Last Call (Patreon)

It wasn't like Colleen couldn't recognize that she was going like, way, way, overboard. Acting kind of, well… crazy. It was more that she was just completely powerless when it came to stopping herself. She knew full well she had something of a problem. And last year, even if only by virtue of being stuck indoors, she managed to make it through the season relatively unscathed. But this year? This year was a whole other story. One where the alluring sirens’ song of pumpkin spice was just far, far too great. And it hit her with such a vengeance.

Everyday this week, on her way to & from the office, & twice additionally for lunch a few days, she would be sure to order ahead online, & then swing by to brave the utterly insane mass of women crowding around the pick up window area, all just as desperate as she was. And even when ordering four at a time, the way she did, it never did feel like enough. That’s what led to the fateful decision of her spending her Saturday like this.

It was bizarre, & so out of character for her, setting her alarm to wake up before dawn on the weekend. But she was prepared to do whatever she could. Whatever she had to do. And it went to show just how deep in the thralls of desire she was. Is. She had gone through the effort of trying to lay out some clothes for herself, in an attempt to make things faster & quicker in the morning. But after a week saturated with upwards of eight grande pumpkin spice lattes daily, strangely her cute weekend fit was just a little too snug. Buttons would not meet up with holes, & she was wasting precious seconds. Hastily, she grabbed a flowy skirt, her “I [heart] Fall” t-shirt, & a long sweater. They fit… well enough to leave her apartment.

She reached her local franchise just as the sun was first peaking over the horizon, only to find out she wasn’t the only one clamoring to get another fix. Some girls looked as though they had almost… camped out? For a second, it almost made her feel a little bit better about her own cravings. “Heh, at least she wasn’t that crazy about it,” she told herself. In reality, part of her was just a wee bit jealous she didn’t think of doing it herself. The minutes it could’ve saved her!

Either way, the line already wrapped around the building once, & more cars were flooding the parking lot, fast. Colleen was quick to grab her spot, a lot further back than she had hoped, but less miffed as the line behind her grew to spiral around the building yet again. 

Even when the doors did open, it was a long, annoying wait. Made worse by the earliest birds walking out with carrier trays of about at least a dozen, gulping another down feverishly with their free hand. She tried to stymie the urge to pounce one of them, steal their bounty for herself. God, what was wrong with her?! Why did she need it so badly?!

Mercifully, the line was moving. It wasn’t long before she was inside, & not that much longer before being able to place an order. Though as her turn at the counter approached, she saw another woman walking out with at least ten cups, balancing them awkwardly on a piece of recycled cardboard with flimsy holders. She suddenly had a sudden reappraisal of this all “four at a time” thing.

”Next?” 

“Um. A dozen,” She felt her mouth say, without her. “No two!” An even more adamant version of her own autopilot interrupted. “Actually three.” Jesus, what was she doing?!

“Max is two dozen per customer.” The jaded barista on the register seemed totally unfazed. they seemed too beaten down to care.

“Ok, two.” She sighed. Why was she frustrated with this policy? She was already getting twenty three times the normal, recommended serving.  About three times over what she had been doing daily! And it’s not like she was made of money! No, she decided, plastering on a smile, them restricting this was smart. And good. “Two’s fine.” She said with a grin. Forced through her teeth.

“Two dozen.” The barista hollered to their cohorts, before turning back to Colleen. “$143.36.”

”Oh. Uh…” The sticker shot of spending almost a $150 on coffee nearly broke her brain. It’d been somewhere in the low twenties all week. Whenever it was only four at a time. The math worked out. But the quantity she was asking for was suddenly becoming a little more real. Still, on some level, a primordial part of her lizard brain piped down any immediate concern by screaming “Worth!” inside her skull, & her hand shoved her card towards the touch sensor. She waited for the Pavlovian beep. What was she doing? This was so insane! Why was she letting this happen? This was too much coffee!

”Colleen!” Minutes had passed, but she heard it ring out in shorter time than she had anticipated. But seeing the full magnitude of her order & how it covered the pick up counter both shocked & delighted her. But no way she’d be able to do it herself. Luckily, one of the franchise’s partners was on this side of the counter, ready to act as a runner, begrudgingly ready to assist.

”So are we taking these out to your car?”

Still, even with just half the load, managing the dozen cups on their flimsy carrier out of the store was something of a feat.  Especially considering the size of some of the other girls she had to get around waiting in line. Strange how some of them seemed just… a little too… round? Was that rude to say? Unlike some of the others with smaller orders, she couldn’t sip one as easily as she carried them out. But now every waiting woman stared at what she carried wantingly. She pitied them, knowing her own time to enjoy was so nearly at hand.

