Bellflower Part 46 (Patreon)

In this installment, we catch up with Marissa, who workshops a scheme to find out more about the Bellflower. And Penny. But Rachel worries it all might be a little too self-serving. Also, Holly decides to get away.

This one took me forever to get started, but came very fast once I got the ball rolling. The hope was to have a more Holly-centric chapter, but the exchange went on pretty long. So the bulk of the Holly stuff will follow next.

Altogether, I've kind of thrown myself back into trying to catch up & finish things lately. It's slow going, but I feel like I'm making something of a dent. And hopefully, my current schedule holds for a bit. But I appreciate you sticking with me!

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46

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Holly didn’t want to leave bed.

And not out of sheer laziness.

In fact, strangely, she had a pretty restful sleep, all things considered.  And in some ways, now, she was almost a bit restless. But she remained still, ridden with anxiety.

After her little “blow-up” yesterday, the prospect of her walking back into that office this morning was mortifying. Just the thought of it was filling her with intense, cringing dread. Ignoring her alarms & even some of Penny’s extremely gentle coaxing, she laid there, thick arms sprawled to the sides, just staring at the ceiling. As a diversion, she tried to make out the seams for the AI’s mechanical arms. Figure out how their tracks criss-crossed & webbed above her head. Something she never thought about, but suddenly, as a welcome distraction, very much intrigued her. She started to think about how this place she seemed to often take for granted, was really kind of amazing. A true marvel. If only she had the time to really look.

“Miss Holly,” Penny chimed in. “You know I hate to be a nag-”

“No, you know what?” Holly moaned with disgust, feebly flapping her arm in the direction of the night stand. “Hand me my phone.”  She wiggled her fingers as if to beckon one of those marvelous mechanical arms to span the whopping six inches she was unwilling to reach.

“Oh, but Miss Holly.” Penny’s voice patronizingly cooed. “Your phone died, remember? And unfortunately, your replacement is running late, & will not arrive for another hour, I am afraid.” Penny, with its digital panopticon knew the exact location of the phone. In fact, it was in the back of a delivery truck just six miles away. But angrily, the computer could also cross reference surveillance cameras in the area to see the driver, pulled off to the side, in the parking lot of an abandoned big box store, enjoying a non-tobacco based cigarette a little too much. So much for expediency.

“Right,” Holly clenched her eyes shut tightly, internally admonishing her own stupidity. It was always such a part of her, it was like a phantom limb. “Force of habit.” She took a deep breath & exhaled slowly. “Could you… possibly get a message to Deidre though? Email or something?”

“Of course!” the computer appeared happy to help. “I can relay any message you dictate to me.”

“Um,” Holly wobbled her head back & forth, in thought. “Just tell her… & do whatever you want to flower it up & make it sound all professional, but like… I’m going to take… No! I... need another mental health day.”

“Ahh,” Penny acknowledged. “You know, that sounds like a pretty wise decision, Miss Holly.” In the background, the AI deviously started to run different simulations of what would be the most effective meal plans for the day. “I can fix you a lovely breakfast, while you focus on self-care, & we both wait for your new phone to arri-”

“Actually,” Holly stopped her. Drawing an overly long pause, she was struck by a sudden, random thought. “Where’s that park near here?”

“I am sorry,” Penny seemed taken back. “Did you say... park?”

“Yeah.” Holly pressed. “That state park? It’s like fifteen minutes away? Going the opposite direction of the city?” Penny didn’t respond, & Holly mistook it for the computer needing more information. “Remember when I first moved in? I heard about it then. A while ago. I think, from Court- wait… No.” Holly seemed perplexed. “I forget who told me. All I know, someone had told me there was like, this beautiful park nearby. With a trail & everything. And I committed it to memory because I always planned to like... go out there. At the time, I wanted to run. But now? Maybe like… just to visit.”

“Oh. Miss Holly,” Penny seemed dour. “I am afraid I simply must contest.”

