the skull-headed fiend nodding excitedly.

“Yes! That’s what I am talking about. You have the potential to be a truly evil and powerful woman.”

“Thanks sensei~!” The child replied happily, leaving Kamui groaning as she walked up to her bags and then followed through a portal Skeletor created.

It was different than anything Shinji was accustomed to, and his mind wasn’t just ready for this sort of crap this early in the morning. But as Skeletor was about to cross through, he paused and turned to Kamui.

“By the way, wood-man,” The skull-headed prick pointed out. “Your power is lame, NYEH!”

And they were gone.

Much to Kamui’s relief, Skeletor’s departure caused the constructs to collapse. The skeletons vanished, allowing the police to storm the premises and find Kamui growling as he struggled to clean the sleek pink mustaches drawn on his face. That and the writing that said ‘Imma silly poophead!’.

Despite the dreadful experience, one thought kept popping into his mind.

It was too early in the morning.

—-----d-d-d-d—----

AN

So, this is a crack fic with no legit serious plot. Expect a bit of bashing on all fronts, Skeletor being an absolutely lovable bastard as he trains his henchgirl (Eri-chan) into becoming the rightful ruler of this realm once he finds a way back home and… yeah, he is going to be a sassy little shit.