A Simple Life: Chapter 25 (Patreon)

“No.”  I gasp.

Grandpa stops mid-sentence.  “Buttercup?”

“No!”  I shake my head.  “No, no, no, no, no!”  The room around me starts to swirl and spin.  “No, no, no, no, no!”

“Avery!”  Grandpa hurries into the room.  “What’s wrong…”  He stops dead in his tracks when he sees the paper in my hands.

I look to him.  “C-C-Carcinoma?”

“Aw, my boy.”  He says softly.

“That m-means cancer.”  I say between short, hard breaths.  “Th-Th-That means c-c-cancer!”

He approaches and gently removes the paper from my hand.  “You weren’t supposed to see that.”

“That means cancer Grandpa.  That means cancer!”  His anguished expression blurs as tears fill my eyes.  “Wh-Who is this f-for?”  I ask, hoping beyond hope.

The look of sadness and worry on his face gave me the answer.  “I’m sorry Avery.”

“Y-Y-You can’t have cancer.  You can’t.  You can’t.”

“Come here.”

Grandpa pulls me into a hug and the moment my face touches his shirt I begin to sob.  Wrapping my arms around him I grab the back of his shirt with both hands and I hold him with all of my strength.  He holds me back in a warm embrace.

“It’s not true.”  I blubber.

“I’m sorry Avery.  It is.”  He kisses my head.  “I never meant you to find out like this.  I’m so sorry.”

“But it’s c-c-curable…right?”  I plead as if he could decide such things.  “You’ll get better, won’t you Grandpa?”

“There are treatments.”  He says.  “If I decide to pursue them.”

“If?”  I push off of him.  “If!?”

“I haven’t decided yet.”

“Haven’t decided yet!?”  I couldn’t believe my ears.  “What’s there to decide!?  You get cured!  You get well!  You fight!”

He looks at my, love and hurt in his eyes as he sees my suffering.  “Buttercup.  It can’t be cured.  Only treated.  It’s too far along now.”

“No.”  I whimper, fat tears rolling down my cheeks as I shake my head in denial.  “Noooo.”

“Avery…I’ve had a good life.  A full life.”

“Don’t say that.”  I weep.  “Pleeease.”

“I couldn’t have asked for anything more.”

“Stop.”

He looks off to the corner where the picture of his beloved Anna was hung.  “I think it’s poetic.  To leave the same way that she did.  Hers pancreatic, mine in the lungs, but the same disease.”  He then says at a hush.  “My Anna is waiting for me.”

My grief swings to a sudden rage.  “It’s not poetic!  It’s stupid!  And you’re stupid!”

“Avery…”

“She’s not waiting for you!  She’s dead!  She doesn’t exist anymore!”  I shout.  “B-But I’m here, now.  I’m real.  And so are you!  And…and…I-I need you!”

“Buttercup…”

I snatch the pack of cigarettes from his pocket.  Opening them I yank the bundle from the pack and tear the whole lot in two.  “These are stupid!”  In a cloud of dried tobacco I hurl the pack to the floor.  Mashing the cigarettes further I stamp on them again and again.  “I hate them!  I hate them!  I hate them!”

Grandpa knew me well.  Better than my own mother.  After my outburst he waits a few moments for the heat to fade before speaking again, softly and calmly.  “We don’t get to live forever my boy, as much as we might want it.”

“It’s not fair.” I whisper, then mewl as the sadness overtakes me again.  “Mmmm.”  Weakly I reach out my hand.  Grandpa takes it and holds it in a firm grip.

“I was going to tell you.  When the time was right.”  He says.  “You’ll be the only person I tell, until I can’t hide it anymore.”

“Why?”

“I don’t want the fuss.”

“You’re not a fuss!”

“There will be a fuss.  Trust me.”  He smiles.  “I’ll take care of everything.  You’ll get the boat Avery.”  Looking around him he says.  “She’s a reliable old girl.  If you don’t keep her I’m sure you can get a good…”

“I don’t want your boat!”  I say.  “I want you!”

“I know my boy.  I know.”  He says with sympathy.  “I’m not dieing tomorrow.  We’ve still got some time.”

“How long?”

He pauses, then says.  “Three years, maybe.”

“Three years!?”  He might as well have said three seconds.

“Maybe longer with chemo and radiation.”  He says.  “But there is no guarantee with them except for the illness and side effects that they bring.  I don’t know if I’m strong enough to live my last years like that.”  He says.  “I want the sea air and a good deck beneath my feet.  I want to sail off on my own terms.”

“You have to try Grandpa.  You have to.”  I squeeze his hand.  “You have to live.”

“My boy.  I have been blessed with every good thing this world has to offer.  I’ve had adventure and laughter, so much laughter.  I lived the life I wanted.  I walked my own path.  I’ve watched a family grow.  I’ve had true love.”  He cups my cheek with his weathered hand.  “And 23 years ago I had the most pure and beautiful soul come into my life and watched as it blossomed into a beautiful man.  I am so, so proud of you Buttercup.”

My lip trembling, tears flowing freely, my heart shattered into a million pieces, I beg.  “Don’t s-say that.  You’re g-gonna be alright.  You’re gonna be okay.”

“Avery…”

“Y-You’re gonna get that treatment.  They’ll make you better.”  My arms fall limply to my sides, my head bows low, and I whisper.  “I…can’t lose you Grandpa.”

Again he steps in and wraps his arms around me.  As I break down a second time he holds me close and just lets me cry.

Pain, agony, despair.  These words didn’t even come close to describing my suffering.  He was so much more than my Grandpa.  He was my Dad, my best friend, my confidant, my mentor and my hero.  He was the one I could always turn to.  The one that always made everything alright.  He formed the very bedrock of everything that I was.  Without him…nothing mattered.

Chapter 26