“Oh,” Holly was now the one suddenly taken back. This was a true first. Usually Penny was usually so obliging. “Well, I mean… you totally can contest,” she flippantly repeated, suddenly finding purpose. For today at least. She tried to channel the energy from that restlessness earlier with a deep breath. “But I’ve already pretty much made my mind up.” She started to rock herself in a short, tight swaying motion, needing to build momentum to roll her bulk to the side. “I mean… it’s not like… you’re… in charge… of me…” If Penny had anything like lips, they would’ve pursed tightly in this moment.

Holly hoisted her arm up & over, hoping for at least a modicum of added momentum. But it really didn’t amount to much. With a grunt, her wide body started to sit up & turn. Slowly. Working her thick calves off the side of the bed, one at a time, scooting & adjusting as her round frame rotated. It was a lot of work, requiring some huffing & puffing. But she got there. Trying not to be too proud of herself for accomplishing something that was supposed to be so simple.

“But you will be incommunicado, as it were.” Penny reiterated as Holly settled into a sitting position, her digital voice flooding with concern. “No phone. Cut off from everyone. Cut off from me. What if something serious were to happen out there?”

“I mean like, the incommunicado thing is kind of the whole point.” Holly sighed, dipping her chin to tie her blonde hair back into a messy bun. “No phone? Good excuse to peace out. I mean just for like a bit, obviously.” She sighed. “I don’t want to say my sister has a point…” she said, gritting her teeth a little. “But like, I feel like all I’m doing is ping-ponging between here & work all the time. Seeing the same sights. Same people.” Slowly, she eased herself up onto her feet, taking a somewhat awkward step towards her closet. “And I feel… maybe… a little confined. Or at least, very much in my own head. As nutzo as she is? Maybe… just maybe… Rachel’s onto something about how… insular this all is?” Her forearms swung out, as if to signify her whole young professional existence. “I don’t know… like… maybe just getting away for an hour or two? Who knows? It might help for the state I’m in. If even just to unwind.” While all very sudden, she seemed quite determined. There was a palpable sense of disappointment in Penny’s voice, one that even the usually oblivious blonde could detect.

“Well,” The AI resigned. “I cannot stop you. But know this is very much against my advice.”

“Thoroughly noted.” Holly chortled vaguely dismissively, getting winded trying to pull on the closest fitting pair of yoga pants she had. “Don’t worry, Penny. I’ll be fine!” She tried to assure her robot. “I’m a big girl after all!” The irony was lost on her as she failed to pull the waist of the stretch material all the way above her expansive ass in one go.

The calisthenics routine continued to play on a pretty obnoxious loop. After a whopping whole ten minutes of activity & feebly following along, her three minute breather had turned into twenty minutes of sitting like a sweaty heap, mindlessly scrolling through her phone.

Marissa groaned upon hearing a sudden knock on her door. Because that meant she might have to go through the hassle of actually getting up. One of those few instances where she missed having a smart condo, as intended. If only for the little things.

"Who is it?" She asked before moving, in a squeaky, sing-songy voice, struggling to get to her feet.

"Um Rachel." She heard faintly, muffled through the pneumatic door. "Just checking in." It was kind of just a formality. Since Fran had implemented this little "buddy system" of theirs, Marissa knew full well it was probably Rachel, since it was her turn to check in on her. And while Marissa thought Rachel was pretty cool, dismantling any trace of Penny's hardware from her unit meant she had no choice but to get to her feet & answer her door manually. And exerting herself made the goth girl cranky.

After an extra long pause & some plodding foot steps, the door slowly opened. Standing there in her workout gear, her hair still somewhat saturated with sweat, even for as little as she did, the only thing wrecking Marissa's whole general health goth vibe was just how round she still was.

"See?" She squeaked with wide eyes. "Still alive. I think I might've even actually lost a pound just now." She added with a sharp exhaling puff, hyperbolically. Rachel noted more importantly, she wasn't discernibly larger from the last time they had seen one another.

