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Oh, Takeshi Shudo, You can be a lot of things but at least boring is not one of them...

You all may have wondered where I disappeared to. This month, after an amazingly productive month before, was crickets from me. Well, here's the thing. If you look back at my earlier posts, you'll see that my newest burst of energy occurred when I was able to remove myself from the stress of constant, anxious expectation. I was moving forward in leaps and bounds but then, inevitably, I had to come back. I was staying at my parents and as supportive as they are, they can't keep me in the house forever. 

Once I returned I realized that a lot of the expectations and anxiety came from living in a house with three people and four birds in it. There was always noise, constant energy and very few places I could truly detox for any amount of time. My Executive dysfunction returned, and with it came that depressing spiral which led to another meltdown. Both me and Leo agreed that the house I was in wasn't helping my mental health, and we realized that I needed my own place. Not an office, a space where I'm in control and can truly recover from the stresses of life. I love my family dearly but constantly melting down and stressing out was not helping them, and helping them is all I ever wanted to do.

So, I spent the last month finding an apartment. And it freaking killed me. The constant interviews, viewings, letdowns, socialising... I knew it had to be done or else I'd just get worse but it was like fighting through autistic hell to get to heaven. Because hunting was a full time job with fulltime recovery, streaming and videos took a back seat. Finally, with one week of the month left, I found a place. It's not perfect, but it's clean, quiet and mine... and within that week I was able to edit the next journey episode in less than a day, which is what you see above. Already things are starting to get back to a couple of months ago, and streaming should start up again next week.

It hurt having to leave my family in another location, but we are still a family. I'll still provide for and be there for them, plus now I'll be able to grow and thrive mentally which will help me be strong enough for them when they truly need it. It's an unusual situation, but since when is any family truly normal?

Once again, this would have been disastrous without all of your amazing help. I'm overwhelmed by the swarm of new patrons that have come in and I hope that with your help we can make even more Journey episodes than was ever possible before on Youtube. Once we pass the goal we might even be able to get back to weekly episodes again! Wonderful!

Bear with me this month with one new episode and a couple of commentaries once again, and next month... I've really got a good feeling about next month. Keep safe and look out for each other.

Files

PJ195.mov

Comments

Anonymous

An apartment room is also always a great place to relax and work in peace. A home away from home. Here's hoping you make it homely as possible (I know I did with several posters and fan art I collected over the years).

Anonymous

I'm so glad things are looking up for you!

Anonymous

A work space sometimes HAS to be separate from a work space. But I get that you need your own personal space. My grandmother dealt with a lot of anxiety, and had a similar situation with my grandfather. However they still remained married for over 55 years.

StoryLover

I'm glad you're doing things for you and this situation is what works best for you and your family. Needing space doesn't mean you want to seperate it means you need to do it so you can give your best for your family. I'm in the same thing atm with my personal work, got so much in my head and the anxiety that I cannot focus on it. I'm househunting and hopefully will get a place to rent by tuesday. Got one more viewing on monday. But the interviews and hunting is hard. But it'll be worth it to have a place I call my own.