”Yes yes yes.” She hissed joyously, making her way through the crowd. Outside the store, the line snaked itself around the building at least five deep now. And kept growing while traffic sat at a standstill. Leaving her thoroughly parked in. The employee there to help her run the second dozen seemed to be waiting to follow her lead. That’s when she saw them.

Luckily, there were some picnic benches in the larger shopping center lot, not too far away, but just a bit outside of all the chaos. Making her way delayed the gratification just a bit longer, & caused the runner to whine, but the area seemed like her best bet. With nothing else to do for the entire day, Colleen’s immediate plan was to sit down & chug the cartoonish amount of flavored coffee she had just purchased. No way she could manage it one go. But she was up for a challenge. She set her carrier down on the empty table, & fished out a dollar for the runner as he sat down the second. 

”Gee. Thanks.” He huffed, returning to his station as she sat down at the bench, & lifted the first cup. She was far too distracted to care about his tone. Then, she drank.

And drank.

And drank.

By her fifth, she was just ripping off the lid & pouring the crisp, creamy latte down her throat, unimpeded. It was a little too hot for her personally, & the ferocity at which she was chugging, but not enough to scold. And it only warmed her up on this cool autumn morning as the sun started its journey across the sky. 

Seven. Fuck was this really her seventh? Already?! Who drinks seven coffees in just one day? Let alone within just a few minutes. Fuck it was just sooo good though. Completely irresistible. That pumpkin flavor? It was just so… so… perfect! She just… never wanted it to NOT be on her tongue. Ever again.

The worry started to creep in around number twelve. And that worry had nothing to do with how deeply, how helplessly under their pumpkin-y spell she had fallen. No. Colleen couldn’t be bothered with that. Right now, she was way, way more concerned about how quickly the massive quantity she had purchased was disappearing. She was nearing number thirteen, passing the halfway point, & noticing they hadn’t even really cooled down all that much yet! At the very same time, pacing herself? Trying to make them last? Well that simply just wasn’t an option! But it hadn’t even been ten minutes since she sat down. Hell maybe not even five, it was so hard to say! Her brain was entirely consumed with consuming.

”More!” She felt compelled to wheeze before pouring number fourteen down her gullet. Pausing momentarily only to release a small burp. The idea of braving that line again? Spending another $140-whatever dollars? It wasn’t anything she was looking forward to. Not in the least. But seventeen, eighteen… As her first purchase of the day seemed to rapidly dry up, & how fervently her body just seemed to crave MORE? It shifted a re-up from an outside chance, to likely, to an eventual inevitability. 

In trying to gather her empties, she noticing it becoming a bit difficult to bend at the middle. Was she… getting a potbelly? Things felt a little… sloshy. And walking didn’t seem to be much of a picnic either. But slurping as she gathered her last three, she scouted what seemed to be the very end of the line, awkwardly trying to manage carrying three full cups at once, gulping them down as she shuffled her way over to rejoin.

“Two dozen.” The barista hollered to their cohorts, again, before turning back to Colleen. “$143.36.” The same sum as over an hour ago.

”Sure, whatever.” A desperate Colleen tapped her card impatiently, only to then strafe the counter to the pick up area.

When her order was finally ready, she once again tried to squeeze through the crowds & lead the eye-rolling runner over to her far-flung bench, just outside all of the chaos. It was just a bit more arduous this time, given her full tummy. Still, despite that fullness, she needed more…

”Pumpkin spice…” she moaned longingly, in almost a sing-song voice as she set the carrier down & fumbled for the first cup. 

“Yeah. It’s popular.” The runner seemed to wait on another dollar, which to him, felt low. But Colleen seemed more concerned about her second cup. 

Then her third. Or was that her twenty-seventh?

It was a cycle she followed all day long. Diligently. One that she was powerless to break. Because whenever that nagging voice came in to remind her that no part of this seemed right, or how nothing she was doing seemed like her?  She’d simply stamp it out by telling herself “It’s only a seasonal thing. And besides, there’s worse ways to spend a Saturday.” That or she’d just have another delicious latte sitting there, staring at her, begging to be guzzled. So the cycle kept repeating. She’d spend about an hour or so waiting, in line, plunge herself further into credit card debt, cart one of two flimsy cardboard carrier trays over to her table with the help of an increasingly annoyed runner, & then drink the spoils, all within a matter of minutes.