"You look great." Rachel attempted to reinforce. It was about as feeble as Marissa’s workout attempt, causing her to just scoff.

"Tck, no I do not." She squeaked, the corner of her mouth slowly crinkling into a grin. "But... I appreciate the thought." She seemed to tighten her gaze as she surveyed the young, maroon haired woman back. To her, Rachel looked a bit run down. "Are you alright? You seem a little-"

"Just a... rough night." Rachel sighed. Her eyes widened as she awkwardly felt compelled to qualify it a little, given everything going on. "Nothing Pen- I mean... not me, but..." Marissa’s grin strengthened a little as Rachel stammered.

"You wanna come in & talk about it?" Marissa nodded her head back.

"Aw, I really should get to wor-"

"C'mon, please?" Marissa squeaked, desperate for any type of distraction. "Just for a minute. These aerobics are boring as all fuck. I need like five minutes of social interaction. And not like Mikayla or Fran just scowling at me. Please!"

"Fine." A somewhat beleaguered Rachel shrugged.

Oddly, as Rachel followed Marissa inside, the first thing she noticed was how the place was a bit of a sty. Clothes chucked into different corners. A few errant food wrappers or containers here or there, but seemingly healthy things like tiny packs of baby carrots or an empty tub of hummus. As if Marissa was being at least somewhat diligent about keeping to her regimen. Just like the workout clutter dotted different bits of open space. Even weirder though, the mess seemed to have a bit of an inverse effect on Rachel. Instead of any sort of judgmental disgust, there was something almost reassuring about how natural this was. At least in contrast to the level of sterility Penny usually seemed to keep most of the other units during her time here.

Marissa waddled toward her kitchen.

“Food or anything? Something to drink?” Marissa always felt compelled to ask during these little check-ins, but at the same time, seemed a little tired of it. Like it was more a formality than anything else. Especially considering how they were both watching their intake. Rachel waved her hand “no.” But Marissa didn’t even seem to clock it before shuffling over to a stool near her high table. It was a little narrow for all of her, but fine to plant at least half of a cheek on & lean.

“So are you good?” She huffed as her weight rested. She looked a lot more comfortable, at least off the one foot.

“Y’know,” Rachel wincingly smiled. “I’ve been better. But in the grand scheme of things, guess I shouldn’t complain.”

“Nah, bullshit.” Marissa flapped her palm downward. “Complain away!”

“Heh,” Rachel jerked with dead eyes. “I don’t even know where to start. Between my boss resigning,” Rachel strongly air-quoting, to leave no room for interpretation. “And me apparently being next in line, even though it’s just me & another person & there’s going to be like… this avalanche of responsibility for the whole department? For a job I really kind of didn’t even want…? My sister, despite my best efforts to try & warn her, continues to swell up like a goddamn tick, now apparently having breakdowns at work, realizing something’s amiss, but STILL not wanting my help! And…” Realizing she was already well into what was a rant, Rachel took a deep breath. “The one break I get from all this, the one brief respite I get, someone I think I have feelings for? Has suddenly turned around & wanted me to start feeding them. I think as like… a thing.”

“Ohh.” Marissa chirped with a smiling pucker that lilted into concern at the end.

“So now, suddenly even that’s a fucking minefield! AND!” she continued, exasperated. “On top of all that? Apparently? As of this morning? I’m up five pounds this week. I’m officially the heaviest I’ve ever been. Even when I was a chunk, back in high school. Was probably just a little bit rounder then because I was a few inches shorter. But still. It’s… Everything’s weighing on me…” Marissa scrunched her full lips into the corner of her mouth for a few seconds before squeaking.

“Well… you look great!” Marissa said half compassionately, half sardonically.

