Waking up w/ Paint, Tears & Wine (Patreon)

A time gone by. Yet again these photos have surfaced. As the world is closed, I finally have had and made the time to go through the 90,000 photos on my phone that have accumulated throughout my mid twenties, over a period of about 6 or 7 years. Much of this time was spent in what I refer to as my “psychosis” and recovery phase... I don’t feel the need to dive into the details of this again, as I’ve written posts before and most of my life story is on my website, however I did want to share these photos again and a sentiment from that day, time gone by, and present emotions. As I delete photos from my phone one by one, illusions and delusions flood back through me, my mind on fire. These photos were taken of me on December 21, 2015, and some on the days surrounding, in a dark daze, masked by a colorful paradise. I woke up with paint on my body, tears flowing and wine in hand. I had to drink to get out of bed. I loved the colors, but I don’t know if I was able to feel love at the time, or feel anything, except with drugs. Everything was muted. Reality obscured. So grateful for this time. So grateful for the time past, passed. I was only able to realize my limits by pushing myself to the edge.... by pushing my boundaries, i was able to find myself. As my friend Nicole says, “You can only experience as much light as you do darkness.”