Over time, it became impossible to count how many cups she’d gone through. The garbage can stationed near her was overflowing, just from her. But worse, she lost track of how many times she had even gotten in line. Like, the math was simple from there. 24x whatever that was, obviously. That’s how many cups. But consumed purely by her need to drink more & always have pumpkin on her tongue, she lost track after three. She reckoned it had to be less then ten though. Just logistics of time. Plus, her card hadn’t yet been declined. She was becoming more & more singleminded. Even though the waiting around sucked, every time she got more Pumpkin spice to drink, things became an ecstatic blur. At least for a few minutes. The pinnacle of all things Fall & wonderful with the word. Her very idea of heaven.

What wasn’t so heavenly, was how strangely, it seemed to be more & more of a hassle every time she got back in line. Things were just… heavier. Walking sucked. Things felt like they just didn’t want to bend right. And it was getting harder & harder to squeeze around the people & the doors. Even when the runner & all the other girls seemed to make way. But still, whenever she was close to running out? She persisted.

At this point, it was getting late in the day. The sun was close to meeting the opposite horizon. This was far longer than she had ever expected to spend at her local franchise. But at the same time, she couldn’t imagine doing anything other than this on a Saturday. Her soul cycle class be damned.

Still, at this point? She didn’t feel quite … right. And not just from all of the caffeine. In fact, truth be told, she felt ready to explode. As she raised the last cup from her most recent trip up, she had a real tough time getting it to her lips. Her arm was so heavy. So tight. Almost impossible to bend. And every movement seemed to disturb the ocean of pumpkin flavored liquid now inside of her.

”Hrk-“ She struggled again, feebly. 

“Last call.” She heard faintly. Closer to the store, it was the same barista that had waited on her all day, having snuck out past the line for a second. Impossibly they somehow looked even more dead behind the eyes than the last time she saw them. At the same time, the expression in their eyes were belied by a smile. Possibly because an end was within sight. ”Last call.” They repeated after a sea of upset groans from the other girls, only to follow it up with a not so subtle “Oh shut up. Fatties. We’re closing.”

There was suddenly a mad dash by a bunch of mostly large, mostly round ladies remaining, to queue up to get that one last fix for the evening. Colleen understood their groans. And their haste. She, like them, felt that same panic. Not only for how long it was going to take her to get her ass in motion, but also, because another horrible realization had suddenly hit her. She’d been caffeinated well beyond the point of sleep for the night. Possibly from ever sleeping again. If the store was truly closing for the night, & they’d only let her buy two dozen more cups, what in the hell was she to do for the remaining eleven & a half sleepless hours?! Go without pumpkin spice?!

”No.” She murmured at first, trying to shift her weight into a step. ”No!!” The steps were hard, but even despite her newfound roundness, Colleen managed to bound a few strides quite quickly in an almost superhuman fashion. She had to get whatever she could get. Fast! Before it was too late! “Wait-“ she pushed herself another waddling step, waving her last remaining cup. The one she had so much difficulty reaching.

Suddenly, her heart sink when a massive, black SUV pulled up with screeching tires. It was positioned directly between her & the store, hindering her rush. “Huh?” The rear passenger door was quick to pop open.

“Colleen, I presume?” The question was asked by a professionally dressed blonde woman, stepping out in a jet black power suit, her eyes obscured behind the mirror-like lenses of expensive shades. “Congrats to you!” She purred, almost with song-like pizzazz.

”On…?” an annoyed Colleen was looking past the woman & the SUV. And the two large men stepping out of the SUV to flank the woman. All as the line seemed to almost turn into a bit of a riot. The other women seemed to share her level of urgency, but things almost seemed to be devolving, fast. She needed to get over there! Before she missed her window! 

“So, so many PSLs!” The blonde seemed to laugh, referencing the screen of a tablet Colleen couldn’t see. “You know, we really value that amount of… commitment. That level of devotion from our prized customers.”

”And who are you?” Rasped Colleen, despite not really caring.

“Oh, the specifics aren’t all that pertinent. I’m just a representative of the corporation at large. Here to inform you that what you’ve done is pretty special…”

”Special?” Colleen scanned past again, mindlessly repeating, hoping she wasn’t about to miss out. The woman chuckled, taking one last look at the tablet before seeming to lock eyes on Colleen underneath her shades. 

