A Simple Life: Chapter 97 (Patreon)

Winona steps closer.  Her hand grips my arm lightly.  In a soft, gentle voice she says.  “Take your time.”

“Mmm.”  I nod.  The tears well, the lip trembles, and soon I am shaking all over.

“Come here.”  She pulls me into a warm supporting hug.  “It’s okay.”

Arms limp at my sides I let my weight lean into her.  She holds me up, in more ways than one.  While I get weak and weepy I am surprised to find myself not completely falling apart like I usually did.  Maybe it was because I’d already bawled my eyes out a couple time or maybe it was her embrace that gave me strength, either way the body wracking sobs stay mercifully at bay.  Once, twice, three times I try to give words to a pain that transcended them.  Each time I find myself mute.  A fourth time I take a shuddering deep breath, the pressure in my chest building and building as I try to form a sentence, and a fourth time I say nothing.

Sensing my struggle Winona kisses my head and whispers.  “Your Grandpa?”

“Mmm.”  I nod.

“Something’s wrong?”

I nod.

“Is he sick?”

I nod.

“It’s bad?”

“Mmm.”  I nod.  “B-B-Bad as it g-g-gets.  H-He’s d-d-dieing W-Winona.  He’s d-dieing.”

“Okay.  Okay.”  Her strong arms tighten around me.  “I’m so sorry Avery.”

As the words flow so too my tears.  “It’s C-Cancer.  In his l-lungs.”  My breath quickens.  “I c-can’t lose him Winona!  I can’t!”

“Aw Sprout.”

“I love him.  I love h-him s-s-s-so much.  I can’t.  I c-c-can’t.”

She hugs me, she kisses me, she rubs my back, and she never lets me go.

“How c-can I…live…w-without him?”  I weep.  “H-How do I…k-keep going?  Why d-does he have to d-d-die?”

Questions without answers.  Winona’s embrace was the only response that made sense.  Putting my arms around her waist I hug her back, clinging to her for strength and courage.

“I j-just f-found out the other d-day.”  I blubber.  “Th-That’s why I b-b-broke down…at the p-party.”

“I wondered if it was something like this.”  She kisses my cheek.  “I can’t imagine what you’re going through. I know he means a lot to you.”

“He means ev-verything.”  My voice lowers to a whisper.  “Everything.”  I sniffle hard.  “Why him?  Huh?  Of ev-veryone f-from my whole sh-shitty f-family…why him?”

“I don’t know baby.”

“It’s n-not fair.  It’s not fair!”

“No.  It’s not.”

“Wh-When ev-v-veryone in the whole w-w-world h-hated me…he l-loved me.”

“Hey.”  She holds my head firm to her shoulder.  “You are loved Avery.  You are loved.”

“Mmmm.”

“Breathe.  Breathe.  I got you.  I’m right here.”

Again, I cry but I don’t completely break down.  Winona’s soft, soothing voice and powerful hug keeps me anchored against the gales of my sorrow.  She holds me as the amber light fades around us.

“Whooo.”  I let out a long breath after the worst of it had escaped.

Winona leans back a little to look into my eyes.  She strokes the side of my head.  “I haven’t met him, but I can already tell that your Grandpa is one hell of a man.”

“Yeah.”  I nod.  “He is.”

Her eyes are dewy from her own emotions, but she keeps them in check.  “How long?  If you don’t mind me asking.”

“T-Three years at most.”  I shake my head.  “B-But h-he’s not gonna get chemo or n-nothin.  So…who knows.”

“Why not?”

“He…”  I look out past Winona, past the garage, and off to the dark Pacific where I see a lone evening star twinkling above the horizon.  “…he w-wants to g-go see G-Grandma.  He’s still…in love with her.  Madly, d-deeply, fully in l-love with her.  He th-thinks sh-she’s w-waiting for him.”

“Oh!”  Winona lets out a little gasp as she brings her hand to cover her mouth.  Full tears now sparkle in her hazel eyes.  “She is.”  She whispers.  “She is waiting for him.  Her spirit waits for its mate.”

“You b-believe that?”

She looks deep into my eyes.  “With all of my heart I do.  I know it.”

I sniffle and wipe my nose.  “I hope it’s t-true.”

She turns to face toward the ocean with me, her arm keeping me glued to her side.  “What a day that will be.  Two spirits made whole once more.”

“You s-sound like G-Grandpa.”

“Then I’m in good company.”  She lays her head on mine.  “You’re lucky in a way ya know.  Those years are a gift.  When my gaka passed to the other side we had no warning.  Heart attack.  Unci was broken.  I’d never seen her cry before.  Pops…he had a lot of regrets.  A lot of regrets.  Things not said.  Unfinished business.  It was a rough time.  He was a hard man, an imperfect man, but it’s tough not even getting to say goodbye.”

“Oh.  I’m sorry.”

She gives me a little jostle.  “It was a long time ago now.”  She looks at me.  “It never goes away.  But it does get easier.”  Stepping around to face me again she starts to smooth out my shirt and skirt and fix my hair.  “We would have traded anything to have a few more years.  Seize them Avery.  Do everything, say everything, you ever wanted to with him.”

“I will.”  I say.  “I, um,  I’ll p-probably be b-busy s-sometimes…being with him…”

“You do NOT have to explain yourself to me.  You take all the time you need with him.  You treasure that man.  You hear me Sprout?”

“Yeah.”  I take a long, deep breath and then another.  As much as venting to Mama had kept me sane, sharing with Winona made me better.  “Yeah.”

Cupping my cheeks in her hands she peers into my soul…and continues peering until I smile.  “There it is.”

“S-Sorry.”  I say.  “I h-hope I didn’t r-ruin the night.”

“Baby.  You didn’t ruin nothin.”  She mauls me with a big ol’ bear hug.  “Gah!  I love you so much it hurts!”

I giggle as I am hoisted from my feet and rag-dolled, gently, back and forth.  “L-Love you too!”

She sets me back down with a smile, steps back, and offers me her arm.  “Shall we continue our stroll baby girl?”

“I would love to.”  I swoon into her her and take her arm.

In no hurry at all we stroll the length and width of the area inside the tall grass and forest, even being to so bold as to walk along the front where those driving the highway might see us.  But no one does.  She tells a story about her grandpa and I tell her a story about mine.  A happy story.  A story full of life and joy.

Chapter 98