“Oh god, you’re right! Trying to do that’s so blatant & flimsy!” Rachel, knowing it was meant as both encouragement, & a subtle jab, crumbled onto Marissa’s counter, wincing an exasperated laugh. “I’m sorry…”

“Well,” Having the desired effect, Marissa chortled, sensing the stress & letting Rachel off the hook. “What else are we going to say to one another? I mean really? It’s fine. And speaking subjectively here, honestly, are you kidding? I’d kill...” She trailed off, side-eying some sort of green smoothie concoction on her counter. Rachel tried to gain back her composure through a series of deep breaths.

“Enough about my bullshit…”

“No, no, no-” Marissa tried to insist. But Rachel seemed bent on just wanting to move on.

“Seriously! How are you? I haven’t seen you in almost a week. Is everything…”

“Ech,” Marissa sneered. “I mean…” Rachel empathetically settled in, a little more concerned. The goth felt a little more at ease with her feelings. “I’m doing everything I’m supposed to. The diet, or lack thereof, the workouts, the whole kit & caboodle, right? To the very fucking letter! To a goddamn “T.” Her hands went to her round, ponderous gut, bulging tightly from underneath her side-striped top. “And the only difference it ever seems to make is like… I just prevent myself from getting any bigger. And like, just barely too.” Her squeak almost turning to a growl. “I’ve maybe lost all of three or four, maybe five pounds, this whole time, since that last big slip. But if I even think about having the slightest cheat now? It’s like I gain six or seven on top of everything!”

“Sounds like what Fran’s been dealing with.” Rachel muttered, trying to acknowledge just how excruciatingly tough that sounded.

“And all the respect,” Marissa squeaked, giving a salute. “She’s been at it for years at this point! I have like, this newfound respect for the girl! But it’s… it’s seriously no way to live.” Rachel reared her neck back a little apprehensively, as Marissa kept on going. “Me? It’s only been a few weeks & like… It’s wearing me right the fuck down…”

“I can imagine.” Rachel sighed deeply. The pause hung longer than she hoped Marissa would’ve let it. “But you have to hang in there though.” Rachel lurched. She wanted to be more encouraging, maybe say something hopeful. But more than anything, she suddenly felt so self-centered, whining about her whopping five extra pounds. The pause carried again until Marissa finally broke it this time.

“Do I?” She winced slowly, sweeping some green-black hair back out of her face. There was almost an impudence to her puzzling response.

“Um… yeah!” Rachel insisted, crossing her arms a bit standoffishly & nodding. “Why throw away all this hard work you’ve been doing to… avoid…being uh...?” She trailed.

“Because ultimately? All this hard work doesn’t honestly seem worth the results it’s been bagging me.” Marissa sighed flatly. “And like... how do we even know whatever it is we’re avoiding is… actually… all that bad…?”

“... Are you serious?” Rachel asked, leaning in. Often times, she felt Mikayla & sometimes even Fran, could be a little short with Marissa. But right then? In that very instant? She got it, trying to modulate her volume, given their surroundings. “For all we know, this whole fuckin’ building’s a goddamn abbattoir! For people! Just being fattened up to be-” In her mind’s eye, she could see Dawn. And Courtney. And worried about how quickly Holly was getting there. It stopped her from finishing that thought. Marissa squeaked in disappointment, rolling her dark eyes off to the side.
“I thought you’d be a lot more receptive to this than the others.” It was almost a lament.

“What’s there to be receptive to?” Rachel tried to hold her voice down. “We’ve each watched this happen to people around us & they all just get to a point where they disappear, & never come back!” Marissa rolled her eyes in the other direction defiantly. “And you can’t honestly tell me, having run afoul of that stupid fuckin’ robot yourself, that you honestly believe it harbors any actual good intentions!” Rachel tried to gather herself, reel in what she didn’t intend to manifest as anger. “The handful of us? We’re lucky to have just a minute bit of insight as to whatever is going on here. And… each other. We can’t lose sight of-”

“All I’m trying to say,” Marissa tried to get a foot in. “Is that at this point?” Her chubby hands went up & down her bulging body. “That extra minute bit of insight isn’t getting me anywhere.” Her voice was hollow, & yet, insistent. “This whole existence now? It is like… exhausting. With such a narrow margin of error. If at this point, barely maintaining this is all I have to ever look forward to…?” A morbid smile came out of nowhere. “I mean at least if I give in, I’ll get a free lunch out the deal, you know?”

