Cunning God of Cuddles 4 (Patreon)

Cunning God of Cuddles 4 - Or ‘This Little Birdie is truly a Cuddly Bio-Weapon!’ (RidleyClone!SI Xover)

Okay, this is getting ridiculous. How the fuck do I leave this area and get back to head patting business?

This piece of the ship was fairly big- and I am quite sure it wasn’t explorable in-game. Something about this whole situation stank of bullshit, but I didn’t exactly have a way to backtrack from where I came from.

With my current abilities, the only thing left for me to do is keep going as I was eventually going to find a way out of this situation. If there is something that all Metroid games have, it is that there’s at least two ways out of a specific area.

And with the recent discovery that I could somehow use Chozo-related abilities to improve my arsenal, I had great chances to make it out alive once I find a way to further boost my offensive capacity and my mobility.

Right as I was exploring around, I found what looked to be some sort of control room. Similar to the one that got me stuck with the visor, but instead of any unwarranted ‘addition’ to my current survival rate, I was greeted by a… map.

Neat, I would have loved to have had one beforehand.

Giving it a closer look, I realized that there was a single viable path. As in, all other pathways were locked into closed doors I couldn’t break and the said path led down to a large room called ‘Highly Destructive Test Area’.

Goal: Reach the Highly Destructive Test Area and retrieve the Powerup.

…POWER BOMBS?!

The idea of getting my little claws on that kind of ability had me pogging hard because I could literally wreck through mostly everything in my path. If there is something that I learned from Metroid Fusion is that a Power Bomb at Maximum Power can easily tear through most materials.

So, regardless of who the fuck was making me go around through this wild goose chase, I could explode my way out of this Sector for good. Grinning, I bolted through the door, having memorized the map as I rushed though a few enemies and tore into those through my improved Breath.

As I was strolling through the infested halls, I couldn’t help but think about what else I could obtain. Like, could I obtain abilities such as ‘Varia Suit’ or ‘Gravity Suit’ despite now having a suit? Or, actually, how am I supposed to obtain Bomb-related abilities if I don’t have a ‘protection’ for my Morphball?

All of that had reasonable concerns, but I was a motivated good boy that needed his head pat.  If my body could just adapt to the ‘Charge Breath’, I see no issue in seeing bullshit logic validate my survival once more.

My little walk finally brought me to destination and-

Drat, it’s normal Bombs! I swear, this is turning as disappointing as a Randomizer Run in Super Metroid!

My grimace was brief, however, as bombs were still a reliable way to discover hidden passageways that could only be found with moderate explosions. The room itself was what really had me tense and vigilant- I swear I was a moment away from hearing a boss theme right as I approached the powerup and-

Two vents exploded by the sides, allowing for two Alpha Metroids to enter the area. It was a surprise, but considering my current abilities and the fact I had tested around my Charged Breath, it was all a matter of meticulous murdering.

Goal: Defeat the Alpha Metroids (0/2).

Both rushed at the same time, but I quickly disorganized their well-planned pincer maneuver by jumping over the one coming from my left and kicking around the one on the right as it got in range. With the exposed gelatine blasted by my Breath, I started to viciously munch on the core, rapidly absorbing the energy in it.

Energy Tank Absorbed!

EN: 99 [][]

One down, another one to slaughter.

Seeing his buddy decimated, the remaining Alpha Metroid hesitated for a moment. After all, this sort of creature was not dumb. Only instinctively vicious towards anything that they could devour.

So, as it circled around me, thinking on what to do next, it ultimately decided to rush me on its own. A bad move as I kicked it against the wall, blasted its core with my breath and proceeded to kill it by absorbing its essence.

The bitter taste remained, but…

Energy Tank Absorbed!

EN: 99 [][][]

I could live with this.

Sighing in relief at having dealt with the boss, I walked up to the pedestal and picked the ability left there.

Morph Blast acquired!

That’s an interesting name. And right as I felt the ability absorbed, I morphed into a sphere and started to channel energy that I then… released into a modest blast. I guess that goes around the bomb dilemma, but it leaves me with a silly thought.

My farts are explosive now! Fear this cuddly bastard!

My good mood was brief as the pedestal lowered to the ground, and the door behind me, the one I came from, closed. I guess this is where part of me ‘died’ as I didn’t expect to be ambushed with a boss fight with that double-fight fakeout.

The frontal walls split in two, with the upper section receding to the ceiling, while the lower bit went underground. Behind it, a glass barrier of sorts, with a single classification painted in dull green.

I read it, but before I could have properly digested what I just read, I saw a massive figure slamming through the glass, smashing it instantly before releasing a loud roar.