“Seems as though, with the sheer amount you have purchased… you’ve completely filled one of our promotional Pumpkin Season® punchcards. Which, let me tell you, is quite the achievement!”

“What? Nobody ever gave me a punchcard.” Colleen retorted, looking for a path around. This was wasting precious seconds. Of her not joining the line for more pumpkin spice.

”Oh, well that’s okay. Because we track all that data virtually anyhow. Through our rewards points® system. Tends to keep our lines shorter. Well, slightly anyway.” Something wasn’t quite right. Again. What the woman said seemed so much like a desperate ploy of a cover story. But Colleen was far too consumed by the status of the line wrapped around the building on the other side of the SUV. And trying to get in it before some pimply faced teen decided to call it & say “No more!” 

“Got it.” She swayed to her other foot, trying to maneuver around & sidestep the woman. Going around the SUV would make the walk a little tougher. But she was determined, albeit a little less graceful than she realized. But even if the two dozen cups wouldn’t last her the night, getting even just more for the night was still imperative for her. Her evasive maneuvering was all for naught however. It didn’t take much for the blonde woman to step directly back into her path. With the big men in tow. She confidently leaned in.

”What if I told you that by banging out that punchcard, you’ve qualified for our super secret premium service®?” The executive asked with something of a coy smile.

”Premium… service…?” Colleen repeated, unable to fully focus. And ready to run her over if need be. “Look, if there isn’t pumpkin spice, I’m really not all that interes-“

”Not only is there pumpkin spice,” the woman laughed, holding her ground. “There’s ALL the pumpkin spice you could ever drink! Possibly more than even you could handle.” She looked over her shoulder & smirked. “And no irritating lines either.”

”Wha-“ Colleen was stupefied. It sounded way, way too good to be true. She wanted to ask what the catch was. Or think this through even. But standing was slowly becoming exhausting. And the line started to look way too daunting. And hectic for her. If power suit here was on the level, & Colleen could potentially score a direct, unlimited pumpkin spice hook-up?! “Wh-where do I sign up?”

“Sounded like a verbal confirmation to me.” The blonde laughed, turning to one of the burly enforcers. Said enforcer did not react beyond the slightest nod. “Nope,” she perkily continued. “No paperwork required. All you have to do is come with us.”

“Oh,” Colleen leerily nodded. “Okay.” As hard as it was for her, she attempted to spin on her heel, before taking a waddling step towards the SUV.

”Oh. Hahahaha” The blonde cackled, gently laying a hand on Colleen’s shoulder to stop her & save her the energy. “No sweetie. Hardly the room for that, I’m afraid. That’s our ride.” Put as diplomatically as she could. “Here though.” She took a few steps to circumnavigate Colleen, orbiting her. Like a Jenga block, she tapped the bottom of Colleen’s last remaining cup out of the grasp of her chubby fingers. 

”Hey!” Colleen protested, thinking it was being taken away. Instead, the woman kindly brought it closer to her lips. Colleen immediately lost her edge. It was so much easier than having to reach herself. 

“There you go,” She smirked as Colleen greedily gulped it down in a matter of seconds. “Another satisfied customer.” She laughed. ”No need to reach at the facility either.” The line had some ominous connotations to it, to be sure, but Colleen was more concerned with the last few splashes of pumpkin hitting her tongue. “And as for getting there…” she paused  to smirk up at Colleen. “Here’s your ride now.”

“Wha-?” Was all Colleen could muster, as suddenly a flatbed rolled up along side them.

”Jimmy? With me.“ She directed one of the brutes. “Roland, see that she’s hoisted safely. And make sure you secure her properly this time? I don’t need a repeat of what happened in Oakmont two weeks back.”

”Yes ma’am.” the right hand enforcer responded as the blonde & the other big man made their way over to one of the other, bigger women in line. Just as another flatbed rolled up. And then another.

The taste of pumpkin fading, Colleen slowly started to realize that she was the “she” in question. What? No! These people couldn’t be serious.

”Wait, where is it you said you’re taking me?” Instead of a response, “Roland” laid a hand on Colleen’s shoulder & ushered her towards the truck.

 |||

Hope you enjoy, this, one of the most wonderful times of the year. 

Was trying a few new techniques with this one. Took a while. Don’t know if I really got what I wanted, but I have a couple of different versions here in case. Including something a bit more pumpkin-y. I’ll have a few other variations to post here soon as well. And maybe an update to that corporate version too.

I’m thinking this is something I might start trying to build a little bit of extra lore behind.