A Simple Life: Chapter 63 (Patreon)

Note: Apologies to those waiting, the next chapter out will be for SG2.  I just had to get this wacko chapter out of my system while I was thinking about it.  😄

***

The new Mayhems had assembled.  Once gathered around the table each of the four chosen heroes place the token given to them by their sponsor in the center.  There on behalf of the Order of Justice sent by Sister Mary Motherfucking Massblaster was the mighty Scourge, half-ogre/half-troll Paladin-Berserker.  Chosen by Super Ninja was the sly, sexy, and seriously hung Incubus Scoundrel Horny Fucker.  Carrying the token of the Mayhem’s original anonymous benefactor was the werebunny acolyte of The Great Lepus, the healer Hoppy Bunbun.  And representing the mysterious Lady Ara was the nature mage Althea, fey speaker of the elves of the West Wood.  At her sides her raven familiar Touka and the most promising of the novice Hunters of their clan Raevis O’Regal.

Each member pushes their triangular token to the center of the table where the four quarters create a single square.  There is a soft glow of blue and then they are fused as one.  Once connected what was once four bits of plain iron now appeared as a tiny square door half a foot to a side

“Cool.”  Says Horny.

Cautiously he unlatches the hatch and opens it to reveal a space within that should not be there.  Every member leans forward to peer inside.  There they find an area roughly the volume of a quarter cask.  Confused Hoppy looks under the table to see no such space protruding through.  Inside they find a bundle of three scrolls.  The first was the contract which laid out the details of their agreement to give the original group a fifth of all monetary profits gained while under their banner.  The contract already had each of their signatures.  The second was a powerful magical scroll which would bring one person back from the dead if cast within an hour of being deceased.

As Horny unrolls the final scroll he sighs with disappointment.  “They could have sent us some start up money at least.”

“What is it?”  Asks Althea.

“A job.”  Horny’s gold eyes pan across the script.  “There’s some goblins causing problems.  Kidnapped some local noble’s son.  Demanding ransom.  The noble has no reason to believe the goblins will hold to their word if he pays up.  He believes that the only hope of seeing his son alive, assuming he’s not already dead, is for a rescue.”  He rolls up the parchment then coolly slides on a pair of red tinted spectacles.  “That’s where we come in.  It’s hero time folks.”

“Rrmf!”  Grunts Scrouge to the discomfort of everyone except Hoppy.  “Unleash the Scourge and they shall be ended.”

And just like that the group was off on their very first adventure.  Once in the general area the goblin lair is easily found by Raevis’ skilled tracking.  As they near the mouth of the cave they could hear the nasally growls of an unfamiliar language from within.  Creeping forward and peering through the opening they see a group of the ten small green humanoids distracted by a game of dice.

“Perhaps we draw them into the daylight.”  Whispers Raevis.  “We’ll have the advantage.”

“But we risk them alerting others.  Look, the cave goes deeper.”  Horny points.  “They might kill the noble’s son.”

Flipping through her spellbook Althea sighs.  “I don’t think I’ve got anything that can get them all at once.”

“Ooo!  There’s more of them than there is of us.”  Hoppy frets.  “We should run away.”

“Just goblins.”  Snorts Scourge.  “Scourge will destroy.”

“Wait.”  The healer says.  “I’ve got a better idea.  The Great Lepus instills in us werebunnies two primary instincts.”

“Fight or flight?”  Asks Althea.

She shakes her head.  “Flee or fuck.”

“Pfft!  What?”

“It’s the way of the bunny.”  Hoppy says, her long ears perking up indignantly.  “I’ll ask you not to laugh at my culture and religion thank you very much.”

“Sorry.”  Giggles the mage.

“I’ll distract them.  You guys go ahead.”

Before anybody could react the healer had already stepped into the mouth of the cave.

“Hoppy!  You idiot!”  Hisses Horny.

All ten pair of goblin eyes turn to buxom bunny who had just stepped into their midst.

“Hey boys.”  Hoppy says in a sing-song tone.  “What do ya think of these babies?”  With that she pulls her top apart to reveal her bountiful boobs.

***

Everyone at the table sits and stares at Riley who stood mimicking pulling her blouse apart, her chest thrust forward between her hands.  She looks around at us.  “What?”

