Cunning God of Cuddles 1 (Patreon)

Cunning God of Cuddles - Or ‘This Little Birdie is truly a Cuddly Bio-Weapon!’ (RidleyClone!SI Nintendo Xover)

EDIT: This starts during the early events of Metroid: Other M. I have not played it, so I will be looking into YT playthroughs and give my 'ignorant' take on some scenes. So yes, you can read this without having to drown yourself in lore beforehand.

Ah yes, Metroid: Other M. The Nintendo Wii diluted version of Metroid Fusion, and one of the most controversial installations of Metroid.

Now, usually, I wouldn’t mind being the butt of a joke, but the irony here is immense. You see, I kind of hate this game. I tried it once, got utterly depleted after getting smacked left and right with some BS Samus’ interactions and went back to play Metroid Prime 3. Usually I don’t mind much small issues in Metroid Games- I played most of them, completing those at 100% because fuck I love this series.

This one? I didn’t. Nope.

So, being reincarnated during the events of it is… frustrating. Now, if that had been just that, then it would have been ‘acceptable’. But no, I wasn’t even reborn as either a guard or a lab worker- I was a freaking specimen!

And not even a ‘good one’ as the bastard that was ‘taking care’ of me was one of those dipshits that were quite handsy with ‘worthless’ things. It was frustrating how he talked shit to me, to the point that my ‘feral frame’ kind of had me act up.

“Why are you even looking at me like that, you ugly thing? You think that wasting my time with glares is-”

Not even a few minutes in this world, and I opened my mouth to deliver some hot fire. The issue is that it wasn’t gangster rapping shit. It was legit flames that carbonized the guy’s face and killed him on the spot. I just gawked at the sight of the burned up skull and…

Fuck, I am too adorable to go to jail! I am literally too cute for that shit!

To finally break the surprise, I am Little Birdie. Small, adorable, fluffy and equipped with fire-breath from the looks of it. Also, no longer contained as the bastard had left the door open.

My ‘lips’ curved upward as I swiftly bolted out of the small containment room and… paused into the security room as there were… two doors. One of the left and one on the right.

I hadn’t played this game in ages, and I really really don’t remember where to go to leave. I was in no position to legit go anywhere in this place- I think we were in Sector 1 of the BOTTLE NECK ship. Always remember the Capital Letters there for ‘important reasons’.

Anyway, I pondered a bit over it and… then went to the door on the right, passing through it and-

GHHH!

I fell on my knees, a huge pain erupting from my belly as I wandered into a large environmental room with trees with fruits- juicy fruits. Hunger, I was feeling the hunger. Intense hunger at that. Grating my teeth as drool dropped down below me as it poured steadily out of my mouth, I glared at the large fruit hanging from a small tree.

I rushed for it, kicking it down the tree, holding it with my legs and munching against its thick but destroyable skin to reach that sweet and succulent flavor. It was like… five apples in one. It was delicious as shit, and I was munching happily on that. All was good in the world… until I realized that the door I had come from had opened again and…

I stared at my personal nightmare. You see, as a child, one of my first games was indeed Metroid Fusion- and I was fucking scared of SA-X. You know, the X-Parasite version of Samus with all her powers and super-OP and- fuck, this is the same situation.

Except this was legit Samus Aran, capable of using all her abilities from Super Metroid, but restrained because of some shitty ‘authorization’ reason. It was so stupid- at least Metroid Fusion had a good enough reason for Samus to lose her abilities.

I had completely forgotten about the fact that she was meant to reach this place, take notice of me, feel my ‘dark intelligence’ or something and then, after a monologue, get back to her business.

Still, I was a cute critter that was still nomming on a fruit. With my sharp ferocious teeth.

…

Fuck, this is not the right time to be a Other M hater. I have two options: Run or… do the ‘thing’!

And considering the fact I am an adorable monster that was totally going to be an ally to Samus rather than be on the end of her armcannon… I went to do the ‘thing’. Samus’ tense posture dropped as she saw me lean back on the ground and… kick my claw-feet around like a baby. Tongue out, behaving like a puppy and hell.

Look, I know. How the fuck does this work? And the thing is… it does work- if that tiny Metroid Larva was able to make Samus motherly, then I can fucking get a headpat or a bellyrub while dodging death by Charge Beam or Missile.

Samus slowly approached, her stare aimed cautiously at me as she lowered her armcannon and looked ready to crouch down to give my floff some love.

DING!

The door on the other side of the room was rendered active, and she got a communication as she put her free hand by her helmet’s side. Adam, I could barely hear him but I knew the guy just cuddle-blocked me.

I lied down as Samus just gave me a passing look and then bolted for the door. I slowly sat up, staring at her leave with growing dejection and… I frowned at what I was feeling at that moment. While I survived death, I think I have all the reasons to be angry. Samus just ignored the reasonable request of an adorable entity wanting attention.

I may be an average guy, but right now I am also fucking Little Birdie. I need love to not become my ‘future evil self’! How come the baby metroid got more affection than I did! I could tell that some of that ire was mostly instinctual due to my tiny but murderous body but- I needed this.

With renewed resolve, I gave chase after Samus, going through the door and seeing flying bugs instantly rush in my general direction. Their effort was futile as fire erupted from my mouth and burned them down. I noticed Samus already leaving the large hall, forcing my tiny legs to resume running after her as I was too driven to give up.

I am going to get petted by that big-tiddied bounty hunter, even if it means speedrunning this game!

—----d-d-d-d—----

AN

Little Birdie is also the ‘Larva’ form of Ridley, and the SI has a limited amount of time to get himself petted by Samus. After a while, he may risk get ugly AF.

Luckily for him, he is on the path of Godhood of Cuddledom. And Samus will be the first… to be blessed by that. The Xover Bit is also about this entertaining other Nintendo games such as Super Mario, Legend of Zelda, Fire Emblem, and even Xenoblade.

This is going to be a fun one to write~.