i miss drugs (Patreon)

"I miss being a drug addict and chain smoking. I miss having a vice and feeling good. I miss my mind back then, or rather the disconnection from reality. Sometimes I wish I could go back. I came across these videos again from almost ten years ago. This was the day my grandmother died. I found out as we got our of the car to shoot at this lake in North Carolina before moving to NY. I finally listened to the footage. I was literally out of my mind. So were friends at the time. I think we were all just losing our minds at the time. The lyrics from a song have always stuck with me about this, “I remember when I lost my mind, there was something so special about that place.” There really was something so special about living in a telepathically chaotic mindscape, a place of disillusionment and delirium. I went back through this footage as I organize my files for film projects. I can’t help missing this time. Allowing myself to fully let go of what is right or real. I’ve learned so much. I’m happy where I am now. But I still wish in certain moments, in glimpses of time and memories, that I could just walk on the water, drinking and smoking, not giving a fuck. How do I care less? How can I become less sensitive again? How can I consciously lose myself and let go?"

#elsamariekeefe #artist #supportlivingartists #woman #women #art #fineart #photography #mixedmedia #nature #nude #naked #freedom #motherearth #model #earth #nyc #travel #health #love #selflove #bodypositive #beauty #energy #truth #magic #inspiration #naturism #naturist #nudist  …..

(i posted these words on instagram a few months ago... this phase was a big part of the evolution of my mind... I may have posted about this here before but wanted to post the images again as i continue to organize my archives and mind)