“Um…”  Winona looks down and rustles some papers behind the screen.  “Uh…”

“You said I could do anything in this game.”  Riley grins proudly as the rest of us begin to snicker.  “My Bunbun’s a lover not a fighter.”

“Alright Riley.”  Winona says as she tries to figure out how to go with it.  “Uhhh…give me a Charm-Active roll.”

***

To the group’s amazement the goblins do not react with aggression but instead sit bewitched by werebunny’s incredible rack.  Loving the attention Hoppy strides forward, her wide hips rocking seductively, until she gets to the wall on the opposite side of the cavern as the entrance.  She turns around, winking and blowing kisses at her diminutive green audience, then removes her clothes completely.  The illumination from the entrance acting as a spotlight Hoppy begins to dance erotically.  The goblins are hypnotized by her big round swaying ass with its adorable puffball tail, her soft tawny fawn flesh that looked so smooth and warm, and those full, heavy breasts with their big pert nipples that just begged to be squeezed and sucked upon.  A few of them had already flipped up their loincloths to start jerking off.

“Way of the bunny?”  Whispers Horny.  “I’m not a religious man but…hmm.”  He puts away his glasses.  “I’m not going to let our dear friend stand alone against this menace.  I’m going in.”

“No!”

Before they knew it the Incubus had joined the voluptous healer and begun stripping as well.  Horny’s sensuous movements were as smooth as warm honey and every bit as alluring as one might expect of a man of his demonic heritage.  His beckoning dance, his smoldering gaze, his lithe body channeled the essence of carnal passion itself.  He was masculinity and femininity in one.  To those attracted to the male his slender physique was sex incarnate.  To those attracted to the female his androgynous curves enflamed forbidden desires.  And so, while initially his appearance had caused a stir, it was not long before goblins fell under his charms as well.  There is actually a round of applause when his huge red cock is unveiled.

Together Hoppy and Horny dance…and kiss…and grope at each other’s naked flesh.  At this point all of the goblins were fapping to the show…but that wasn’t enough for these performers.

Turning to the audience Hoppy whispers.  “What’s the matter boys?  Afraid we’ll bite?”

Seconds later the pair is swarmed by ten horny goblins and the orgy was on.  Hoppy has a little green dick in every hole, two in her pussy, as she jerked off another pair, one in each hand.  Meanwhile Horny is railing another one who had died and gone to anal heaven as he sucks off another and has another eating out his asshole.  The final goblin stands huffing and jerking off as the demon’s tail plunges in and out of his ass.

As distractions go it was a ten out of ten, if only the Mayhems could have acted.  In a state of shock at the pornographic scene unfolding before them Raevis and Scourge stand open mouthed as between them Althea is seized to the point of helplessness by a fit of the giggles.

***

Back in the real world Riley was bouncing on her chair, riding it really, while making the lewdest noises as she pretended to give furious handjobs to either side of her face.  “Ohh yes, yes, yes!”  She cries, easily loud enough to be heard by all of the neighboring units.  “Gimme all those cute little dicks!  Gimme all that hot gobbo-goo!  Gimme a bunny bukake!  Gimme, gimme, gimme!”

Across from her Kayla was on her feet in the throes of giving it to a goblin doggy style.  “Fuck yeah!”  She holds to imaginary hips as she plows the monster silly, slapping its ass every few thrusts.  “Take it!  Take that big demon dick you green slut!”

Between them sat a wide-eyed and red faced Briar looked back and forth between the two wild women flanking her.  The tiny woman is as much at a loss as her titanic min-maxed character as to what to do with this situation.  They didn’t cover this in the books!  Across from me Cain was looking at his girlfriend as if she’d gone mad, though the grin on his face giving away that he was loving every second of the erotic theatrics.  Meanwhile myself and Brayden from his spot over on the sofa are absolutely killing ourselves with laughter, which only inspired Kayla and Riley to become ever more outrageous.

Behind the screen Winona is shaking her head in disbelief and muttering.  “What in the hell have I gotten myself into?”

We had just begun but I could already tell that this was going to be a group unlike any other.

Chapter 64