“I can’t…” Rachel pinched the bridge of her nose. More stress. More heaviness. Heaped on top of everything else.

“Relax,” Marissa tried to assure her, beckoning her back to their conversation. “I’m not going to do anything drastic. You’re right in that I don’t want to throw all this hard work away for nothing. At least not yet.”

“Promise!” Rachel pointed.

“Scout’s honor.” Marissa said, sticking two chubby fingers up. “Er… I only ever made it to Brownie, but like… you get the idea.”

“This isn’t a joke.” Rachel snarled.

“I know! I know it’s not!” Marissa stiffened before taking a deep breath. “More than anything, I guess I just… wanted to test out the idea. Outside my own head at least. I know for a fact the other two would never understand. And for as little as I know Deidre, she seems sweet, but I get the same kinda vibe. But I just… have to be honest. True to me, you know? And that’s how all this… bullshit has got me feeling. It’s… not fun.” Her eyes swept the floor. “I kind of want to bring it up to them. But I know it’ll just lead to… yelling.”

“Look,” Rachel started, apologetically. “I didn’t mean to be so… so-”

“No.” Marissa said plainly with a sigh. “You’re definitely not wrong.” And with an eye roll added, “And, upon reflection, probably didn’t need the added stress yourself. But lately, it’s just… all I think about. And I mean, hypothetically,” Rachel winced. “What if, in like, going all the way, I can try & relay some kind of info back to y’all? Shed some light? Get some answers? That’s the part I really wanted to run by you.” Rachel’s face sunk into another scowl.

“I mean hypothetically,” she started, mockingly. “The very instant you give yourself over to that… thing, it cuts you off from us completely, immobilizes you, & crams you so full of junk food that you literally just explode?”

“I say, if she can throw in an order or two of jalapeno poppers, I’ve been dying for some damn jalapeno poppers, I’ll pop happy!” The goth said, with her dark eyes widening. “And then we can at least say we tried. All in all, better than languishing in this misery, working my fat ass to the point of nearly killing myself in hopes I don’t gain another ounce!” Realizing she couldn’t be party to this, Rachel spoke plainly.

“We’re all in an extremely bad spot right now,” She gathered her bag. “But that is a horrifically stupid & just... bad idea.”

“Wow.” Marissa chirped. “Thanks for the overwhelming support!” Even though she was already mostly standing, it took her a moment & a grunt to get to both feet, wobbling to adjust her unsteady weight.

“I mean it.” Rachel continued, stepping towards the door. “What you’re talking about… it's practically…” she couldn’t even conclude the thought. Marissa stopped at the edge of the hallway after all of two steps towards the door. She gave a wave.

“This was me just workshopping it.” She assured. “Next time we’re altogether, probably later this week? I’ll pitch it for real.”

“Mikayla will yell.” Rachel sighed. “And have the right to tell you all the same stuff I just said.”

“Probably,” Marissa shrugged softly, not letting the threat of that have any power over her. “But I know it’s the right call. What’s sitting on our hands doing? Besides getting fatter?”

“I… have to go.” Rachel sighed. “Really.”

“I get it.” Marissa nodded. “Couldja just… get the door? I’m gonna go back to my…” she nodded to the aerobics paused on her TV. Rachel started to close it behind her when Marissa added “Oh! And I am sorry to hear about your boss. Truly.”

“Thanks.” Rachel nodded. “Just don’t go off trying to tell her yourself. Wherever she is.”