“RIDDDLEEEEYYYY!!!!!”

I panicked at the loud monstrous voice, staring back at the towering green thing that was Kraid! What the fuck is this bastard doing in this game? And how the fuck does he know I was the larval form of Ridley?!

Goal: Defeat Kraid.

And that is just unneeded!

After all, I doubted I could have an idle chat with the tall bastard since he was literally trying to hit me. As his mouth was still open, I used the chance to hit it with a Charged Breath. The fiery attack slammed viciously against the monster, forcing his head to whip back due to the damage output.

“I will kill you, traitor!”

He clawed from afar, sending nails flying at me. I dodged two, but one actually nailed me. And even though it bounced off my fur and skin, it still delivered pain to me.

EN: 41 [][][]

That’s a lot of fucking damage!

I returned the favor by using a Charged Shot to hit his eyes, causing his mouth to open and for two more Charged Attacks to hit his weak spot. Irritated by the damage, the towering behemoth approached and slammed himself onto the platform, causing it to groan and bend slightly as he held it tightly.

I hit him again, ensuring that he got hurt even more. The assault wasn’t without retaliation as Kraid started to move the platform, causing me to get close to losing my footing a few times.

“Pathetic little thing!”

I was still surprised by how fast the bastard was. His tiny claws were able to reach me as he leaned forward, catching me in its hold and trying to squeeze me, mouth open as he prepared to bite.

EN: 78 [][][-]

Sadly for Kraid, I was rather determined to not die and started to rapid-fire Charged Breaths at him. I was pelting him hard and fast, knowing that a single moment of hesitation was going to cost me a lot.

EN: 12 [][][-]

Its green skin morphed into yellow, showing that the damage was indeed affecting his body, but I was still getting squeezed in the process and it was tearing into my ‘resistance’ to physical damage.

EN: 44 [][-][-]

Now it was orange, I was close to end it, but he was squeezing even harder and-

EN: 72 [-][-][-]

Kraid’s skin got red. I knew he was dying, and I was going to live- well, that was before he suddenly used his last strength to chuck me into his mouth and try to devour me there.

Sadly for Kraid, he seemed to have forgotten that I wasn’t Samus and that I had claws and sharp teeth. I started to lash out intensely in his throat, decimating and damaging until Kraid released one last roar and… exploded in orange light. Orange light rushed back to me, pumping my body with energy as I pushed out of his disintegrating frame and through one of the walls nearby.

Groaning tiredly, I saw the visor flashing two signals at once. My body was sore but… also no longer hurting as much as before.

Energy Tank Absorbed!

EN: 99 [][][][]

Varia Fur acquired!

Varia wha- Oh my God!

I stood up, eyes wide open as I realized one big thing about my fur. I was no longer yellow. I was orange!

Ah yes, how could I not mention my honorary status as KFP’s Mascot becoming so important that I ended up becoming ORANGE?!

While I was huffing over the bright color that had replaced my soft fluffy blonde fur, I was given another notification from the visor.

Goal: Use the Elevator to reach the Biosphere Test Area.

That was a name I was familiar with but- Elevator? As I looked around, I realized that Kraid’s lashing out had created a few holes through the walls. The one I had been hurled into had an elevator going upward. Grinning eye-to-eye I rushed inside and used the terminal to go back aboveground.

The elevator was smooth and quick, allowing me to reach a special hidden area whose door unlocked right as I stood in front of me, my ‘unknown ally’ behind the Visor assisting me with this and allowing me ‘back outside’ into the Biosphere.

The place I was looking at was a massive semi-desert environment with a tall building in the middle of it. Yet, the usually peaceful sight was interrupted by a vicious scene as small monsters were attacking members of the Galactic Federation and… Samus was pinned down by a very familiar and vicious-looking purple Lizard.

I was shocked as it was clearly ‘my’ supposed evolution but… how? I was still in my larval form-

Unless there’s more of me around!

That was unexpected, very so. But it didn’t deter me from bolting forward and through the frey. The soldiers were too busy to notice me as I rushed through the monsters, picking up speed once my steps were clear to reach Samus and… I kicked the monster’s head and pushed it off of her.

“SCREEEEE!!!”

Samus got up and… looked surprised at my arrival, but I was busy with the Proto-Ridley. While I could tell my claws were stronger now with how easily I kicked it off from her, none of my current equipment was capable of damaging this motherfucker.

This was going to be one of the toughest battles for the head pats. But now I was certain those were around the corner and… I DIDN’T INTEND BACKING DOWN!

—------d-d-d-d—----

AN

Fried Birdie got Fired up for this battle- for Cuddles and petting, to kill the weak-minded pseudo-Ridley!